Durian Smoothie Trip Report

[J.A.Sucker]

So me and a couple of my co-workers hit the Pho joint close to where we worked and things were tasty as usual. I had the Pho with all the random stuff minus the tripe, 'cause I'm not so much into entrails, and I was quite satiated. My boss, who's a great guy, then gets the brilliant idea to get a durian smoothie for whatever reason.

Long story short, we all passed around the smoothie and took a hit, like a bong at R.J.'s Santa Cruz pad, and this thing was something else. For those who have not tried Durian, let me explain the experience:

Lifting smoothie to mouth: OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH GAWD! This thing smells worse than a Phoenix Taco Shack's dumpster in the middle of August. Then again, people eat this sh!t, so there must be a reason. Go for it, pussy!

First taste: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH GAWD!!! This thing is even worse than the smell. Why is this happening to me? -- Aside from tongue --- What did I do to you to deserve this???

15 seconds after taste: Hmmm, this is pretty fragrant and nice. Kind of like a mango, but more "mango-ey." Not too bad at all.

30 seconds after taste: There's a lot going on here, though I'm not sure I like all of it. Some good things (sweet, complex), but that rotting stank of death is back, loitering in the roof of my mouth and lower sinuses like a Market Street panhandler. Please go away Panhandler Taste!

5 minutes after taste: OK, that was kind of strange, but things are returning to normal.

10 minutes after taste (belch #1): OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GAWD! That one kind of snuck up on me and somebody dropped a bomb. Jesus that is horrible. No more delicate taste, just the rotting trash. REVENGE OF THE PANHANDLER TASTE!

This pretty much has continued at almost exact 10 minute intervals for the past hour, and I'm getting a little tired of it. In all, I'm glad I tried the durian smoothie, but I do not think I will have a repeat visit, other than the belches that will surely remain with me all afternoon, if not longer.

Damn you, durian! Damn you indeed.

Postscript: The new Crimson Challenge: EATING TWO WHOLE DURIANS, no water, no other help. I can't imagine that world of pain, but I'd pay to see it.

[gumpzilla]

Who the hell figured out these things were edible in the first place? When I've seen them in the grocery store they look more like weapons than food. And the stink is apparently legendary.

[suzzer99]

I've eaten a whole section and that was enough. Smells like open-sewer, looks like an aborted pig fetus. Texture is surprisingly pleasant though.

[PartyGirlUK]

Do you know how big a whole Durian is?

I lived in Thailand for 4 months and finally bought a Durian just before I left. I intended to take it back home so my family could try it too. When I went to load my baggage on the plane the counter girl asked me if I had any fruit. I tried to blag it, but they caught me. So I tried it in the airport before boarding, and the smell is overwhelming, a bit like a gas leak, the taste is very strange, and yes the taste changes as you go along. I actually quite like it, and would be up for the Crimson challenge provided I got some compen$ation.

[traz]

Eating a whole durian would be PIE...I like it...its really good. Too bad it smells

[PartyGirlUK]

How expensive was the smoothie? In Thailand, Durian is SUPER expensive compared to other fruits.

[J.A.Sucker]

Smoothie was a few bucks.

[J.A.Sucker]

Hi Dean,

I am aware of how big a durian is. I've seen/smelled tons of them, but never tried it before. I have no concept of the pain that would follow after eating two of them, though.

[JaBlue]

Good style; no-tripe pho is the way to go. That stuff is pretty tasteless and just looks and feels strange. The real question is: did you add sriracha, lemon, jalapenos, and cilantro? Subtract points if you added hoisin sauce because I don't like that stuff.

Never heard of the smoothie you had and based on your description I don't think I will be trying one ever. Thanks for the warning.

[pulledagroin]

You people are weird.

Tripe is good. I hope you at least had tendon in your pho.

Durian is awesome. Eating 2 at once would be difficult only because that is a lot of food to eat. Best fruit ever.

This isn't something you shuold eat before going to work, or onto a plane.