Telling people they need to lose weight (or other unpleasant things).

[SmileyEH]

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can we hijack this, to, say, how to tell your girl she gives bad head? (things that actually need to be said)

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lol at all you donkeys that don't talk about sex with your partners.

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hey I'm just trying to give a good thread hijack here to a lame OP. Don't be a douche in ElD forum. HU for bitches?

how about this: A relative gives you a totally [censored] gift but you are super balla and would never use that crap. You just say "hey ma this is crap, take it back to Walmart."?

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Parents/close siblings. Sure I guess. Everyone else: no way, besides unless your relatives are super rich it's not like they are capable of giving "balla" gifts to anyone anyway. Thought that counts, say thank you blah blah

[PartyGirlUK]

Victor right, Im just trying to find some way to motivate them to get healthy, to help them in some way.

[NozeCandy]

Is your brother Dutch Boyd?

[chicheebee]

i think telling someone they need to lose weight without then being prepared to do something about it is probably useless and unneccessarily hurtful. whoever mentioned joining a gym together (or going shopping or on walks together) was definitely on the right track imo. they may have no interest in losing weight, in which case there's nothing you can do, but if they do want to but lack the willpower/motivation/whatever, then that might be something you can help with

[eastcoaster]

If you really want to broach the subject, lead into it by indicating to them how much having them as a friend/brother means to you. Then maybe ask them how they feel about their weight. Make sure you convey to them that you are not judging them, but that your asking them is genuinely because you care for them. Again, make sure that they know that you are not judging them. Also, this is not a subject I would broach during the course of a meal.

About the best you can really do, though, is to offer to help them if they ever decide that they want to make changes in their life that would help effect weight loss. Let them know that you will support them and their efforts. If you do this, however, you really have to follow through if they take you up on your offer. If not, they will think you were only judging them and they will likely distance themselves from you.

Some people just really don't care to lose weight and there is nothing you can do about it. It is their body and their life and their choices to eat unhealthy and not exercise. A guy I know is pretty large (probably obese). He has a really hard time with dieting, says he just likes foods that taste good (i.e. fast foods) and hates exercising. He knows what the net results will be on his body, but he just likes the taste of unhealthy foods too much.

[secretprankster]

Standard play is to fake-ignore it and then discuss it behind his back everytime he not within earshot.

[Dids]

Dean,

I think you asked me about this before on AIM, but my thoughts.

I was able to no-sell my mother pretty much telling me "I'm scared for your life". I ignored all of the advice from my friends. I wasn't really able to motivate myself to change until I was faced with my own mortality (long story, but heart burn that I thought was a heart attack which scared me into not being an [censored]).

Everybody is different, but my biggest advice is being direct. Let them know you care, let them know that this isn't about body image, getting laid, anything else, it's about them not being dead before 50.

When you can, eat out with them. Just being there will hopefully dictate that they make better decisions. Don't be afraid to be that voice in the back of their head telling them they're making a bad choice. Just do it in a way that lacks judgement (or has as little as possible).

Good luck, I hope you friend pulls his head out of his ass.

[jeffnc]

The way I'd go about it, which is the same way I go about it with my "getting up there" parents, is to discuss health issues rather than weight. (My father is slender, my mother is overweight, but both hear the same story.) Exercise for example, as oppposed to losing weight. It has other social benefits too, if it's like cycling or basketball, or even the gym. Or yoga class. If you go at it from this angle, sometimes the weight issue follows, but it's indirect. Even if weight loss doesn't follow, their health still is better if they exercise. It's just less of a personal thing to talk about exercise rather than them (their fat, which is part of them.)

[Gildwulf]

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Were you brought up in a barn? I'm a skinny old (female) coot, and I still know that you never, ever tell people they need to lose weight, never, not unless you're their doctor. Guess what, dude, they already know they're fat. Do you seriously think these people are idiots? As far as living past 40, fat people live past 40 with no problem, it's anorexics who die in their 20s. When you reach my age, you'll feel pretty silly, because the fat people go on and on, and it's my skinny friends who keep conking over in their 50s. Fat people may die in their 60s, in which case they are not giving up the best part of life. My vote: zip your lip.

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This sounds like post-decision rationalization from a fattie.

Just saying.

[JaBlue]

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speaking from personal experience, there is no real point in telling people this stuff, they know it, it is up to them to change.

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True. My mom is overweight and has been "trying to lose weight" since she gained it after having me and my brother. She still eats tons of chocolate and other assorted comfort foods, especially when stressed out. Talking to her about this stuff hasn't helped anything just like with my chain smoker dad. I just try to encourage her to eat healthy and offer to join her on swims, runs, hikes, etc. Probably the best I can do. Helps a ton that she has a new boyfriend who is a great health-conscious cook.