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Old 08-07-2006, 02:35 PM
HIV HIV is offline
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Default I am tapped

Well, I am officially done, folks, at the age of 18.

About 6 months ago....was it really just 6 months ago? I was broke. I had no money and owed my parents $1,000. I had hit my low point, or so I thought. Somehow I scraped up a couple hundred dollars playing live poker with my friends and deposited into pokerstars. I lost most of it, and was on my last 40$, depression started to set in deeply, like it has in my past.

However, then, a breakthrough. I final tabled one of the new 20$/180 tourneys, and cashed for 300$. Then, I went on a heater like you wouldn't believe.

I started at 5/10, where I ran well. I eventually got to multi tabling, 4 tables, and just killing. Moved up to 10/20, got my ass beat down, moved back to 5/10, built up a roll and moved up to 10/20 for good, or so I thought.

Anyways, after a month of this, I cashed out 5K, left myself with a couple hundred to rebuild with, lost that, deposited another 1K or so, built it up and made another couple thousand or so, my memory is kind of fuzzy but I know at some point I went broke on stars, and deposited into BoDog.

What a fishfest boodg was. I started with a 500$ deposit and luckily ran good at the 20/40 tables. Ran it up to a couple thousand, started playing 30/60 there, found it incredibly easy, ran it up to around 10K or so. Cashed some of it out, had over a 5 digit bankroll and was feeling as good as I ever did. Left some of it in and continued to win, went up to Turning Stone with $4K in my pocket, came back from that with $5K so it was a winning trip. Played some more online and continued to do well.

At some point in this fishfest, I got sick of bodogs horrendous software and equally horrendous players. I put another $750 on stars and sat 30/60. I ran good so I didn't go broke, and ended up building that 750 into around $12K during an insanely good rush. I then emailed stars and asked for access to the 100/200 tables. I didn't know it at the time, but this would be the start of my even more horrendous downswing.

After getting access to 100/200, I quickly sat down and had a -$2K losing session at a full table. However, I kept trying, and sat at a shorthanded table where I quickly and efficiently busted 2 people for $4K each. This gave me such a natural high that I didn't know what to do. I now had a bankroll of around $40K and ended up cashing all 40K of it out. It was at this time the school year ended and I went home.

My parents did not know about my success, and it took me about a week before I spilled the beans to them. I told them about the money and they said they didn't care what I did as long as I paid them back and paid for my own tuition. I said fine, and was free to play poker all summer.

I played on bodog again for about 2 weeks, where I hit the 60K point for the first time in my life. However, I then went on the first prolonged downswing of my young career. I ended up losing all the 20K profit on bodog and losing another about 7K back. So my BR was 33K, and with that, I embarked on a mission to Turning Stone, with $10K in cash in my pocket, determined to break the limit games there.

Turning Stone was a success at first. I met a lot of cool kids who were huge ballers online, like empire, zappy, ozzy. I chilled with them and felt like I was THERE, I was one of the top young players in the world, and it would be no time before I went pro. I was up $7K in the limit games and felt like I was unstoppable.

Then came the worst day of my poker career. Turning Stone spread 100/200 for the first time ever, and I sat 3-handed as the game began. I quickly ran over the old guys at the table with me, but then the table actually filled up, which I wasn't expecting. I was never strong at full table, and some bad beats quickly put me on tilt, and I began playing every hand trying to get back to my 17K peak. I had sat with all the money I had on me at the time, and within 12 hours of playing this game, I didn't have a cent in front of me. I had been cleaned out by what I had viewed as inferior players. I was so pissed and depressed, and immediately left the casino.

When I got home, I was resolved to making the money that I had lost back. I jumped onto stars and started killing their 30/60 games again. Within a couple of weeks I had hit 40K again. Within another few days, I hit 60K. I was playing 100/200 often when I was around this mark, and this was where the WORST day of my poker career and my life was to happen.

