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#11
05-14-2006, 11:37 PM
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Re: My brother lost his house, his car, and his kids - advice needed.
[ QUOTE ]
and I don't mind paying for it. [/ QUOTE ] This is called enabling. Do not do it! You need to contact Al Anon. That's not AA, Al Anon is for people dealing with alcoholics. They know what you're going through and they know how to help. [ QUOTE ] He lies about his situation though and tries to downplay this significance of things [/ QUOTE ] If he's still doing this, then he's not really sober regardless of whether or not he's actually drinking/gambling (from the sound of your post, he probably still is). You need to contact Al Anon. That's not AA, Al Anon is for people dealing with alcoholics. They know what you're going through and they know how to help. You can't fix his life for him and you're not helping him if you try!! Anything you do is just going to be a band aid solution and he'll be back to square one very soon until he deals with the drinking. 
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#12
05-14-2006, 11:49 PM
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Re: My brother lost his house, his car, and his kids - advice needed.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] this is not just for you but for anyone that has a friend that cant get it together ever. those people will just bring you down with them. it is no good to help them just continue their current ways. which is what will happen. they need to get to the rock bottom and stay there until they are ready to pull themselves up from the depths by their own power. until then they will not recover. sounds harsh but thats what is needed. [/ QUOTE ] Unfortunately, this might be what it takes. But, as a good brother, it is hard when I mentioned the consequences being either death or prison. Also, it would be nice if my mother and grandmother didn't have to go through watching my brother [censored] up his life anymore. [/ QUOTE ] Ray is right, you can't really help him. He has to want to help himself first. Unfortunately, hitting rock bottom is the only thing that turns most people around and he just might not be there yet (although it probably seems like it to you). This is a tough situation for everyone involved and I wish you all the best of luck.
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#13
05-15-2006, 12:15 AM
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Re: My brother lost his house, his car, and his kids - advice needed.
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I am about 50% sure he might have some sort of gambling problem [/ QUOTE ] Sounds like a heads-up freezeout match is in order.
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#14
05-15-2006, 12:28 AM
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Re: My brother lost his house, his car, and his kids - advice needed.
just to reiterate...go to al-anon asap...if you must do something, let him know that you cannot help him unless he helps himself, but you will support his efforts.
sounds like he wants to go back to where it was comfortable instead of where he has people who can help him, and that isn't a good sign. it took him a while to dig this hole and it isn't going to get filled up quickly. the bankruptcy laws are much tougher now, and the comments that say he won't need a lawyer are very likely true, but the money he would have paid a lawyer will go to pay his debts. just by way of similar situation, a 21 year old shirt tail relative just showed up at my door today with two felony convictions, no job, and probation fees to pay. what do you do to help someone who might just decide you have too much and they need it more than you do? they really do want to do the right thing, as long as it is easy...but when it isn't easy, the resolve disappears. unfortunately, it isn't going to be easy! with your brother, you can say all you want that he would never steal from you, but people do strange things when their backs are to walls. i would strongly suggest you not put him in a position where he had access to things you didn't want to lose! unfortunately, the amount he would need to steal to get cash is about 10 times what it would cost if you just gave it to him, but pride keeps people from asking, but not from stealing. also, bad reputations are tougher to overcome than they are to acquire, so it is definitely better IMO to keep it so he doesn't burn what may be his last bridge. support, but do not enable...go to some meetings to help you figure out from people who have been there.
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#15
05-15-2006, 12:40 AM
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Re: My brother lost his house, his car, and his kids - advice needed.
[ QUOTE ]
this is not just for you but for anyone that has a friend that cant get it together ever. those people will just bring you down with them. it is no good to help them just continue their current ways. which is what will happen. they need to get to the rock bottom and stay there until they are ready to pull themselves up from the depths by their own power. until then they will not recover. sounds harsh but thats what is needed. [/ QUOTE ] Sigh, this is unfortunately true. I was in a similar position a few years ago, except I was the idiot who was BUSTO. My parents gave up on me and my brothers did nothing to save me. My father always emphasized the importance of independent working and not relying on anyone to do anything in your life - that everything in life is earned and must come from within. It was only until I literally hit rock bottom that I was able to pull myself together enough and get my [censored] together. Sounds harsh, but you need to let him go. For now.
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#16
05-15-2006, 12:58 AM
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Re: My brother lost his house, his car, and his kids - advice needed.
your responsibilities are to yourself and people you chose to associate with, not people that you were unlucky enough to be related to.
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#18
05-15-2006, 01:34 AM
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Re: My brother lost his house, his car, and his kids - advice needed.
I've never been in any similiar situation and can't really offer any piece of advice, sorry.
But you're a damn good brother, I wish my sister was 1/100th as caring, [censored] bitch.
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#19
05-15-2006, 01:50 AM
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Re: My brother lost his house, his car, and his kids - advice needed.
[ QUOTE ]
If his income decreases, he will be responsible for smaller payments [/ QUOTE ] Not neccessarily true. Key phrase "earnings potential" Other then that.... Crack is whack. Moral: Tell him to do some crack, then whack it.
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#20
05-15-2006, 04:08 AM
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Re: My brother lost his house, his car, and his kids - advice needed.
well, i will keep you posted about my own situation.
i have a room that has an outside entrance. i took stuff i value out of the room and reversed the key lock so that he can't get in the rest of the house. actually he has it pretty cushy has ice chest, some food to put in it, a water cooler and great bed, telephone (long distance and international calls are totally blocked)cable tv and will soon have internet access, as long as he does the stuff around here to earn his keep. he needs to get social security card and state id, get his food handler's license so he can flip burgers and get a bus pass with his first earnings. i don't think he has a drug problem, but he is on probation, so as soon as i find out who his probation officer is, i will find out for sure that he is clean. in the past, the worst problems have been the druggies not being able to stay clean, and then stealing stuff to pay for drugs. am i forgetting anything?
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