Once a cheater always a cheater.........

[wacki]

NLsoldier and I were having a little convo about this and I figured I should ask the masses. Any born again non-cheaters here? What made you convert? Anyone seen a cheater change his ways? What about those that cheat on most relationships but claim they are faithful to lover X. Just curious as to how often it happens and what are the telltale signs that he/she truly has converted.

I have a feeling it doesn't happen without some major trauma (STD scare, abusive relationship, age related crisis, etc) but I'm always try to keep an open mind and learn from other people.

EDIT: X-posted in EDF by request of NLsoldier, all hail El Diablo!

[steel108]

I'll be honest here. I used cheat on every girl I was with. I was immature and believed that I was entitled to [censored] whomever I pleased. Most of my friends knew that I cheated on my girlfriends and gave me props. I just never really considered the ramifications of my actions.

2 things changed my ways. I haven't cheated on a girl since my girlfriend from my junior year in college and I doubt I ever will again either.

(1) I had a girl cheat on me. I don't want to go into the details, but I wasn't upset because I thought I was in love or anything... I just felt betrayed.

(2) My sister's boyfriend cheated on her. To see her go through that, made me feel like a piece of [censored] for every girl I ever cheated on. I honestly hope that I didn't cause the pain that my sister went through.

Here is a completely random question.

What if you had a friend who was getting married to a girl soon and you know that he cheats on her constantly and still does.... what should you do? I have already told him not to marry her bc of that fact. He says he will stop cheating when he gets married

[wacki]

Steel, thanks for sharing. That certainly opened up my eyes. The sister thing is not something I would expect to convert a cheater. How upset was she? Was it just crying for a few days or was it something much more traumatic than that?

As for the friend/marriage thing that is a tough spot. I honestly don't know what I would do.

[ArturiusX]

I'd say only a small fraction of cheaters are able to fully convert. The problem is, unlike a drug user, the rammifications only come into play if you get caught.

[steel108]

[ QUOTE ]
Steel, thanks for sharing. That certainly opened up my eyes. The sister thing is not something I would expect to convert a cheater. How upset was she? Was it just crying for a few days or was it something much more traumatic than that?

As for the friend/marriage thing that is a tough spot. I honestly don't know what I would do.

[/ QUOTE ]

She was with the guy for over a year and a half and he was her first. That should give you hints about her state. Me and my brother wanted to go to his house with a bat and break his knee caps, but my sister said he wasn't worth it and begged us not to. I kind of felt like a hypocrite for being so angry since I was probably a bigger slime ball than he was. He actually told her and she probably wouldn't have ever found out.

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
What if you had a friend who was getting married to a girl soon and you know that he cheats on her constantly and still does.... what should you do? I have already told him not to marry her bc of that fact. He says he will stop cheating when he gets married

[/ QUOTE ]

Sure he will.

Better yet, what if he asks you to be the best man? Could you stand up there next to him, showing full support of the marriage knowing all this?

I kinda detest these types of people. Why? Because they're putting you in a spot where if they get caught, the last one they'll blame it on is themselves.

b

[tdarko]

Wacki,

I had never cheated on a girl until my last gf (not my current one). I guess you are asking for reasons and I hope they don't sound like excuses b/c there isn't any excuse for it. I shouldn't have been in the relationship but I was a coward and using this person as a security blanket. The relationship was long distance, I was out of the state for most of the year, either in college or then eventually playing professional baseball. When I got home she was at a school that wasn't where I lived. We saw each other but not that much.

I broke off the relationship for a few reasons. First, the relationship was [censored]. Secondly, I couldn't go on in a relationship of lies and knowing what had gone on. I needed a clean slate.

My current gf and I don't have any skeletons in the closet and what I felt like in the previous relationship is plenty enough to ever keep me from doing anything. On top of what I would feel like, I couldn't hurt my current gf whereas my previous one it didn't matter that much to me. I want my gf now to be happy and I want to treat her with the respect that she deserves (should have treated the previous one the same way...lesson learned). Now that I have learned this, I am happier and the relationship is smoother as well.

[SoloAJ]

I imagine there are a great number of cheaters who reform. The problem from the outside is that you have no way of knowing if they have reformed; there are no tell-tale signs. Because of this inability to distinguish between reformed cheaters and non-reformed ones, I simply assume the worst in such people.

I know of a couple who just recently married at age 22 and about a year ago he cheated on her with her best friend. Apparently he is "reformed" and she wants to be with him. EV on the divorce rate here has to be well over 90% in my estimation.

Anyway, I, like others in this thread, have gone through changes. I used to think that if the girl didn't love her boyfriend enough not to cheat on him, that it wasn't meant to be and no great crime if she cheats (assuming he finds out). Then he can at least dump her.

Unfortunately, life isn't so simple. I now think that cheating all around is scumbaggy. I would even say that a guy who knows a girl he is pursuing is taken is a scumbag if he KNOWS and cheats. If you pick a girl up and the next day a husband shows up with a bat and you had no idea, well thats just bad luck.

[PITTM]

i cheated in poker when i first started to play, i havent considered cheating since. I have never cheated on a girl and wouldnt. I cheated on homework and tests in high school, but didnt do it in college. Do i count as reformed?

[adsman]

Here's a slightly different angle on this topic. I have never cheated on a girl when I've been in a relationship, but I have slept with girls who were in relationships themselves. Am I bad?