I sat with a player called "lily420" heads up at 100/200, and absolutely destroyed her. She came back several hours later and I was waiting for another match. However, her play seemed, different to me, much much more aggressive, and I had trouble adjusting. It turns out that earlier I had been playing Mrs. Grinder, and now I was playing the actual Grinder. Well, he ran incredibly hot over a 24 hour heads up battle, and I went on tilt at one point and ended up losing every penny in my account, over 36K. I sunk into a deep depression and started depositing on other sites, trying to get back what I had lost.

I ran 1500 on absolute up to over 10K in the soft 40/80 games, but ended up losing it all at a tilt-filled session with mark seif and jennicide at 75/150, then lost another 5K that I deposited from neteller

I ran 2500 up to 16K at one point playing MINIVAN666 heads up on UB, but ended up losing it all plus another 2500.

I ran 600 on full tilt up to 9K playing 10/25 NL against drunk people on a saturday night, then sat the biggest game I ever played, 200/400 vs Tiger and lost it all within less than 15 minutes. This was the quickest I had ever lost so much money and I was very depressed.

So I had like 10K left in my roll, and resolved, once again, to build it back. I put it all back on bodog, my fave site to win at, and ended up building it back to around 25K. I put some of it on stars and built it up again to like 30K total bankroll. Then I had a rough night multi tabling 30/60, and lost about 6K in an hour. I then sat 100/200 and proceeded to not win a hand in 20 minutes, and lost 9K very very fast. I then stopped playing for the day, but the damage was done, and I would never again have over 15K to my name.

I took the 10K I had left after the tilt filled session, and moved down to 10/20, sporadically taking shots at 30/60. Whenever I would take shots at 30/60, I would invariably lose, and I would lose more and more each time. I finally got my bankroll down to 600 at one point, and got pissed at myself and said, JUST WIN. Which I did, I played 10/20 and built that 600 into just over 13K. However, then I played 30/60 again, and lost 8K, played 10/20 but found it boring, and continued to play 30/60 until I was completely broke.

I then got a stake from a friend, 1K, built it up in small games, paid him back, lost what I had left, got the stake again, worked it up again, paid him back again, lost it all again, got a stake again, lost it this time, but then my friend and I swapped 5% in the sunday mill tourney and he won it.

Now at this point, he sent me 9K, and I was set, because tuition + housing for college for me was just over 7K, and I had it. So I cashed out what I needed and played with the rest. I paid for my tuition but left my housing money in my bank account.

I got my roll from the 1500 I left on there up to 10K. However, then the downswing reared its ugly head again. I lost the 10K so fast I didn't even know what happened. I didn't want to play with my housing money but I had left 500 in there to pay for books and stuff so I deposited that. I lost it, and then said [censored] it and deposited 3K. Lost it, said [censored] it [censored] it [censored] it, and deposited the rest of my bank account into bodog, where I quickly lost it. I only thank god I had already paid for my tuition or I'm sure I would have lost that money as well. The next day I asked my friend for a 2K stake, which I played 30/60 omaha hi/lo with, god knows why, and lost that too.

Yesterday I played the stars and bodog sunday tourneys as a last gasp chance. I lost the stars but cashed in the bodog for $550, which I quickly lost to 3 3-outers in a row in the 20/40 game. So, now I am completely broke, I have 200$ in the bank and $10 in my wallet. I owe $2K to my friend and I don't quite know how to tell my parents and my girlfriend, who will be devastated.

I have thought a lot about this, and it seems my only choice is to get a job, live at home for the semester and commute to school, and completely stay away from poker, perhaps forever. I really like the game but right now I am just sick of it. I have to completely isolate myself from it and that means not contacting a few friends that I am very good friends with, and I will miss that.

However, I really don't have a choice, because I want to graduate from college. I feel that if I get great grades this semester and prove that I have turned things around, my parents will be willing to pay for my tuition for the rest of college, but who knows.

