My brother lost his house, his car, and his kids - advice needed.

[Ray Zee]

the only thing is to make sure you both agree to the rules you set down for him. he is getting your charity and must adhere to them and improve himself. if he gets sluggish he needs to know there is no second chance he will be gone. wihout a good kick in the pants its too easy to fall back. so you wont be doing him any favors by cutting any slack. good luck.

[AAAA]

i hear you...in the past, i have been to quick to make excuses and give more chances. that is part of the reason i am posting this...i want to make sure i keep up with my own intentions.

if i don't post trip reports i am probably backsliding.

[B.C.]

You can't help him until he wants to either help himself or admit he has a problem (this will probably be when he hits absolute rock bottom).

It's tough, but you need to let him do either of these things on his own. Just be there when he does. My Father (alcoholic) has hit rock bottom about 10 times in the last 30 years and cleans himself up every time he does. My sister (gambling) is unable or unwilling to admit she has a problem and continues to destroy her families lives a little each day.

I thank [censored] every day that I am adopted....................

[katyseagull]

You're a really nice brother. I wish more people were like you.

I sort of feel sorry for your brother. I understand you'd prefer he didn't go back to the same environment but you have to realize it's inevitable. Don't his kids deserve the chance to visit with him on a regular basis? I agree with the others who recommended Al-Anon. I think you might find it helpful.

Good luck and let us know what you figure out.

[punkass]

[ QUOTE ]
well, i will keep you posted about my own situation.

i have a room that has an outside entrance. i took stuff i value out of the room and reversed the key lock so that he can't get in the rest of the house.

actually he has it pretty cushy has ice chest, some food to put in it, a water cooler and great bed, telephone (long distance and international calls are totally blocked)cable tv and will soon have internet access, as long as he does the stuff around here to earn his keep.

he needs to get social security card and state id, get his food handler's license so he can flip burgers and get a bus pass with his first earnings.

i don't think he has a drug problem, but he is on probation, so as soon as i find out who his probation officer is, i will find out for sure that he is clean. in the past, the worst problems have been the druggies not being able to stay clean, and then stealing stuff to pay for drugs.

am i forgetting anything?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't have much to add, but you got some good advice. I would get a picture of his children and put them on a desk, just to remind him that if he [censored] up, he's literally going to abandon his children. Hopefully the fatherly instincts will kick in when he has an urge.

I hope all the best to you and your brother.

[KaneKungFu123]

Here is what you do if you are serious. Take him to your house and buy a pair of hand cuffs. chain his hand to something in your bedroom, give him a bunch of books and dvds and bathroom breaks and alot of good food and cigerettes.

Dont allow him to leave your room for 2 months. If he fails, doesnt make it, then you are "done with him".

[KaneKungFu123]

Also, it really might be good to beat the crap out of him assuming you are in good physical shape. Just pretend that you are hugging him then punch him in the throat and take him to the ground, while he is choking say "this is your life on booze". tough love will work best here.

[bocablkr]

First, I wish you the best. I know it is hard to standby and do nothing.

You probably need to get him into a good detox program. Otherwise, he will just revert back to his old ways in a moment of weakness.

[tuq]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
well, i will keep you posted about my own situation.

i have a room that has an outside entrance. i took stuff i value out of the room and reversed the key lock so that he can't get in the rest of the house.

actually he has it pretty cushy has ice chest, some food to put in it, a water cooler and great bed, telephone (long distance and international calls are totally blocked)cable tv and will soon have internet access, as long as he does the stuff around here to earn his keep.

he needs to get social security card and state id, get his food handler's license so he can flip burgers and get a bus pass with his first earnings.

i don't think he has a drug problem, but he is on probation, so as soon as i find out who his probation officer is, i will find out for sure that he is clean. in the past, the worst problems have been the druggies not being able to stay clean, and then stealing stuff to pay for drugs.

am i forgetting anything?

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't have much to add, but you got some good advice. I would get a picture of his children and put them on a desk, just to remind him that if he [censored] up, he's literally going to abandon his children. Hopefully the fatherly instincts will kick in when he has an urge.

I hope all the best to you and your brother.

[/ QUOTE ]
I may be going crazy but I think your response is intended for the OP, but the poster you quoted is totally different.

OP, all I can add is DO NOT let him go back to his hometown. It just seems like he wants to bum some money, go back there and drink with his boyz, rinse, repeat until he finds a brand new low.

In a different thread, Blarg (I think) touted the benefits of moving somewhere and a fresh start, a place where your demons aren't everywhere you look. Very true. My brother was a drug dealer in HS with nothing good going on, when he got busted in 1987 he opted to move back to Iowa, where most of our family is. Despite the fact that he grew up here, he's only been back here once - a trip in 2002 to visit me - and the fresh start has done him wonders. He's very successful both professionally and personally, and admits that if he stuck around here with his loser friends who knows what would have happened.

Good Luck.

[ben_]

KKF you are neither funny nor clever. Who are you trying to impress. Stop being so god damn unsympathetic and get the [censored] out of the thread.

To the OP, i wish you and your brother the best. Keep us posted.