serious post: My really good friends brother just commited suicide

[nutsflopper]

I know someone who said nothing in this type of situation and regretted it and later apologized about withdrawing b/c he didn't know what to do/say. His friend said that's what everyone did and he just wished someone was there to talk to...

[poorolrich]

There you go. Be there so she can talk to someone when she is ready!

[Kaj]

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Anything along the lines of "That's really [censored] up; is there anything I can do?" is fine.

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Isnt saying "thats really [censored] up" going to make her feel a lot worse? Its pretty obv she knows it sucks, pointing it out seems counterproductive.

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Maybe I overestimate people, but I think adults are capable of expressing "I am so sorry, anything I can do to help" without actually having to have the exact words written on their hand or a cheat sheet.

[The Man Mulcahey]

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Anything along the lines of "That's really [censored] up; is there anything I can do?" is fine.

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Do not under any circumstances say "that's really [censored] up." Just make sure you stay with her and support her and her family. Anything you can do to help, you should do.

[Nielsio]

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I have no clue what to say. This is so [censored] up, she found out this morning and I just found out about it a few hours ago. He was 25, her oldest brother. I really don't know what to do or what to say to her. Any advice is appreciated. thanks.

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The truth about the situation is that you know there were big problems in that person's life, of which a 95% chance that it had to do with their family, and thus the girl you are talking about has some issues (most likely unexplored issues), and now you are affraid to ask the questions that need to be asked. If you want to help someone, you *have* to open up the discussion about the core of the matter.

[wannabe2]

are u by chance from indiana?

[EL Burro Loco]

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The truth about the situation is that you know there were big problems in that person's life, of which a 95% chance that it had to do with their family, and thus the girl you are talking about has some issues (most likely unexplored issues), and now you are affraid to ask the questions that need to be asked. If you want to help someone, you *have* to open up the discussion about the core of the matter.

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This is not true at all. Also, if you aren't a professional you have no business playing amateur psychology sleuth. Everyone else is right, be there for your friend.

[React1oN]

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The truth about the situation is that you know there were big problems in that person's life, of which a 95% chance that it had to do with their family, and thus the girl you are talking about has some issues (most likely unexplored issues), and now you are affraid to ask the questions that need to be asked. If you want to help someone, you *have* to open up the discussion about the core of the matter.

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This is not true at all. Also, if you aren't a professional you have no business playing amateur psychology sleuth. Everyone else is right, be there for your friend.

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[DontRaiseMeBro]

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I have no clue what to say. This is so [censored] up, she found out this morning and I just found out about it a few hours ago. He was 25, her oldest brother. I really don't know what to do or what to say to her. Any advice is appreciated. thanks.

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The truth about the situation is that you know there were big problems in that person's life, of which a 95% chance that it had to do with their family, and thus the girl you are talking about has some issues (most likely unexplored issues), and now you are affraid to ask the questions that need to be asked. If you want to help someone, you *have* to open up the discussion about the core of the matter.

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!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Sholar]

Show up. Say "I'm so sorry" and if she wants a hug, hug her. Then don't say much at all, really. Comments like "This is so messed up" will just upset her more, but if she is making them, you can wordlessly agree.

If you knew her brother at all, try to remember some stories about him in case she starts talking about remembrances. Be prepared for your conversation with her to veer suddenly from her crying and saying how she can't believe this is happening, to joking about random stuff from last week, to her breaking down. Just go with it.

If you had a mutual friend, visit the girl with her. Call before you go and ask whether this is a good time to go, and if not, when a good time would be.