Ask buriedbeds about losing 200 lbs (very, very long)

[buriedbeds]

Sorry my posting's been spotty lately...things are REALLY busy for me right now, but I'll still try to keep up in here as often as I can (as long as there's interest).

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Now that you've reached your goal of XL and a weight of mid-to-low 200's, which is a great achievement considering what you've been through ... why not set the bar even higher?

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Nothing. I never said that I was done. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] I said I reached my goal size - which was an impossible dream where I was. I hadn't shopped in a non-plus-sized (i.e. "normal") store since I was 11 years old...think about that. I'm now thinner than I was when I was 11, and I'm probably 8 inches taller.

Do I still want to lose weight? Yes. I am still in weight loss mode. But my goal when I started was XL, because I was a 6x and it seemed like even this was literally impossible, after years of dieting. Again, I tried EVERYTHING - and I'll also tell you that ANYONE you see who's big is the same...you don't get that big without trying EVERY WAY POSSIBLE to lose weight. It just doesn't stick or what you've tried isn't what your body needs - or any other the other million things that can and will sidetrack you. I'm just thankful that I finally had the strength to try one last thing. If it didn't work, I was done. I was pretty much conceding to early death.

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You say that you have a big build--which I don't doubt, considering your weight growing up--but depending on your height, it is a widely accepted medical fact that your ideal weight is a probably good 30-40 pounds lower, and losing that extra weight will be definitively beneficial.

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Again, I don't disagree...I know I'm still probably really fat by the standards of the people on this board. But I'm no longer a freak who sticks out walking down the street and I'm healthy, and, again, that was more than I could have dreamed when I started this.

I do disagree with the term "ideal" in an absolute sense - I don't think that weight/height charts are worth anything. I do agree with it in a relative sense - where YOU are healthy and YOU are strong without being under-weight. And I'm shooting for that. I have no idea what that weight will be, as I have never been it. But I'll keep going until I get there.

This thread was done because I'd set it as a goal of mine when I got to this particular goal, largely because of the many threads I've seen related to weight loss (Bison's OOT weight loss challenge, the thread about being prejudiced against fat people that ElD started in here, all the abuse that Dids has taken (even if he and I never got along all that well)). I wanted to both potentially let people who are in my old boat know that it can be done while maybe humanizing the other side of the fence for people who so bitterly dislike the obese.

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I don't think you'll find a lot of 30 year olds with early stages of diabetes, hypertension, or dangerously high serum levels of cholesterol. Not a lot of 30 year olds ever expect they are already headed down that path.

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How old are you? Being around that age with lots of friends around that age, I totally disagree. This is when a lot of people start having those bad checkups at the doctor's office...my gf went on it because of high cholesterol (which went down, btw), my friend went on it because of high blood pressure (which went down, btw). And as to diabetes - well, there you're just wrong...a lot of people have even stopped using the term "juvenile onset" for type one diabetes because type two is showing up so often in younger and younger populations:

http://care.diabetesjournals.org/cgi.../full/27/4/998
http://www.nih.gov/news/pr/nov2007/niddk-13.htm

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I'm not trying to diminish your accomplishments: they are quite impressive and inspirational. But it kinda seems from your comments in this thread that you feel satisfied with your weight and health and don't have much motivation to slim down further.

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I hope we've cleared that up, then.

Incidentally, everyone should read this book if you're interested in diet, exercise, epidemiology, etc. It's interesting, and it's written by a reputable main-stream writer (for the NY times and Science magazine) for a mainstream publishing house. It's not some marginalized whacko, and it's not a diet book that tells you what to eat. It's about the science of nutrition and the flaws with the science that has forwarded a lot of the present day nutritional beliefs.

-bb.

[buriedbeds]

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Good to hear!

I admit I have always looked down on morbidly obese people and this does give me some insight. It also shows that anyone can make their way out of it.

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I'm very, very glad to hear that. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

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In your mind, do you feel there is any excuse for being obese?

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Define "excuse"...there are REASONS for being obese. Some are medical, some are because of parenting that set up negative patterns and behaviors, etc. etc. etc. For the medical ones, a lot of people are told that it's their personal faults as a human being that are doing it, and they are shamed into believing that their "lack of character" or personal faults are their reason for being fat, so they never get it fixed - or maybe not until they're much older. PCOS in women is a major problem, or thyroid disorders for both genders, as examples.

As to being set in a cycle of negative patterns and behaviors, you're stuck three ways - first, you, too are hit with being told that it's your personal faults as a human being that are doing it, and you, too, are shamed into believing that your "lack of character" is your reason for being fat. If that's the case, then why even try?? You're an irredeemable loser. You lack character. The whole "if you're going to treat me like a criminal, then why not be one" mentality.

