Borgata Trip Report ( long^2)

[asofel]

For those that don't know me, Hi, my name is Jack, and I have a drinking problem. Somehow that won't be evident though as this was the first trip to AC in which I didn't stay awake for 400 hours straight, consume 50+ drinks, and sleep for 27 second intervals in a mostly empty parking lot at 3am.

We rolled into the Borgata parking lot at noon. I'm amazed at how much construction is going on, and wonder how they can afford this shiny new building.

We head on in and check out the poker room. Its probably the largest I've seen, although Foxwoods is pretty damn big as well. I signup for a 1-2 game and ask for a card, as remembering to bring my own would be far too convenient. I'm directed back to the high roller area. 12 minutes later I finally reach the other side of the poker room, and try to figure out how much all of the pretty blue chips are worth. If green is 25, and black is 100, I reason that blue is most likely 52. I fight the urge to buy in to the 1-2 game with 5.769 of these chips, and approach the high stakes counter.

Loud-italian-guy is busy popping 3 Tylenol. A co-worker asks him 'wtf are you doing taking 8' and Loud-italian-guy explains the math behind counting. Co-worker makes a comment about "thats so my life" and walks away. Loud-italian-guy and I are perplexed (well, I was, I think he was only smart enough to be 'confused'), and I explain that I need a new card. Hating-life-obvi girl tells me that I have to get a card at the counter near the tv. I consider saying "thanks because there are only 76 tv's in here", but politely decide on "sorry but where?" Evidently I need to go back to where I came from. So, 12 minutes later and a pound lighter I'm back at the original desk asking for a card, again. Hating-life-obvi2 girl calls her manager, explains how "that lazy ass know dis machine is broke and can handle it her gatdamn self". I would so love to tell my boss "this mf'er program ain't doing crap, so push the gatdamn deadline back befo I gets medieval."

So, I head back to the high stakes area. Its 6pm at this point and I'm debating the logic of having a poker room 3.2 miles long. Hating-live-obvi girl takes my license and checks things out in the system. She matches my name and social, but gasp, the license number is different. Quick to see to the heart of the issue, she queries "is this a new license?" I again internally debate scathing sarcasm, but realize if the weekend ends without me playing a hand, I will feel mighty foolish. I calmly confirm the magic behind a new license number and finally get a shiny new Borgata card.

1-2 here I come.

I play for a while without much happening. Thats mostly a lie, but I only really remember the second day, so we'll pretend this is the first hand of interest.

I get 67o in some position and make a standard limp. 17 to the flop for $2 each. Flop is 8A2. In what is to be a typical round of betting, there is none, and we head to the turn, which is a 4. Now I've got a chance, so I bet something, maybe $10. I get one caller who looks like he fell asleep in a tanning bed. We'll call him Slightly-Burnt-Kiefer-Sutherland. The river is a magical 5, and I check, really wanting to make this hurt. He bets about $15 and I calmly say "$40 more". He kind of stares at me for a while, looks at his cards, looks at the board, drips some aloe onto the felt, and calls with A5. Pot is shipped, mental note taken, on to the next hand.

I raise AA to $15 and get two callers. Flop is 932. I bet out $30 and they both call. Hmm. Turn is a T, and I bet out $80. Fairly quick call, and then another call. Hmmmmm, this isn't good. The second caller is Slightly-Burt-Kiefer-Sutherland, and I've figured out between hands he's actually pretty good and really tight. His call really made me think he had TT. River comes: T. Ok, so maybe not TT, but this is still not good. I think about betting but finally check, and it's on Sorry-I-Called-You-A-Retard-Guy (more on him later). He pushes for about the size of the pot, and Slightly-Burnt-Kiefer-Sutherland folds. Ok good, back on me. Now, at the time this was no easy call. Sounds kind of easy in retrospect, but I'm really not liking it...if he did flop two pair at least he's counterfeited now though...so I call, and am amazed to see 52. Hot. This brought me back to being up about $100 or so. Corona time.

Sometime after this a new guy sits down to my right. We'll call him Stereotypical-Jersey-Guy-With-Big-Fake-Diamond-Earrings-And-A-Towel-(?)-On-His-Shoulder. Its 6 limpers to him, he calls, and I look down at 52. Now, for those that don't know, this is "The Blanks", named after a guy who cracks nuts with it, often playing it in tribute to his favorite ballet, the NutsCracker. Sorry to let that slip Blanks, but I agree, it really is beautiful. So, of course I call, because hey, why can't I win with it too?

Flop comes 2 2 7. Checks around to SJGWBFDEAAT?OHS who makes a decent stab at the pot. Now, although his bling is worth more than my life, I flopped trips, I ain't folding. I nonchalantly call and everyone else folds. Turn is something I don't remember and he bets again, this time about $100. [censored]. Despite the attire and that towel I'll just never understand, we'd been getting along, and chatting about how much everyone else at the table sucked...modestly, of course. He says something like "man, I've got 7's, don't get crazy...." Now, I don't know if he's trying to level me or what, but something smells bad, and its not the old man who I'm pretty sure just soiled himself. I end up just calling, it really didn't feel right. The river brings a magical 5. SJGWBFDEAAT?OHS stands up and says "pots big enough for me.......I check" At this point I start to believe him....I also start to cry on the inside because thats just such a pretty river.

