Chimpanzee Fight Question From El Diablo

David Sklansky · #1 11-30-2006, 02:53 AM

"What odds would you set on a UFC world champion (your choice, answer for any or many weight classes) vs a 100 pound chimpanzee?"

Assuming the chimpanzee knew it was in a fight from the git go, the answer would depend on whether there are some lethal or semi lethal blows that the human is aware of. I don't know about that. If there isn't, the chimpanzee is the dead nuts.

cschumer · #2 11-30-2006, 03:08 AM

sorry i cant stop laughing

Harv72b · #3 11-30-2006, 03:09 AM

"Can't I fight human-style? By slowly poisoning his environment?"

jfk · #4 11-30-2006, 03:38 AM

If the chimp were allowed to bite, scratch, gouge, etc. perhaps it would have a chance. Otherwise, the human fighter would have too much of a skill edge to lose. It would stand to reason that this edge would grow when moving up in weight class.

No doubt that chimps are going to be enormously strong but the amount of skill that a UFC type could bring to bear would be decisive.

A friend once had an involuntary battle with a full grown, adult orangutan when he went into a Malaysian preserve earlier than the guide's scheduled arrival. Though the orangutan was tough, my buddy eventually got the best of it.

Per his retelling, the orangutan had him by all four limbs, at which time they took to wrestling. The orangutan constantly bared its teeth, but never brought them into the fray. Certainly, had the orangutan had more malice in him it could've been ugly, but even in a determined pitched battle, my untrained friend was able to beat it away. From what I gather orangutans are more formidable than chimps if considering mass. Temperment would be a bit of a wild card.

To Sklansky's point, when my friend recounted the story to the guides, they were skeptical that man could beat ape, especially when he pointed out the alleged offender (which they later spotted). So anecdotally, at least in a Malysian game preserve, it is commonly thought that the simian would have an insurmountable edge, though this test case showed otherwise.

For more amusing monkey stories, seek out Tom Wolfe's "The Right Stuff". Apparently the space program chimps were real bastards.

David Sklansky · #5 11-30-2006, 03:55 AM

Your friend got the orangutan to retreat. I doubt though that it would win a fight to the death.

selurah · #6 11-30-2006, 04:14 AM

Meh, I know chimps are extremely strong given their size, but I think people underestimate how lethal some of these top UFC/Pride guys are. Top UFC/Pride fighters I *think take apart a chimp rather easily.

*I'm just guessing but IMO.

Not to sidetrack but new question: How much of a chance does the baddest UFC/Pride fighter out there (Liddell, CroCop, Fedor, etc.) stand against a full grown Gorilla (silverback?)? Opinions?

Kilillan · #7 11-30-2006, 04:29 AM

I actually think you people are underestimating exactly how strong those things are. They're very, very strong.

Knockwurst · #8 11-30-2006, 10:12 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Meh, I know chimps are extremely strong given their size, but I think people underestimate how lethal some of these top UFC/Pride guys are. Top UFC/Pride fighters I *think take apart a chimp rather easily.

*I'm just guessing but IMO.

Not to sidetrack but new question: How much of a chance does the baddest UFC/Pride fighter out there (Liddell, CroCop, Fedor, etc.) stand against a full grown Gorilla (silverback?)? Opinions?

[/ QUOTE ]

Gorillas weigh between 300-600 pounds, and from what I can tell appear to have a high muscle to fat ratio. Even a muzzled gorilla could beat Fedor or any of these fighters in a fair fight.

mindflayer · #9 11-30-2006, 02:37 PM

As the weight class goes up the Great apes have a bigger advantage. 20:1 on the chimp..
BTW have you ever seen a 250lb gorilla twist a car tire into a figure eight?!?
I think the human has to get first strike lucky.. and get a thumb in thru the eye of the monkey and into his brain (something like that) to win.

Borodog · #10 11-30-2006, 03:10 PM

My former father-in-law related to me this story. He was in the 82nd Airborne . . . Band (he blew a wailing trumpet, man), stationed in Fayetteville, North Carolina in the 70s.

One night he and some comrades, including some Green Berets they knew went to the local County Fair. Most carried bottles or flasks, so there was much courage in attendence (not that the Green Berets or the 82nd Airborne Band were lacking in courage).

One of the things that was at the fair was a big caged ring, in which was an old chimp that chain smoked cigarettes (I [censored] you not). The bit was that you paid $3, and if you could stay in the ring with the chimp for a minute, you won $300. In the 1970s, $300 was quite a bit of money, especially to a serviceman.

They all tried it, including the Green Berets. The chimp kicked their asses, one by one, and never even got excited.

They were warned not to go for his eyes, because if they got him upset, he could literally tear your arms off.

My former father-in-law said that afterward it was the most frightening thing he'd ever done, and that the chimp felt like it was made of steel bands and covered with fur.

After kicking the last guy's ass, the biggest, baddest, and quickest of the Green Berets, the chimp went back to smoking cigarettes.

Anyone arguing against David's assertion that the chimp is the dead nuts, has no idea what they're talking about.