Next, because you were never taught and don't know what can really help you nor what really works for someone in your boat (because the patterns set in front of you were ineffective by those with similar genetics), you don't KNOW what kind of diet will work for you. For example, some people will be very healthy eating a well-rounded vegetarian diet. I tried it, I was constantly unbelievably hungry. Some people will be healthy and happy with the AHA's recommended diet. I tried it, I was always hungry. For others, weight watchers will work - doesn't work for me. Some people, like me, need to cut out the sugars, starches and other carbohydrates before they're going to be healthy and happy. Obviously, there are thousands of other kinds of diets out there. And because you don't know what works for someone with your body, you can hit a LOT of dead ends before you hit the one that does it for you - that is if you're lucky enough to continue to have the will to keep trying long enough that you don't first either die or concede to what other people have been telling you your whole life - that you're just a lazy loser who doesn't give a damn about your own health or personal presentation (even though you've tried SO DAMNED HARD for SO DAMNED LONG, which none of these genetically-blessed skinny people understand because they only see you in doses at work or school) - and give up.

Third, it is really, really, really, really hard to re-learn something so extraordinarily basic to your existence. Eating and sex are the two fundamentals of life. The same way that learned sexual patterns are difficult to break (fetishes formed in early adolescence, your view of what a "functioning" male-female relationship is really like, for example), so too are the ones you've learned about eating. It gets hard-wired into your brain and you need to put a lot of effort into changing it because your brain learned early on what was supposed to make you survive, and it's going to want what it's going to want. You need to spend a lot of time and effort teaching it otherwise, because it doesn't want to screw that up and let you go and kill yourself - it thinks it's trying to save you.

So is there an excuse? Well, if you're still looking to fix it, then definitely. And if you're NOT still looking to fix it, then there are reasons like the ones I've described. They may not be acceptable to you, if you're a thin person who's never faced it, but I think you can at least see how it could happen. And how degrading them as human beings directly contradicts their ultimate goal to NOT be degraded - it sets up in their minds the idea of "I guess I just am a loser. I guess I just am a failure."

Some willful pricks, like me, however, just won't listen to that. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

-bb.

[buriedbeds]

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My feeling is twofold: first, I understand it. They are trying to regain their sense of self, to say "I am a valuable person despite my physical traits," which I support just as I support anyone who wants to affirm their value despite being put down for being black, gay - whatever. Because I absolutely believe that that's true. I'm TREATED today like I'm a more valuable person than I was 2 years ago, but I am not. I was just as caring, competent, hard-working, sincere, funny, dedicated and devoted to my friends and family today as I was then. I am NOT a better person. I am a THINNER person. Which, really, has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE CONTENT OF MY CHARACTER.

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I disagree completely with your last sentence. It may be contrary to what you believe, but I think being mordibly obese says a lot about a man's (or woman's) character. If anything, our society errs on the side of materialism, but there is something quite important about being presentable, about being healthy, about putting your best foot forward.

It's not that I don't feel for people who are overweight, particularly if they are fighting depression and their eating habits are tied into this. It's not that they are "bad" people in the sense that I wouldn't expect them to torture dogs or molest children. But they are weak, and weakness can't be looked at as not somehow a personalilty trait.

Your weight loss demonstrates something quite important about your character - strength. Don't sell yourself short.

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Yeah, it does - AND IT DID FOR ALL THOSE YEARS THAT I WAS TRYING AND FAILING.

So what, you think I suddenly "gained" character?? You think I suddenly "gained" strength?? I didn't. I had them all along. You - or rather people with your mentality that I encountered - COMPLETELY misread me due to ignorance and misleading and wrong-headed sterotyping, and because of that missed out on the opportunity to get to know me as a human being - one that is good, honest, hard working and sincere. And that's YOUR loss.

It is hard to see that when you're going through it, but that's the way I see it now. Now that people look me in the eye, now that I'm actually viewed as who I am instead of what I am.

I have MILES of strength, MILES of character. You try walking in the shoes I walked in for a week and see how YOU do. Getting messed with by people you don't know, having people avoid looking you in the eye, having people treat you like a pariah because you got stuck in a real bad situation and can't get out of it. Did I lack character or strength because I TRIED losing weight in every way imaginable and failed?? NO. I TRIED. It didn't work. I tried nutrisystem, weight watchers, a personal nutritionist, slim fast, the AHA diet, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. etc. I did NOT lack strength. I did NOT finally find it because I lost weight. Period. And in my interactions with other people in the same boat that I've come across, I've yet to find a SINGLE ONE who can't say the same. Not ONE. I do not know anyone who's gotten to be big that did not try desperately to find something to fix it. If such an animal does exist - yeah, I don't think much of them, either. But I've yet to come across them, and I doubt that anyone who you'd be talking about was what you think they were, either.

This is why when people say to me, "you're a whole new person!" I ALWAYS correct them. I am NOT a new person. I am me. I always was me, I always will be me. I am just thinner and healthier now. That is all. The "who" of my personality is the same. I can just run up the steps at the Philly art museum two at a time now without getting real winded. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] But the fundamentally good things about my personality - as well as my weaknesses - are still there. Even if short-sighted, small-minded people couldn't - or chose not to - see the good before.

