Please respond: a short fiction piece

[SoloAJ]

Fellow Loungers, please help me with a short short fiction piece that I have written. Since I'm looking for actual input, criticism, and recommendations of all kinds, I am posting this in the Lounge.

(Is this my first time starting a thread in here? Without checking, it might be, and wow to that. You've all been lucky so far :-p)

Anyway, a local paper is running a 'contest' for short stories of less than 200 words following one of three prompts. The prompt for this story is "involving a fortune cookie." It is open to lots of revision and a tentative title.

Please respond candidly, truthfulness is welcome. Though I ask if you say something is particularly weak, you offer some insight as to why or a potential solution. No "it blows" please. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

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Jackson's Fortune

Jackson’s teeth ripped through the plastic wrapper concealing the fortune cookie. He removed the hardened batter and cracked it open as he glanced across the room. His wife was taking her last mouthful of Chinese food and placing her napkin on the plate. Their baby daughter, Emily, was silently pushing a toy John Deere tractor back and forth on the carpet. Jackson crunched the first bite of his cookie and looked down at the fortune. “You will soon hear some pleasant news” said the (otherwise blank slip) (slip with a decorative outline of a fortune cookie background). He rolled his eyes and smirked to himself. As he did this, Emily suddenly garbled out “dada” loud enough for the entire room to hear.

Jackson, still smirking, looked up and saw that his wife was excited. Confused, his smirk dropped, eyebrows lowered, and his head tilted to the right. His wife quickly signed to him “She just said her first word! Dada!” Jackson’s eyebrows raised and his eyes got a soft glow in them. He shifted his gaze to Emily and his heart began to flutter. He glanced back at his wife and revealed to her the biggest grin she had seen on his face in seven months. He felt something in his hand and remembered the fortune. He looked down at it and then, smiling, silently nodded to himself.