Spinning out on a crowded highway trip report

[d10]

A couple days ago I'm driving up I-65 through Kentucky, the road is a bit wet, it's just after sunset but still somewhat light out. I had just gotten through a traffic jam caused by an accident so traffic was pretty thick. It's 2 lanes and some dude is chilling in the left lane and everyone is passing him on the right, but there was an SUV in front of me that was taking too long to pass (in other words, he did not take the first available opportunity). IMO if I have enough room to move to the right and pass and you are in front of me then you've had plenty of room and more than enough time to do the same, and I'm not waiting any longer. So I move to the right and begin to pass, and as my nose is about halfway up alongside the SUV he begins to pull over to the right. A situation I've been in before and didn't think much of, I just keep accelerating, lay on the horn, and use the shoulder a bit if I have to and eventually they always figure it out before they come all the way over. But this time the SUV kept coming, even after the front half of my car had passed his, I don't know how he didn't see me at that point. I didn't even have him in my view anymore at that point but I heard that loud metal on metal crunching noise as he pushed his nose into my rear fender.

I had just enough time to think "You've got to be [censored] kidding me." when my thoughts began to focus on the fact that my back end just got pushed way out of line and wasn't following my front anymore, and I'm basically at a skid on a wet road traveling somewhere between 80-90mph. I hold it nicely for about a second then the rear snaps around to the left and I'm skidding the other direction. I hold that just long enough to start thinking "Aww yeah I got this [censored]!" and then it snaps back hard the other direction and I'm sliding down the highway at a 90 degree angle now with all the right steering I can give it and still turning further left. I look out the left door and see an assload of headlights, look forward and see oncoming traffic across the median that I'm sliding towards dangerously fast.

I'm just about a full 180 degrees backwards when I slide off into the median (no guardrails or barriers, just about 30 feet of grass), as I'm straightening my wheels out my thoughts are split halfway between "Don't roll now, it's almost over" and "OH [CENSORED] IF MY CAR WASN'T [CENSORED] AND I WASN'T AT SERIOUS RISK OF DYING WITHIN THE NEXT FEW SECONDS THIS WOULD BE [CENSORED] AWESOME". Then I start thinking of the oncoming traffic and do as much as I can to keep the car pointed straight and not sliding anymore sideways towards the other half of the highway. I come to a stop with the car stalled in the middle of the median.

I start it back up and drive the car back around in the right direction and back to the shoulder. I get out to assess the damage and see that my car is surprisingly mostly intact. Just a barely noticeable dent in the rear fender where I was first hit, nothing else wrong. Nothing else wrong with the car that is, but after a few seconds I realized something was missing. Like the guy who hit me. I look back and forth along the highway and see nothing. That [censored] drove off on me.

I get back in my car and drive up to the next gas station so I can check my car out under the lights. Still see nothing else wrong with it and it drives OK. Called the cops and waited around for an hour so they could write a report and then continued on my way home.

Commence with the "d10 I've heard about the way you drive and this accident is clearly all your fault" comments.