Help Me Be Less of an Insensitive Prick

[MicroBob]

I mentioned the 30 minute calling thing to my GF and she confirmed that would be beyond the patience-meter of almost any nurse.

[chesspain]

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She actually said "Let me be in denial for the next two hours" this morning. I'm like, OK, but just leaving her alone is the only way I know how to do that, and that's not being supportive either.



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Says who?

[Hoi Polloi]

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Dude, a world in which you of all people are an 'insensitive prick' is a world where the bar for sensitivity is set pretty [censored] high.

First thing you oughta to is take it a little easier on yourself, maybe. After that, I really don't know what to tell you, except that imo it's probably better to err on the side of unconditional squeeze-and-nuzzle style support, with less trying to reason. I blindly concur with the majority!

My unlimited condolences to y'all in your time of family crisis [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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That's good advice and I second the condolences.

Here's a thought. Rationality is not needed in this situation. Support your wife emotionally, not rationally. That is, just listen and be there when she wants you to be there. After all, there's not much that's rational about losing someone who you're extremely close to. It's like a part of you is dying. Your wife is dealing with that; irrationally perhaps but then it is irrational.

Good luck.

[jeffnc]

What your wife wants sounds pretty simple (not to make light of your difficult situation.) You don't need to "leave", just be around her and nod your head in agreement when she says something, or just say "yeah".

[DLizzle]

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try listening more and talking less.

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do this. don't leave her alone, but shut the [censored] up basically.

[Emperor]

By nature, men are "fixers", we are always trying to fix the situation, offer suggestions, bring back to reality those who are being emotionally irrational, however this isn't what women want.

Women think they want us men to be supportive, and understanding, and to share in the emotions. This is true right up until you achieve this, and they'll want something else.

"Women are crazy, just use them for what they're good for" - my good friend, intelligent beyond his years.

[DannyOcean_]

Yeah, if she's really becoming emotional about all of this, its hard to blame her and say 'You really should view things in a more logical light. You are, in fact, an adult and please no more of your silly beliefs.'

Everyone has the point where some amount of pain and suffering or whatever will cause them to act irrationally. Every single person on Earth. No one is Spock. Just because yours is farther down the line and hers is really close doesn't make you any better or worse than her. Just different. So try to focus on maximizing HER happiness and HER state of being and you'll probably be doing a good job.

[diamonddawg]

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try listening more and talking less.

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This. And let your wife do whatever she wants. Just hang in there.

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Think of all the times you wish she'd do the same. And lead by example. And god bless, as it is tough, so go be by yourself sometimes.

[Bicycles_Biatch]

Just be there for a hug and say less... all you can do is be cool. The more you talk... the more likely it is you'll stick your foot in your mouth.

[crashjr]

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Just be there for a hug and say less... all you can do is be cool. The more you talk... the more likely it is you'll stick your foot in your mouth.

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Great advice. In fact, you won't even realize that you have said something that has offended her or upset her until it is too late. Just be there, let her know you are there 1-2 times a day, give her a hug, give her space, and let her grieve.

There is a middle ground that you need to occupy. Nobody who is grieving needs an insensitive dick around, and nobody who is grieving wants overbearing friends or family members. Occupy the middle.

So yeah, more hugs, less talk, and let time pass.