Poker & Your Girlfriend

[99Machine]

(Inspired by a friend's problem with his girlfriend, and my own experiences with mine, I've written this entry for my recently started blog on Facebook. Please enjoy.)

Poker & Your Girlfriend
By N. Eilamurugan

Anyone who plays a lot of poker, be it as a job or as a occasional hobby and is *ahem*...lucky enough to have a girlfriend, know that there is a bit of drama that goes with it.

If you are truly fortunate enough to have a girlfriend who accepts the game as your main source of entertainment and/or income and maybe even partakes in it once in a while without bitching, then this isn't for you. This is for you poor suckers who end up with that dreaded feeling of choosing poker over your girlfriend or just life in general when you're heading to a game. That is a horrible feeling, and no one should have to feel that way.

There are usually two different reasons for this problem. Either your special someone feels that you don't spend enough time with her, or she strongly believes that gambling is something evil and destructive. First one is easy. If your problem is the later, you have something else coming, buddy.

Your Girlfriend Thinks You Don't Spend Enough Time With Her

This is an easy problem to fix. Easiest answer to this is, spend time with your girlfriend! That doesn't help? Then you need to grow some balls and let her know that this is your hobby, and this is what you enjoy doing. Like she likes karaoke and reading sleazy romance novels, you like playing poker. If you play poker for an income, then you need to emphasize that it's a job, and not just something you do for fun.

After doing this, it would help you a great deal if you never mentioned poker to her when hanging out. Don't brag about how you check-raised the fish on all three streets with just top pair and medium kicker, and the fish showed down top pair with a weaker kicker...Don't brag about how you value bet K high on the river and got called down by Q high...Just...Don't do it. She really doesn't care. If she doesn't play much poker and she isn't the biggest supporter of your gambling career, then she really doesn't want to hear this over lunch. Even if she acts like she does.

It might even be a good idea to take her to a game once in a while and play socially. If you play for a living, then you can take her to a smaller game and just have fun with her. But beware...Do not EVER make the mistake of trying to coach her at the table. If she flops the nut straight and folds it to a bet because it just didn't feel right...DO NOT yell at her. If she goes 16 bets on the river with just a set of sevens against the nut flush, never ever speak of it. All you should do is smile and say, “Hey, that's a nice hand.” The most you can do is buy her a poker book and hopes she reads it. Don't try to pressure her into reading it either, 'cause she won't. If you do coach her, do it in private, and only if she asks you to.

Your Girlfriend Thinks Gambling Is Evil and Destructive

Oh...Boy.

Believe it or not, this is the case for a LOT of the guys I play with regularly. And it's mostly an Asian problem. A lot of Asians, regardless of gender, come from families with very strong beliefs on gambling. Most of us so called professional poker players know deep down that their beliefs aren't completely falsified. Gambling is destructive, and depending on how you feel about that sort of thing, even when it's not self-destructive, it's destructive to others and that may or may not be evil. Most of us know this and accept it. But if your girlfriend said this, you have to defend your position whole heartedly.

If you're a recreational player, then your excuse is that everyone that plays can afford the money they loose. Loosing 200 bucks a night is no big deal because you're likely to spend that much on a night out with your friends. It's the exact same thing. You paid 200 dollars for entertainment. If you won, then even better. Your opponents paid for their entertainment, you profited.

If you are a professional poker player, then it's a little bit harder. Because often times, you ARE taking money from those who can't afford to loose it, and you might even BE one of those people. Whether you take their money or not, those people will always exist. That's who casinos are built for in the first place. If you don't take their money, someone else will, there is nothing you can do for these people.

What if she thinks a professional poker player is worthless to society? Then you have to tell her how wrong she is. In his book, Ace On The River, Barry Greenstein tells you that your support of the casino probably paid for the roads and the schools in the city it's in. You are responsible for the employment of many dealers and servers. And a portion of your rake or session fees at the tables go to charitable organizations.

An other very important point I would like to stress is, NEVER EVER borrow money from your girlfriend (unless she's your poker girlfriend, you lucky bastard) for poker under any circumstance if she is even slightly against gambling. You borrowing money from her will only strengthen her beliefs about gambling and how you fit her parents' description of a degenerate gambler.

