My brother lost his house, his car, and his kids - advice needed.

[lowpockets]

Well, as the title implies - this post is kind of a downer. My parents and grandparents are "finished with him" and I feel like if I don't help him, he will either end up dead, in jail, or somewhere in between. First, I will give a short background of the situation and then ask some basic questions that hopefully some people might be able to give me some feedback on it.

He is 30 years old, divorced with a 5 and 6 year old (my niece and nephew) kids, of which he HAD possesion of. He has defaulted on his mortage for his house and the bank/mortgage company has officially taken the house away. He didn't make a car payment for over a year and since he co-signed with my dad (he never had good credit as an adult), my dad took the car and is making payments so that it doesn't effect his credit. The kids are with their mother. I go to school in New York though, and I will be seeing him for the first time since all of this happened on Thursday once finals are over. The cause of all this is alcoholism. I mentioned he moved out east to stay with my sister and her husband for a few weeks (she is making him attend AA daily, but he is quickly loosing focus/motivation). I am 99% sure drugs are not a part of this problem. He lies about his situation though and tries to downplay this significance of things, and accordingly, I am about 50% sure he might have some sort of gambling problem - compounding the financial problems. I could go into more details, but I think this is a good enough background for now. The bottom line is that he is an alcoholic, he lost everything, and now I am not sure how to help him.

Like I said my parents are done with him and I feel like it is my responsibility to do whatever the hell I can do to try to get him a new start in life. So, my questions have to do with bankruptcy and "starting over." I am pretty sure it is going to cost some money (which he has none of - and even though I am only a 21 year old, I have some money saved up and even though my location says busto - I have a few thousand dollar bankroll left) to file bankruptcy. I am pretty sure that this is something that HAS to happen, and I don't mind paying for it. How much is this going to cost and if anyone has any experience with this, how much effort and energy is this going to require of me? After we get a lawyer to file the bankruptcy is he in the clear as far as the creditors coming after him? What about child support - if he files bankruptcy is it possible that is ex-wife could come after his for owed child support or other support?

Also, another issue that is becoming a problem is that he wants to go back to his hometown in the Midwest asap. He is bored at my sisters (he told me that he can count the number of days over the past 10 years on one hand that he hasn't drank until he fell asleep). But, I don't see there being anything positive to going back to the old environment that he was in. He cites wanting to get his feet on the ground and to start over as reasons to "go home." Is there anyway that after he files bankruptcy he can apply for unemployment or any other type of federal aide until he can find some type of job? I am pretty sure that he is better off staying out east for another month or so (he has been there for only a week and a half) before he even thinks about going back home, but I am not sure. I understand that eventually he wants to be close to his kids again too. But, you can see why I am reluctant to allow him to go back home and be around the same environment (friends that drink, etc). Any thoughts on other reasons he should stay away from home for a while?

If you have read this far, thank you. I appreciate any help that you guys can give. I am young, so you can imagine that I have never had to deal with anything like this before (taking care of my older brother who I grew up looking up to). Its been emotionally tough for me to see what my parents are going through (my dad found my mom crying in the kithen at 6am today -mothers day- because her oldest son is a [censored]-up). Its also been tough to listen to my brother go through all of the emotions of being sad, mad, depressed, and denial. Thanks again for any help or suggestions.

butso
`

[lowpockets]

[ QUOTE ]
butso
`

[/ QUOTE ]

uh - yeah - so if anyone knows anything about the bankruptcy issues or the filing for unemployment or other type of aid, I would be very thankful for information.

Thanks to those that sent pms already too.

[Bluffoon]

I dont think there is really much you can do to help him except to offer moral support and encouragement.

If I were in your shoes I would quickly go to an Al-anon meeting and otherwise educate myself about alcoholism.

Al-anon

I hope things work out for you and your brother. I wish you both the best.

[ElaineMonster]

He's not getting out of child support payments. He can file bankruptcy but usually things like taxes, child support, restitution, etc. are still collectible. If his income decreases, he will be responsible for smaller payments, but he can't just stop paying.

Also, I think you mean "custody" of his children rather than "possession."

About other creditors during bankruptcy: The laws have changed and it's much more difficult nowadays. He will basically have to work out a payment plan for all the debts and pay what he can for 5 years or so.

THe first step these days in bankruptcy is credit counseling, so he should contact Consumer Credit Counseling Services now and work out some methods of managing his dept. He may not require a lawyer or bankruptcy since what he can do with CCCS is almost the same as what the current bankruptcy law allows anyway.

[Ray Zee]

this is not just for you but for anyone that has a friend that cant get it together ever. those people will just bring you down with them. it is no good to help them just continue their current ways. which is what will happen. they need to get to the rock bottom and stay there until they are ready to pull themselves up from the depths by their own power. until then they will not recover. sounds harsh but thats what is needed.

[ElaineMonster]

Unemployment aid is temporary assistance when you don't have a job. But it comes from paying into the system. HIs last job had to have contributed AND he had to have been let go due to no fault of his own (wrongly terminated or laid off). Besides, the payments are relatively small, so it may not be worth it. But he should call his state unemployment agency and ask. They will tell him what he can do.

caveat: I'm not a lawyer or a law student or any expert of any kind. THese are my person opinions based on my experience and knowledge thus far and do not represent 2+2 or any other agency.

[lowpockets]

Thanks Elaine - I am honestly not sure as to how high his debt level is, but my dad mentioned something about the bankruptcy laws changing and the fact that he is pretty much [censored].

And yes, I meant custody, not possession.

[lowpockets]

[ QUOTE ]
this is not just for you but for anyone that has a friend that cant get it together ever. those people will just bring you down with them. it is no good to help them just continue their current ways. which is what will happen. they need to get to the rock bottom and stay there until they are ready to pull themselves up from the depths by their own power. until then they will not recover. sounds harsh but thats what is needed.

[/ QUOTE ]

Unfortunately, this might be what it takes. But, as a good brother, it is hard when I mentioned the consequences being either death or prison. Also, it would be nice if my mother and grandmother didn't have to go through watching my brother [censored] up his life anymore.

[Elevens]

No advice, but good luck to you and your family.