"I check........."

He flips over 77.

Goddamn you Blanks.

Thank you SJGWBFDEAAT?OHS. Next time I see someone with fake diamond earrings and a towel on their shoulder, I won't be so quick to they suck at life.



The last big hand of the day involves the aforementioned Sorry-I-Called-You-A-Retard-Guy. He raises to $15 from his chair, and gets two callers, me with Qd8d, and Stacks-Of-Seven guy, who really did like keeping them in stacks of 7. I'm pretty sure it makes all of the mental math he was obviously doing easier, somehow.

Flop was 5d 7d Xy (Sorry, but evidently beer has alcohol in it and studies show that affects...something...) Sorry-I-Called-You-A-Retard-Guy bets around a third of the pot and I and SOS guy call. Turn is a blank, and Sorry-I-Called-You-A-Retard-Guy bets pretty big, enough to deny me the 2-1 odds I need on a flush draw. So, I fold and leave it to my man SOS. River is the two of diamonds....dammit....I'm never folding a flush draw again. SOS then bets. !?! Maybe my flush was no good? Ok cool, I'm never calling a flush draw again. Sorry-I-Called-You-A-Retard-Guy looks at him disgustedly. "You've got the flush, huh? Dammit!" SOS just sits there and Sorry-I-Called-You-A-Retard-Guy finally calls, and flips over AA. "You got the flush, right?" SOS says "No, two's", and for a split second I'm really hoping to see 28 or something...except he meant in his hand....22.....Sorry-I-Called-You-A-Retard-Guy looks at him, looks at the board, looks at the 2 on the river, looks at me, looks at SOS, and just lets it all out. "Are, you, serious, that is the WORST play, I've EVER seen, you RETARD (see? hence, the last part of the name), I can't believe BLAHBLBHLABHLAHBLHABLHA"

I'm somewhat laughing on the inside because thats just so sick, but also realize that the board was paired, and my flush would have been no good. (I'm back to never calling flush draws again).

Sorry-I-Called-You-A-Retard-Guy gets up and go's to punch some trees or something. SOS confidently stacks his chips knowing that 7 x 100% = Same Day Shipping.

A little later Sorry-I-Called-You-A-Retard-Guy comes back, and he's more composed. He tells the table "Sorry guys for before", and then looks at SOS: "Sir, I talked to my girlfriend......I'm sorry I called you a retard"
SOS just kind of smiles--he's still stacking the guy's chips. I chuckle again as Sorry-I-Called-You-A-Retard-Guy really is trying to apologize, and its just funny. That, and alcohol has beer in it, I think...

All in all I end up about $150 (almost 3 blue chips) before leaving to go to Caesar's and lose it at the worst table I've ever seen. A guy actually asked "so did I win?" while the dealer was pushing chips to someone else. I reaaaaaaaaaly wanted to say "Yes, but because you didn't raise on The Ocean, the other guy gets to play with your chips for the next hour".

Thats pretty much the first day...


Day 2 ----------------------------------------------------- (this line helps with letting you know that a day has passed) --------------------------------------


So we get to the Borgata around 11, having stayed at a Holiday Inn Express from 5am-10am. I'm not sure if that qualifies as 'lastnight', but I'm ready to use their catchy phrase anyway.

I try signing up for a 60+15 and 100+20 SNG, because they've got to have an incredibly good structure, right? I mean, there's no way the levels would be 25-50, 50-100, 100-200(75a), 4000-8000(1000a) 500000-1000000(your life-a).....and yet, somehow it turned out to be just that.

3 hands into this 100+20 I pickup my namesake, "Pocket Jacks". Raise it up, and get one caller. This table is mostly 35-50 year old men, glasses, and not much beer. (Oh yes, another Corona please.) One of these guys and I see a flop: AJx, two diamonds. He checks to me, and I make a bet of some kind. "Raise". (Yes please!). I think for a little bit, adjust my upside down Zegna sunglasses, and throw in the rest of my chips. He calls instantly. I think "[censored], I just ran into Aces". But Lo, not so! He flips over AJ. I think (at the time, and actually right up to the moment I'm typing this) "sweet, and if another A comes I'll have a full house!!"...which is correct....I neglected to realize that he would as well, and it would be better. I'm really glad another A didn't hit, or I'd be the next guy saying ".........he won?" as the dealer pushed chips to someone else.

So I've doubled up right away, which means I probably have about 7 bets, given the structure...

Things go by smoothly until we're three handed. Only top 2 make any money. Why did I sign up for this again?

