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  #1  
Old 11-30-2007, 04:14 PM
PokerBob PokerBob is offline
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Default every hand is a little conversation. i shall translate for you.

i got wrecked last night playing live 30/60 limit hold'em. it inspired me to write the following in my blog.

The action of any poker hand is like a conversation. By checking, betting, calling, raising or folding, each player is making a statement. What that statement is often depends on many things; what the player holds, what the previous action was, what the player thinks his opponents have, etc. But it also depends greatly on who the player is. Two players may play the same hand the same way but for two completely different reasons.

For example, two good players may play the following hand (what the player is likely stating with their action will be in italics):

preflop

utg folds my hand sucks, utg1 raises i like my hand, 2 more folds this dealer is kill me all the days, button 3bets i care not that you are fond of your holding my friend, blinds fold these hands suck, initial raiser now 4bets i have a big one my good man and i ain't scared of you at all, so thank you for 3betting button calls [censored], i just have two jacks. i hope it comes AQ9 so I can fold this hand.

flop: 833r

utg1 bets i still got your ass, button calls this really sucks. i hope a jack comes.

turn: A

utg1 bets i am not worried that you have an ace in your hand, button folds thank god, now i beat nothing and can safely fold.

From a poker perspective, this is a reasonable dialogue that any skilled player could see unfolding given the way the hand played out. With many very bad players, however, the conversation becomes significantly more vague, and often utterly absurd, not unlike listening to a blithering Ronald Reagan during his twilight years.

I witnessed a few interesting chats this evening at my local card establishment. I have attempted to translate for you what these players are most likely saying with their actions given their hands, what they think about their opponent's actions up to this point, and what they think their opponents have.

preflop

I raise UTG with two black jacks i have a good hand and i know you guys will call and put in money bad here, utg1 coldcalls hey look, i have A5o, if an ace comes, i'll have a pair of aces. yippee. utg2 coldcalls i am wearing sunglasses and was born with a silver spoon up my ass, thus i can call with whatever random shitbox i have, mp1 coldcalls i also am wearing sunglasses, and have A7o. i have been playing for months, and have yet to figure out that when one calls with a [censored] ace like this, one often loses a big pot when the other guy has AK, or wins a small pit when he check/folds the turn with two tens. i also repeatedly burn my hands on the stovetop, for I have yet to figure out that it is really [censored] hot, BB calls pot odds

flop: Q[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]8[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]6[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]

BB checks i don't have anything, I bet i have two jacks and i don't think you idiots have anything utg1 calls sometimes i forget to feed my gerbil and he dies. his name is stanley. utg2 folds my hand sucks, mp1 calls i sometimes wet my bed.

turn: (3 players) A[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]

I bet no way you guys are dumb enough to have an ace here, and none of you raised the flop so you can't have a Qutg1 calls i wish i could talk to birds mp1 raises (blank stare) i fold wow you really are that dumb. god i hate losing to these [censored], utg1 calls if i could fly like birds, i'd fly high.

river: 2 [img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img]

utg1 checks i like trains mp checks hooked on phonics is hard

One other hand I saw may be one of the more hilarious I have seen in quite some time.

preflop

utg raises i have a good hand, mp coldcalls i have 2 cards, mp1 coldcalls i have 66, blinds fold we have nothing

flop T[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]T[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]2[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img]

utg bets my A[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]J[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] is the best hand, mp calls holy [censored], i called with T[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]2[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] and it come TT2, better make some sloooowplay mp1 raises i have the best hand, utg calls ok, i know i'm behind, mp calls on tuesdays Veronica takes me to the park

turn: 3[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] putting two clubs on the board

utg checks awesome, now i have a flush draw and two overcards, mp checks (more blank staring, now with mouth 1/2 open) mp1 bets if i had the best hand on the flop, i gotta still have the best hand. this is the last bet i'm putting into this pot utg calls i sure hope a club comes mp calls what?

river: 4[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img]

utg checks i'm gonna check raise. i called the flop raise because i didn't think he had a T, for if he did i could never call that flop as i have absolutely nothing. but now since it is what i want him to have, i'm gonna change my mind and assume he does indeed have a T and will bet it on the river. mp checks up to this point in the hand, every decision i have made was in the incorrect one. why on earth would I suddenly play good now? mp1 checks nothing i beat calls.

In my last 200 hours of play in this game, I am in the red. Wow.
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  #2  
Old 11-30-2007, 04:20 PM
rakemeplz rakemeplz is offline
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Default Re: every hand is a little conversation. i shall translate for you.

pbob = solid gold
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  #3  
Old 11-30-2007, 04:21 PM
SamuraiJon SamuraiJon is offline
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Default Re: every hand is a little conversation. i shall translate for you.

i shall translate for you: tl;dr
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  #4  
Old 11-30-2007, 04:21 PM
En Passant En Passant is offline
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Default Re: every hand is a little conversation. i shall translate for you.

so rigged
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  #5  
Old 11-30-2007, 04:26 PM
Ephialtes Ephialtes is offline
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Default Re: every hand is a little conversation. i shall translate for you.

hahahaha n1
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  #6  
Old 11-30-2007, 04:27 PM
PokerBob PokerBob is offline
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Default Re: every hand is a little conversation. i shall translate for you.

[ QUOTE ]
i shall translate for you: tl;dr

[/ QUOTE ]

insulting me in this thread is acceptable and even encouraged. however, obvious, simplistic, pedestrian flamings that lack an ounce of creativity and indicate a clear lack of grey matter on the part of the poster, are strictly prohibited. your post fits this description perfectly, thus, ban.
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  #7  
Old 11-30-2007, 04:28 PM
Ricky_Bobby Ricky_Bobby is offline
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Default Re: every hand is a little conversation. i shall translate for you.

I enjoyed it.
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  #8  
Old 11-30-2007, 04:29 PM
foal foal is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,019
Default Re: every hand is a little conversation. i shall translate for you.

[ QUOTE ]

utg folds my hand sucks

[/ QUOTE ]
Wrong. Even good LAG players have to fold AA utg every so often to avoid being readable.
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  #9  
Old 11-30-2007, 04:29 PM
SmokeyRidesAgain SmokeyRidesAgain is offline
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Default Re: every hand is a little conversation. i shall translate for you.



Limit - Reach for the stars!
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  #10  
Old 11-30-2007, 04:34 PM
Montezuma21 Montezuma21 is offline
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Default Re: every hand is a little conversation. i shall translate for you.

maybe it's the effect of having spent the last 11 hours at work, but hand 2 literally had me loling.
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