Really F-d up situation I have found myself in...(long)

[KilgoreTrout]

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You could start [censored] with his life, find out where he's from and let his wife know that he's going after your woman. He may be crazy, but nothings crazier than a woman who's being cheated on.

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AJ, are you taking over BadAdviceGuy's account or something?

Joe's moving in a few months. He should just chill out until he gets his fresh start. I still think he should proceed cautiously with this woman though. My Spidey Sense is up.

[grandgnu]

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You could start [censored] with his life, find out where he's from and let his wife know that he's going after your woman. He may be crazy, but nothings crazier than a woman who's being cheated on.

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AJ, are you taking over BadAdviceGuy's account or something?

Joe's moving in a few months. He should just chill out until he gets his fresh start. I still think he should proceed cautiously with this woman though. My Spidey Sense is up.

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Given that Captail Laos has been using a P.I. to track down this girl and is now stalking Joe, if he continues his relationship with her, he's going to have to deal with the f'er whether he moves away or not.

Who wants to live on the run from some psycho for the rest of their lives. He shouldn't have to move everytime someone screws with him.

If this guy continues the harrassment, and is still married, his wife should be made aware of the situation. Maybe she'll do the dirty work and kill the prick.

If Joe is going to break it off with the girl and move away, well, then just lay low and wait for it to blow over. Or watch a bunch of Van Damme and Seagal movies and get pumped up and try some moves on the guy, take him out kung-fu style. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[Eder]

I havnt read the whole thread, but I have been in a similar situation years ago. Solution was to be proactive. There are people that will do things for money...1k will probably solve your problem...(esentially you hire a guy to go talk sense into this guy in a way he is sure to understand)...no reason to be looking over your shoulder forever worried that some semi- insane twit will threaten you.

[Blarg]

I'm not sure how good an idea it is, but it just occurred to me, because of this advice to tell his wife. If he is making you nervous by tracking you down, why not do the same to him? Use a P.I. yourself, and if you get to talking with him, let him know that you know his home address too, and where he works, and the name of his boss, where his parents live, and where his wife works, etc. Let him know you have shared this information with your friends. You might even let him know that the only thing keeping this at a stalemate is because you understand how love is, but you don't want him to lose his job. Sorta sympathetic like but at the same time letting him know that the bad things are not just one-sided here, and that messing you up isn't going to stop the chain, since your friends know, too.

If the guy thinks it's his own nuts being put to the fire by his behavior, perhaps that might make him reconsider. I know if someone told me they know where I live, where my parents live, and where I work and where my wife works, I would think of him on a whole other level, and would be pretty friggin certain it was the right thing to do before I continued doing stupid stuff. Then again, I'm not crazy, but even crazy people are usually not totally crazy. If the guy thinks about what happen to his mom or wife, he's going to have to do a lot of justifying in his head to put them in that kind of spot.

[rory]

A friend of mine's father was some high ranking official in the Air Force back in the day. We call him The Commander. He is Very Southern and Very Direct and gives the most impossible to follow but excellent advice about everything when you ask him questions. The advice is always given in Air Force analogies, though.

I think his advice would be:

"Son, when your bird is on fire ya'll don't go ridin her into the god damn ground. You e-ject son! You're ridin this one into the ground. You got to e-ject before she crashes into the deck and burns you up with her!"

Something like that.

That is, if you are not in love with her and are just having a good time. If you are madly in love, well.. then, that is a different story.

[AAmaz0n]

geez, Joe that is one scary situation.

As others have said, arm yourself with whatever you are comfortable with and be careful. Since you are currently somewhat incapacitated, it is doubly important to have something in hand that gives you an advantage.

The part with the guys coming up to your roomie is particularly troubling; does he have buddies watching your place or something? That's just way too creepy.

I know that re-evaluating your relationship with this woman at the point might seem a bit cold or like giving in to pressure, but is worth thinking about. I'm a bit biased because folks that I have gotten involved with who have psycho ex's usually have some issues themselves that I find out about after a while amd I wind up moving on anyway.

About the only thing I can think of that I can do to be helpful is to give you some info on SoCal; please feel free to contact me if you have questions about moving here. I've been here since 96 and just love it. The good news is that there are plenty of good looking available women here, most of whom don't have psychokiller exboyfriends.

best of luck, and be careful.

Shauna

[wacki]

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Use a P.I. yourself, and if you get to talking with him, let him know that you know his home address too, and where he works, and the name of his boss, where his parents live, and where his wife works, etc. Let him know you have shared this information with your friends.

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This is an excellent idea. I can't believe I didn't think of this because it's such an obvious answer. Just let him know your friends know in a nonchallenging but ominous manner.

[kerpowski]

Joe,

Sorry to hear about this mess. When you are making your decision on this please keep in mind that this is a long term problem. The fact that he has been doing this for 13 years and that he was bold enough to contact you and show up at your place means he is unlikely to be deterred by any actions you can take. It seems like you really care for this girl and the situation sucks but unless you are madly in love with her and really intend for this to be a long term relationship it does not seem worth it to deal with a long term threat.

Whatever you decide, stay safe.

-Jake

[swede123]

Joe, just say the word and Patrick, myself and the rest of the Denver crew will show this guy what's up. Oh wait, we're giant pussies, the whole bunch of us...

Seriously though, if she seems like "the one" you definitely ought to have her moved/move yourself and follow through with the restraining order.

If you don't feel she's worth all that hassle just release this one before it gets really messy.

Swede

[PierceAndPierce]

Asian people are so crazy.