So, goodbye 2+2 forums, I will be removing you from my bookmarks...I will not be watching poker on TV, I will not be talking about poker with my friends, and I will not be playing.

I guess the hardest part about all this is that I now feel that all that time, all those hundreds of thousands of hands I played, all those thousands of hours I spent at the tables, are all now a waste. I really thought I could go pro, but I just don't have the emotional stability required.

Hopefully someone might see this and recognize some warning signs for themself and learn something from this.

Regards,
Jon (iamhiv)
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  #2  
Old 08-07-2006, 04:01 PM
PokerAce PokerAce is offline
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Default Re: I am tapped

[ QUOTE ]
my only choice is to get a job, live at home for the semester and commute to school, and completely stay away from poker forever

[/ QUOTE ]

FYP.

You have no concept of bankroll management and it sounds like you have way too much gamble in you. Be thankful you started off on a lucky streak or you could be in much worse shape. You might be a winning player, but with your lack of discipline, it's unlikely you could ever find out. You should do yourself a favor and stay away from poker and gambling.
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  #3  
Old 08-07-2006, 04:07 PM
Usagi_yo Usagi_yo is offline
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Default Re: I am tapped

"Rush .... tilt .... broke ..... heater .... rush .... tilt .... broke ... rush .... tilt .... rush .... more tilt .... broke .... broke ..."

I think we've identified the problem here. You'll be okay. 5 years of broke will teach you respect and constraint. Your problem now is you've lived 30 years in what ... 3 months? Put yourself on a realistic recovery plan that takes into consideration that year over year, expect to profit 2BB per 50 hands.
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  #4  
Old 08-07-2006, 04:35 PM
JCCARL JCCARL is offline
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Default Re: I am tapped

When you get things worked out and decide to play again, poker will always be there. Start out slower, use some good judgment and learn some BR management skills before you fall into the same cycle. It seems as though you were playing way over your roll. But you probably already knew this.
Regards,
Carl
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  #5  
Old 08-07-2006, 04:41 PM
Full Metal Full Metal is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,099
Default Re: I am tapped

Greed and no constraint. You had more than enough money for your tuition and probably everything you could possibly do at 18 but you blow it all playing over your head. I see no real skill here. You're up and down and don't seem very consistent. I think you should quit poker and quit 2+2. Get some help.
So many people here seem to want to maintain this baller image rather than satisfying their real priorities in life. Now you're left broke with broken promises to your parents and your friends.

edit: I don't know why I come off as such an [censored] in this post. Best of luck to you. In the long run all of this is meaningless as long as you can learn your lesson. Don't rely on poker and don't even consider going pro. Go to school, get an education and get a real job.
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  #6  
Old 08-07-2006, 05:02 PM
Assani Fisher Assani Fisher is offline
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Default Re: I am tapped

See my bankroll management thread in the high stakes PL/NL forum. They convinced me to play within my bankroll, and I'm on a quest right now to try to learn it as I detail near the end of that thread. Sounds like you could use something similar.
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  #7  
Old 08-07-2006, 05:25 PM
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Default Re: I am tapped

Wow.

This is why adolescents shouldn't play poker. Self control and emotional stability are sorely lacking.

I count adolescent as anyone under about 25. There are exceptions of course, but poker is just a terrible thing to do to a person still trying to achive emotional maturity.
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  #8  
Old 08-07-2006, 05:44 PM
cts cts is offline
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Default Re: I am tapped

[ QUOTE ]
I am a degenerate

[/ QUOTE ]
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  #9  
Old 08-07-2006, 06:19 PM
klonpucko klonpucko is offline
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Default Re: I am tapped

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I'M, RICH BITCH

[/ QUOTE ]

[/ QUOTE ]
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  #10  
Old 08-07-2006, 06:26 PM
Reef Reef is offline
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Default Re: I am tapped

ok, see you at the tables next week.


But seriously- gl with quitting.
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