Standard Parent Question

[tarheeljks]

[ QUOTE ]
If you are under 30, you shouldn't be having kids.

I think that for several people, they go through changes. If you force yourself to try to have a wife at 25 or whatever, you will be a statistic like the other 75% of unsuccessful marriages, and you don't want that for kids. I think that these days, we are maturing in more ways, and nature seems to know that, and it does not allow us to mature to child-wanting until we are ready. Unfortunately, many people feel rushed into parenthood, and that does not turn out good.

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if you are getting kids and having married just to fulfill a plan, i don't think it really matters how old you are.

[odellthurman]

For a lot of people, having kids is wonderful, and it's very difficult to explain to young persons, which make up the vast majority of people on this forum. For many, the time with their children was a great time in their life, and it is natural that they would want to recapture that experience to some extent through their grandchildren.

Or an alternate explanation is that they just want to control your lives and impose their own value system on you. It's natural for your parents to want you to do many of the same things that they did, which would include having children. That sort of feeling is what keeps sites like this going. Despite protestations to the contrary, we all feel that we know best when it comes to religious beliefs, politics, girls, having or not having kids, whatever, so we try to convince each other that we are right.

[Stagger_Lee]

Depending on how old you are you could both be taking this conversation way too seriously.

There is a chance that you really have no idea what will happen, despite trying to rationalise your current position and behaviour.

[youtalkfunny]

I never wanted to have kids, either...

...until the day I held my oldest for the first time.

Not saying that you'll make the same radical change in attitude--merely pointing out that you might.

[Conspire]

My views on life are always changing, but having my parents say that I should do something just makes me want to do the opposite.

[Fishwhenican]

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My views on life are always changing, but having my parents say that I should do something just makes me want to do the opposite.

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That is pretty natural and I am the same way. But, I am 47 years old now and when I look back to who and what I was 20 or 30 years ago and I am a totally different person than I wsa then. I think that is the same for most people. As we age things change.

[bogey1]

[ QUOTE ]
A couple days ago I was having a conversation with my parents and my mother brought up the issue of having kids. I have never really discussed this and I told her that I dont see myself having kids ever. She gave me this look of disappointment as if I had done something wrong.

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I'm not sure it's dissapointment. Maybe somewhat. Since your mother obviously enjoyed having you, she isn't going to emotionally grasp why you aren't looking forward to having kids of your own.

I think, beyond dissapointment, part of that "look" is hurt. Somewhere inside her is a voice asking "Was his childhood so bad, was my parenting so poor, that it's made him not want children? Is this my fault?" And she fills with sadness, not just because you don't want children, but because it calls into question whether the life she gave you as a child was a good one.

Now, obviously, you know it's got nothing to do with that. But, I can tell you, as a parent, you want so much for your child's life to have been a happy one that your gut instinct is that you've failed when he/she rejects having a child of their own. It's not really logical, but it's there.

[Selfish Gene]

Murderer.

[wheelflush]

[ QUOTE ]
If you are under 30, you shouldn't be having kids.

[/ QUOTE ]lol blanket statements. i know plenty of good parents in their 20s. i know a lot of unimpressive parents in their 30s and 40s.
on average, kids with young parents are healthier. they also get to know their grandparents before they die.
just thought this needed a mention.

[katyseagull]

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they also get to know their grandparents before they die.
just thought this needed a mention.

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this is an excellent point. Some grandparents are very cool.