I'm playing pretty well though and making good raises and reraises, and am second in chips to [censored]-On-The-Right. Oh, I forgot to mention--as soon as I won that pot with JJ, he turns to me and says "now no offense or anything buddy, but I'd rather you have those chips than him!" Good to know prick, I WILL REMEMBER THAT!!!! (and remember I did......when he played his favorite hand, "Big Lick" (69o), and beat a guys flopped trips, I turned to him and said "Now, no offense or nuthin, but i am MUCH happier to see you with those chips than THAT guy!) The table laughed a lot and I felt accepted.

So we're three handed and I haven't seen a face card in a while. At this point the blinds are 1x10^5/1x10^10 with an infinite ante, and I pickup 55. "All-in", and a quick call from Not-[censored]-On-The-Right. He flips over AK and we have what people call an "race situation"; why they bring people's ethnicity into it, i don't know, but thats what they tell me it is, so I cross my fingers and hum "Ebony and Ivory".

He flops 5 Kings (standard) and I'm down to having 0.0002 bets. I finally get it all in with J3s and am called by AA. Dagger in my heart, and I'm out. I also had to pee really really really badly, and I think I permanently damaged my bladder. I can hear my liver laughing and saying "take that, [censored]". I would make a joke about my butt replying, but its so beneath me (get it?!)

I sprint the 500 yards to the bathroom, and somehow don't wet myself. I dejectedly make my way back to a 1-2 table where my friends (we'll call them Friend-One and Friend-Two) are sitting. F1 in Seat 3, F2 in Seat 4, F-me in seat 5. Of note in Seat 6 is Guy-Who-Really-Doesn't-Like-Losing-To-Big-Calls (more to come) and Weird-Bendy-Arms-Oh-[censored]-He's-A-Midget-Glad-I-Didn't-Talk-[censored] in Seat 7 (known hereto-on-forward as WBAOSHAMGIDTS or bendy arms or guy that will probably kill me if he ever reads this).

Two hands of note: I call 53o in some position and the rest of the table does too. I think there was a raise, but that would be embarassing to admit to, so we'll just say I "limped" for "15". WBAOSHAMGIDTS is involved, and about 12 others as well.

Flop comes 234

Awesome, I have a pair and a draw and an overcard too. I bet and WBAOSHAMGIDTS raises. I think about standing up just to show how my height changes when I do that, and then feel really bad for thinking that. Evidently beer and alcohol go well together. Some guy who "limped" to "15" originally is all-in and its not much more for me to call. Given that there's X in the pot and he bet Y, I'm getting about (X+1)/Y odds to call, at least according to my friend, we'll call him "Maule". Hi Maule!

So of course I call, and so does bendy arms. Turn bricks (probably a K or something high). Bendy arms bets and I call, thinking if I try to push him off anything the fall down could be fatal.

He bets pretty big, trying to represent 6'1. I call cuz I'm that tall as well, and the river is an unbelievably beautiful 6.

He bets $100 leaving a few hundred behind, and I look down at my stack. I have about $300, so I finally say "ok, well, all-in!"

He is not happy, especially because I do stand at this point. The pot its pretty damn big, and I KNOW I've got him...he even says "You've got me"....but finally he calls.......

....and flips over 55........

huh?

You put me on 75? You think I would call a $15 raise PREFLOP with 75!?!?! GD IT!!!

So we split the pot....at this point someone says something about cracking someones Kings or whatever, and I notice a guy leaving the table. I see some face card looking things being swept into the muck...Maybe the guy will learn his lesson and not limp for $15 next time...

Having been so close to winning a six figure pot (or at least a stack of chips bigger than WBAOSHAMGIDTS), my calling instincts are ready. And this shall be the final big hand of the night.

It starts with a lady, and her king, both of the spade variety. In Texas Hold'em this is what you'd call a Suited Love Connection (in respect for the show). I raise preflop and get a finite number of callers.

Flop is 6s 6h Ts.

I do some quick math and figure I have a better than 100% chance of winning the pot, so how do I maximize my money? Short of asking bendy arms to star in Willow 2, I figure its just to get the guy to my left to massively overbet all in with a weak holding. So, I bet about $25 into the pot, he thinks, and pushes for $100 something. I snap call after about 4 minutes of pontification and pretty much taking a sledgehammer to the fish tank and he turns up...T8!!

Turn: 7h

River: K

My internal "YES!" is accompanied by his external "DAMMIT", backed by a slam of his fist. I think the force catapaulted bendy off somewhere; I hope they've found him....


So after dragging this $300 something pot, I'm up (you guessed it) $150. Evidently my bankroll prefers winning and losing in terms of Limit bets.

We leave soon after, and stop to bet on the ponies. I've never done this, so of course I win my $2 straight exacta. Friend1 tells me I've won $69. Unfortunately the lady hands me only $12. What a rake.



That about wraps this up nice and concisely; I'd go into more detail, but I don't think I've ever typed this much in my life, and i'm a programmer by day...


Jack

p.s. No little people were harmed in the creation of this story, and any vague and indirect resemblances to inappropriate comments are complete acts of fiction...like when they say that on Law & Order about the case where someone crashed a plane into these two tall buildings.