Open relationships

[FellKnight]

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I'm female and I'm the one that suggested it, because it was either that or nothing at all. He actually readily agreed because he had been in one before and it worked out for him then so why wouldn't it now? He knows that I'm not the jealous type and he certainly isn't or we never would have lasted as long as we've had due to my flirtatious ways and the fact that I take part in a very male world with my playing poker.

We don't go into details, but let each other know if and when something happens/will happen, etc etc, as a courtesty and out of respect.

Will it end up costing us our relationship? That remains to be seen, but so far we're both happy and it's been working this way well for the past 6-8 months.

T

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I think its got to be a unique situation though, and that the two of you definitely aren't like most...I mean, you basically said to him "let me hook up with other guys and I'll still hookup with you, otherwise, there's nothing between us". Doesn't sound like a fun spot for him to be in right? I suppose it also matters what you mean by 'relationship'. Are you two in love, but can hookup on the side? Is he as important as any other guy you might want something with? It just seems like it'd be easier to do if it wasn't anything serious, just hooking up, having fun, etc. I can't imagine this working out if there were any serious emotions involved, but thats speaking entirely from my point of view.

Whatever the details, it sounds like you're happy, so congrats, thats hard to find.

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Yeah I'm the other half of this relationship, and it was not at all what you are suggesting (give me an ultimatum). IIRC, it was over some drinks that we started talking about monogamy and realized that we both have similar views (i.e. that humans are not wired to be monogamous). It went from there, and led to a decision to just live and let live. As for me, I have not used the "freedom" to sleep around, but just knowing that I could should I meet someone allows me to have a lot more fun when partying away from MissT.

Fell

[FellKnight]

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So you don't date more than one girl at a time? A girl can't date more than one guy at a time?

Are we really talking about "dating" or are we talking about "sex"?

T

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sorry, OP stipulated a serious relationship, and I meant that to. I change it to:


Id never ever enter into a serious relationship with anyone who would let me have an open relationship with her.

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Amen brotha. Permission really takes the fun out of cheating.

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And also a lot of the motivations for doing so. Like T said, I was previously in one open relationship that worked out in that category, but not in others, which led to the breakup, but have not been tempted to sleep around nearly as much as I was when I was in a monogamous relationship.

Fell

[FellKnight]

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lets just say I doubt very many men would want to be in an open relationship with a 10

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I'm not sure how correct this is. If the perspective is that they wouldn't want their girl sleeping with other dudes, then it wouldn't matter if she was a 10 or a 7, she could get laid as often as she would like. If the idea is that she is so hot, he couldn't get enough of her and wouldn't want any other women; this is also incorrect.

It doesn't matter how hot a girl is, there is some dude who is tired of bangin her (and would be happy to bang someone else - just for variety).

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Agree. Jealous types could never make something like this work. As for us, it's just "there"... it exists, and neither of us loses any sleep over it. As for rating systems... neither of us may be a 10 physically, but I sort of left that whole superficial [censored] behind in high school. Every single hot girl I dated was a total head case and not even close to being worth it.

Tanya is a total 10 in my books, just not for the same reasons that you guys might rate 10s.

Fell

[dustyn]

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I know the ration of female to males is pretty bad here, but aren't there any guys that can respond to this thread in the affirmative which takes the heat off of me? LOL

T

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This arrangement is almost always a bad deal for the dude unless the dude is a 10 and the chick is lower than a 4.5. Thus very few dudes will acknowledge being in an open relationship.

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???

This makes no sense to me. It's a good deal for the dude whenever his desire to sex other people is stronger than his jealousy. I see no reason why this would intrinsically be more favorable to women than men.

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Because men are typically the "providers" of the relationship (in the biological sense) and the "protectors." Being in an open relationship to a large degree nullifies this - if their girlfriend/wife is boning another guy, they are, to a degree, ceding one of the biological facts of human relationships. Obviously modern society has socialized us against this to a certain degree, but I don't think you can completely remove biology from the equation.

[neuroman]

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I guess I should also point out that it's a long distance relationship, if that makes a difference.

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Obviously that makes a huge, huge difference.