As to your comment about depression - well, maybe they are depressed. But correlation is not the same thing as causation. Suicide and depression rates among gay teens are extraordinarily high. Does that mean that being gay makes you depressed or makes you kill yourself? No. It is the surrounding culture that makes them feel guilty and ashamed of themselves, driving them to depression and suicide. You try going through life in a world you don't fit into, going on job interviews that you KNOW you're good for and knowing as soon as you see the expression on the hiring person's face that you have no shot, getting hassled by strangers and constantly told about your lack of "character" and other supposed shortcomings while NOT being depressed. It ain't [censored] easy. In fact, it's really goddamned hard. Seriously - take everything in your daily life, all your normal problems and trials, and go through all that crap being in a world you don't fit into being hassled and told you're [censored] as a human being. You don't think you'd be a little blue?? Skinny people are plenty melodramatic with their [censored] little problems, and they don't have to deal with any of that. THAT'S lack of character. THAT'S lack of strength.

-bb.

[Styhn]

That was a very inspirational OP, thanks bb. I've been trying to loose some weight myself and I hope to be able to use your experience as guide.

I have a question though; how did you feel about alcohol, both now and when you were on a diet? I'm in college right now so there's a lot of oppertunities to drink, lot's of "temptations". I don't drink a lot but we all know beer is a nono when you want to loose weight. How did you deal with it?

[xorbie]

bb,

I'm not trying to imply that fat people are all lack character, or that you once were and now aren't. I'm not saying I would never associate myself with people who I perceive as not being very strong, or that I'd purposelly look to mess with people who are overweight (or ugly, or anything). People who do that are scum, and I'd be the first in line to say that I'd rather seek out an overweight person as a friend than someone who lacks the self-confidence to not make fun of strangers.

What I am saying is that strength of character is an important personality trait. You seem like a strong person, you simply failed in the past because you tried to solve a problem the wrong way. That doesn't mean that all fat people are strong people who have simply tried the wrong thing. Many are just never going to get thin because they don't have the strength to do it. Does it help that people make fun of them and question them and all that? No, and that's why I'd never do it. I don't want to pretend that we are all islands or some such. At the same time, the information is out there. It's not like Atkins is a secret. If someone wants, really, really, really, really, really wants to lose weight, AND GOES ABOUT DOING IT THE CORRECT WAY, they will lose weight (barring some medical conditions). That people may be ignorant and try fad diets doesn't mean they lack strength, but if they simply stop there without trying what is frankly a pretty popular and well known strategy... well that strikes me as rather lazy.

I don't think you are a whole new person, but I think it's incorrect to say you are the same. The "who" and the "what" you are aren't so easy to seperate. Being able to go out in public and climb stairs and play sports, that makes you a different person. You can talk about your soul or character or whatever you'd like, but you are no longer the same person.

You then talk about depression. I'm clearly not saying weight causes depression. However, you need to realize that however cruel society can be, being overweight is quite bad for its own reasons. And with all that I feel for you and the struggles you've gone through, telling sob stories isn't helpful to anyone. The people who make fun of you aren't going to stop, and using it as a defense mechanism is surely not productive. Don't act like nobody but yourself (or gay people) has had feelings of being ostracized. I've been atheist in a Jewish school, Jewish in a catholic camp, I've been made fun of. At some point you decide whether to just tell people to [censored] off or let some [censored] run your life. You find friends and family, and those people give a [censored] about your problems and how hard things are for you. Nobody else does. And maybe the world is too cruel, but honestly I wouldn't have it any other way. Trial by fire and all that [censored].

And honestly, a comment like this:

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Skinny people are plenty melodramatic with their [censored] little problems, and they don't have to deal with any of that.

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is just beyond [censored] stupid.

[swingdoc]

Hey BB

Nice work. Maybe I missed this, but what was the turning point for you? Was there one point or situation that was rock bottom for you?

[kafkaFan1]

Hey good story and good writing. How did you deal with the long term nature of your problem? If it was me I am skeptical of my ability to get out of it, it took you two years you said and even now you are still overweight. Was it overwhelming, when you had bad days and were depressed and couldn't do anything becuase you still had a big weight problem why didn't you give up and relapse?

What sort of emotions have you dealt with because of this? Were you angry at maybe your parents because of the problem? Do you feel great pride in yourself everyday and are in a constant state of elation for conquering something so massive? Anyway, your story gets my admiration and respect, gl to you in the future.

[Tien]

I didn't read through the thread but that's one incredible story of perseverance. So many people out there need that kind of drive you have.

[Tien]

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I tried nutrisystem, weight watchers, a personal nutritionist, slim fast, the AHA diet

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I always thought these "systems" were full of [censored] anyways.


When you said you tried "EVERYTHING" you obviously didn't try to walk around the block [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[WillMagic]

Just a thank you - this inspired me to lose some goddamn weight. So thanks for that.

- Will