Ex-GF's father diagnosed with cancer. Suggestions?

[inishowen]

Spoke to her for first time in 2 months this morning, she told me about her dad. He has "oat cell" carcinoma from smoking that has spread, prognosis is poor, mortality is 95% certain. They find out Tuesday if the doctors want to initiate a treatment plan to extend life or do nothing and prepare him for hospice. I got along great with her dad and still have strong feelings for her. She's an only child, parents are divorced. She is commuting 150 miles roundtrip daily to be with him. We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation. Any suggestions?

[hamsamich]

This is a bad idea IMO. Since she is preparing to bury her father there really is no up side to this for you at all. You can be her rock through this very difficult time but by the time her father makes his grand exit and she is ready for anything else in her life you will have hung around for several months for.....what?
If you truly liked her old man I would consider making one trip out to see him to pay your respects before he is too ill. This really only applies though if he liked you too.
It just sounds to me like you are getting ready to devote tons of time to this because you want her back and all the while she will get a free ride.....tons of support from someone she knows and trusts but can discard when she's done with the 'well I never said we were getting back together' excuse.

[DrewDevil]

Call him and tell him you're thinking about him and praying for him. If you're really close, go see him by yourself, don't tell ex-gf you're going.

[Shadowrun]

if you like him, visit him (i would go even if you dont like him), i would also try to be a "rock" for her but thats my personality.

[neuroman]

[ QUOTE ]
If you truly liked her old man I would consider making one trip out to see him to pay your respects before he is too ill. This really only applies though if he liked you too.
It just sounds to me like you are getting ready to devote tons of time to this because you want her back and all the while she will get a free ride.....tons of support from someone she knows and trusts but can discard when she's done with the 'well I never said we were getting back together' excuse.

[/ QUOTE ]
You really nailed it here. OP, don't go out of your way for her--this is not a way to get back together. But if you had a relationship with her dad then treat him like you would any other friend or acquaintance who got cancer.

[firstyearclay]

[ QUOTE ]
Spoke to her for first time in 2 months this morning, she told me about her dad. He has "oat cell" carcinoma from smoking that has spread, prognosis is poor, mortality is 95% certain. They find out Tuesday if the doctors want to initiate a treatment plan to extend life or do nothing and prepare him for hospice. I got along great with her dad and still have strong feelings for her. She's an only child, parents are divorced. She is commuting 150 miles roundtrip daily to be with him. We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation. Any suggestions?

[/ QUOTE ]

Get out of this "hanging on" [censored] now. It will help your mental-being. Send him a nice letter and make sure it gets to him. Maybe with something that will make him laugh. When her dad is feeling ill he will tell her that you sent this. It may give you brownie points.....but you shouldn't care because you are doing it because you like HIM not HER.

my 2 cents.

FYC

[inishowen]

Thanks all. I did have a close relationship with her father, we had to of played at least 50 rounds of golf together. I've just never spoken to anyone who is terminal, guess it's time to grow up a little in that regard. As far as the ex goes, she was always very supportive of me, part of me feels like I owe her. I'm going to take the idea of contacting him directly first, if she reaches out to me I'd definitely help any way I could. Thanks again.

[scotchnrocks]

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we had to of played at least 50 rounds of golf together

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go see him

[gamblore99]

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we had to of played at least 50 rounds of golf together

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go see him

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definitely. Just curious OP, how old is the dad? How old are you, and how long did you go out for?

[Anderson1]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Spoke to her for first time in 2 months this morning, she told me about her dad. He has "oat cell" carcinoma from smoking that has spread, prognosis is poor, mortality is 95% certain. They find out Tuesday if the doctors want to initiate a treatment plan to extend life or do nothing and prepare him for hospice. I got along great with her dad and still have strong feelings for her. She's an only child, parents are divorced. She is commuting 150 miles roundtrip daily to be with him. We are not together, but I want to help any way I can without imposing the topic of "us" on the situation. Any suggestions?

[/ QUOTE ]

Get out of this "hanging on" [censored] now. It will help your mental-being. Send him a nice letter and make sure it gets to him. Maybe with something that will make him laugh. When her dad is feeling ill he will tell her that you sent this. It may give you brownie points.....but you shouldn't care because you are doing it because you like HIM not HER.

my 2 cents.

FYC

[/ QUOTE ]

this guy makes an excellent point. that's what i'd do.

whatever you do, don't do it in order to get back with her again.