If you want her to respect poker as your profession/hobby, the most important thing is for you to respect poker as your profession/hobby. Regardless of which category you fall in, there are things you can do to help yourself and your image. Don't play long hours, don't play games you can't afford. Don't excessively talk about poker with your girlfriend. Keep poker at the table, and leave it there, don't take it to your girlfriend. If you have other things to do first, do that before you play poker. But all these should be obvious..*cough*...Right guys?

[KaponoFor3]

I'm not in this situation, but just wanted to say it was a good post. Well written.

[nanamar05]

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After doing this, it would help you a great deal if you never mentioned poker to her when hanging out. Don't brag about how you check-raised the fish on all three streets with just top pair and medium kicker, and the fish showed down top pair with a weaker kicker...Don't brag about how you value bet K high on the river and got called down by Q high...Just...Don't do it. She really doesn't care. If she doesn't play much poker and she isn't the biggest supporter of your gambling career, then she really doesn't want to hear this over lunch. Even if she acts like she does.


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HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!! That is so true. I do it all the time and talk about my bad beats to her. I know that she is acting like she really cares, but I still keep going because it better to get bad beats off my shoulders than hear her whine about her friends.

[Praxising]

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HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!! That is so true. I do it all the time and talk about my bad beats to her. I know that she is acting like she really cares, but I still keep going because it better to get bad beats off my shoulders than hear her whine about her friends.

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So let me get this straight: you bore her silly with your BS and she is as interested as she can manage but when she wants to talk about what's important to her to you, well, you just ain't listening? Even enough to pretend to be interested like she does?

Reminds me of the guy on Full Contact who bought his GF a case of Phil Hellmuth's energy drink for their THREE YEAR anniversary. He figured if she didn't like it, he could drink it. He wondered why she pitched a fit.

It's a wonder you guys ever get laid.

Look - if you have something in your life that is really important, golf or poker or comic books - running for one guy I know, if you have to keep it from her or not talk about it, what you need is a DIFFERENT GF - one who gets it. And you only deserve that, if you make the effort to get her in return. If you don't WANT, all by your lonesome, to be with her enough to sustain a relationship, you need a NEW GF.

If you're just acting a certain way to keep her around to haul your ashes and wash your underoos - makes her a poorly-paid hooker. And if she accepts that deal - you're just another john.

[Michael Davis]

Guys who have problems with their girlfriends over poker are huge pussies. End of story.

-Michael

[Humble Pie]

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Guys who quit poker and relocate because of their girlfriends over poker are huge pussies. End of story.


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[oddsock]

My g/f almost certainly thinks i spend too much time playing poker but then I didnt ask her to move in with me and to be brutally honest, it's only the poker which allows me to put up with her.

[teacher66]

Im married for 8 years, i started playing poker about 1 year ago after watching poker on ESPN. I have spent alot of time reading poker books and playing tournaments. My wife hates it even though i am profitable. I coach my son in baseball and hockey and most of my playing time is Late at night or on weekends. My wife is a math professor and i can fully explain all of the edges she would have in a game if she chose to play. It does not matter. My friend had the same problem with his Fiance, after she went at him on a 15 minute rant about his playing poker and that if he didnt quit she would leave him. His reply was "are you done? I have a tournament starting in 15 minutes." The reason that women dont want us playing is they do not have control. Beware!! they want to control you.

[sputum]

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My g/f almost certainly thinks i spend too much time playing poker but then I didnt ask her to move in with me and to be brutally honest, it's only the poker which allows me to put up with her.

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[img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

[oddsock]

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My g/f almost certainly thinks i spend too much time playing poker but then I didnt ask her to move in with me and to be brutally honest, it's only the poker which allows me to put up with her.

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[img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

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my g/f is a clinical depressive who used emotional blackmail to move in with me when i wasn't prepared for it. this basically ended my 15-year career in an excellent job as an I.T. consultant that travelled Europe. whether i couldnt do the job because of her neediness or whether i just couldnt be bothered anymore because of pathetic situation i got myself into would be up for psychological debate. what i'm saying is that if i didnt have the outlet of poker i would probably have long been found up some alleyway with a needle in my arm.

hows that for brutal honesty among poker players?

the irony of this is that i actually make a reasonable living out of poker - it pays my bills, and i enjoy it.