SERIOUS TOPIC: Friend dying, son wants to send wife to mental

[Relvin]

not our family true, but my parents spent 30 times more time with her then the son (who is now entrusted to look out for her well being). Funny how one guy says it is not our business then the bandwagon starts. I assume if you guys saw an old lady being robbed in the street you would just ignore it since it is none of your business also ...

[gilper]

Relvin,
I've read this whole thread and it looks like you have made a lot of assumptions but don't have any idea what is really going on. How well do you really know these people? How much time have you really spent with them?

You say she asked your father if he wanted a drink several times, but who was their when she forgot where the toilet was and [censored] on the sofa? Or when she went for a walk but didn't come back for six hours because she didn't know where her house was. Alzheimer's is a terrible disease and unless you are around 24/7 you don't see everything.

The disease totally screws up the brain. The time frame is different for everyone but eventually they will no longer be able to function. The power of attorney is a very important document that is put in place while the person is still lucid. What type of power of attorney does he have? Is there also a living will? Is the son the only agent on the power of attorney? Can the mother even still sign her own name? This is another reason power of attorney is put in place.

[imitation]

Why would a mental hospital even accept someone with dementia it's not the correct care facility for them...she would go into a nursing home or get an in house carer. Let me guess you don't even know the real story.

[wtf6192002]

STAY THE [censored] OUT OF IT.

I went threw this same situation except we didn't hospitalize my grandma we took care of her. She may seem normal to her when you talk to her for a while but this is a very serious and sad situation. I heard a lot of people say things like you are. This situation gets worse very fast. By putting her in a hospital this will cost them much more money, he wont be robbing her. It is like $40K a year.

If possible you can consider getting someone in house to take care of her, but pretty soon she is likely to need serious medical care.

Leave these things to the family. You may feel that they are robbing her or whatever, but its not your business. Dont be a pest and stay out of it.

[dw2006]

I think your only option is to talk to the son and try to reason with him, but not in a confrontational way. Ultimately it is his desicion so there isn't much you can do if he has evil intentions.

[Sholar]

[ QUOTE ]
Why would a mental hospital even accept someone with dementia it's not the correct care facility for them...she would go into a nursing home or get an in house carer. Let me guess you don't even know the real story.

[/ QUOTE ]

I sort of assumed that OP meant nursing home. Otherwise, the story makes no sense. If the woman is actually functioning, she can't be sent to a mental institution and would, at any rate, be able to make her own medical decisions (wherever she is). The power of attorney documents regarding medical decisions that I am familiar with only transfer power in the event of incapacitation. Power of attorney regarding finances is different, of course.

Also, these sort of decisions frequently are very stressful for the family. Since there's a good chance that the son is actually doing the right thing here (sending his mother with Alzheimer's disease to a nursing home after her husband dies) the OP might consider staying out of it, since his understanding of the woman's medical situation and the son's future plans seem incomplete, at best.

Here's what doesn't make sense:

If this woman is functioning, she should be aware that her husband is dying and she needs to plan to take care of herself soon. If she doesn't understand this (if she doesn't even realize that he is dead after he passes away) she probably shouldn't be living alone, anyway.

One can't be committed against one's will to a mental institution unless one is a threat to oneself or others. Most likely this woman will end up in an assisted living or nursing home, depending on how well she can take care of herself.

The husband presumably cares about what happens to his wife after he passes away. If he is leaving all of the money to his son, it is probably because he knows that his wife is going to a nursing home after he dies. Nursing homes are absurdly expensive, and basically all of your assets are depleted before you go on federal assistance. This happens to pretty much everyone, so it doesn't make sense to leave her any money, unless she plans on living on her own.

What reason do you have to suspect 'foul play'? My guess is the son hasn't discussed his plans with you because you're not really someone he needs to justify himself to. Probably the people this affects directly are doing the right thing here, and you don't appreciate that.

Cliff notes: Either this woman can look out for her own interests (in which case, what are you doing meddling) or she can't (in which case she probably belongs in a nursing home, which is where she will likely end up). Sane people do not end up in a 'nuthouse' just because they are old.

[edfurlong]

When the husband croaks she will probably go downhill fast anyway. It's kind of a situation where he can have her live with him or she will need some kind of nursing home type situation regardless. My dad took care of his mom for like six years and it seemed like such a nightmare, I don't think I could do it.

[NT!]

son sounds like an [censored], i would get him alone and put a gun to his head and tell him if he sends my mom to a mental hospital i will [censored] kill him.

no i am not kidding. [censored] people who pull dick moves like this with family, they deserve to get the living [censored] beaten out of them

[Relvin]

wow some serious responses, lots of good advice I think. I do admit I do not know as much as I would like to about it, in fact everything I have written here was told to me by my parents. I think the thing that set off warning signals is the way the son was threatening with the mental asylum. When I heard this I was shocked because she functions very well, but as you guys say I have never lived with someone that has alzheimers. She is definitly in the earlt stages as she has only been forgeting things like this the last couple of years or so. Also, the girlfriend of the son would not let the wife pick up the phone for 2 days while she was there. She answered the phone numerous times and was being extremely secretive. Like I said, they told the wife nothing about their plans for her and left town.

We are going to their house tommorow and we will try to find out from the husband details on where they are planning to put her when he dies. We are doing this with only good intentions, if I ever reached a point similar to this in my life I would hope that I had some friends to look out for my best interests ....

[kyleb]

[ QUOTE ]
mind your own [censored] business

[/ QUOTE ]

Yep.

OP,

There are likely a dickload of problems you have at home. Stop finding new ones.