Grotesquely nerdy theatre geekery for DBZ

[GeraldGiraffe]

Rhyme scheme too standard imo, but the Volte is nice. Could have done with a lacuna to make it more clear, obv.

[I_AM_EVIL]

There once was a guy from Nantucket......

[YBravo]

I'm a theatre nerd too, so I have to be picky here

5th line doesn't work-emphasis is on the "ften" part of often
8th line only has 4 feet-is this intentional?

[Syberduh]

Yes that is a deliberate break in both the meter and the rhyme scheme to emphasize the difficulty of parsing meaning and the impact of sturm and drang.

As for the other one, switch "often" and "is" for a more enjoyable experience.

Other flaws include the emphasis landing on the 2nd syllable of Stoppard in line 3

I also find it almost impossible to spit out "text is" in line 4 without altering the meter.

And of course the rhyme scheme is not exactly subtle.

[React1oN]

Why do you need to be a theatre
major in order to write down words?
It's not very difficult if you've
heard the songs of a few passing birds.
Must I show this to all of you,
or did many of you already know?
I'm hoping that you did BBV,
for now 'tis my time to go.

[Georgia Avenue]

Frankly,
I'm embarrassed
for
all you
ratfinks
for even attempting to capture
the heart of a
Modern Woman
with such out-
dated forms!
Get with the times
[censored] [censored] [censored] boners
meter and rhyme is like
a metaphor without a
very specific direct
object = befuddling.
What would LeRoi Jones
do? Kill
Whitey,
that is all.

[Chump Change]

[ QUOTE ]
Frankly,
I'm embarrassed
for
all you
ratfinks
for even attempting to capture
the heart of a
Modern Woman
with such out-
dated forms!
Get with the times
[censored] [censored] [censored] boners
meter and rhyme is like
a metaphor without a
very specific direct
object = befuddling.
What would LeRoi Jones
do? Kill
Whitey,
that is all.

[/ QUOTE ]


lozlomg


i wouldn't've minded some of this action though:


"Frankly,
I'm embarrassed
for
all you
ratfinks
for even attempting to capture
the heart of a
Modern Woman
with such out-
dated forms!

Get with the times

[censored]

[censored]

[censored]

b
o
n
e
r
s


meter and rhyme is like



a



metaphor without a
very specific direct
object = befuddling.

What would LeRoi Jones
do?

Kill





Whitey,
that is all."

[YBravo]

Actually Stoppard does have the emphasis on the second syllable, I heard a tape of him one time and he said his own name "Stuhpard" with the emphasis on "pard."

Anyways, A+ just for fitting obfuscate in there

[Syberduh]

[ QUOTE ]
Actually Stoppard does have the emphasis on the second syllable, I heard a tape of him one time and he said his own name "Stuhpard" with the emphasis on "pard."

[/ QUOTE ]

Oops I've been saying it wrong for years then. Thanks for the info and response. And for having the bustedtees redhead as your avatar. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]