d10 makes a thread about a girl

[d10]

This is probably tl;dr, so cliff notes are in parenthesis preceding each paragraph, although you'll have to read it all for the subtle details.

(This first paragraph has little relevance with my situation, skip if you want) Sorry guys I know how much we all hate these, and I feel pretty lame for posting it. Although I hate to admit it, I've learned a lot from these types of threads that others have posted, so hopefully I won't be the only one who benefits from this one. Ironically, although I think it's safe to say the % of social retards is much higher in this forum than average, I trust this forum more than any other on the subject. I'll offer one picture of the girl in question, along with my request for no trainwrecks please, as a thanks in advance.


Girl on right, she likes editing photos in MSPaint, so she's obviously cool as well as pretty hot.

Background info:

(Started talking a week ago, things go well, get a date on Saturday) Anyways I started talking to this girl about a week ago. We hit it off really well and she's clearly interested, she made it clear quite a few times that she wanted to get together, so we set up a date for Saturday. She asked me to also come see her at some bar or restaurant or something (don't really know where it was) last Tuesday but it was short notice and I wasn't really comfortable with the idea so I passed on that.

(Saturday: Get dinner, go to my place for drinks/watching FOTC, sexy time, talk for about an hour or two) So I just wait for Saturday, we were going to go out to drink but those plans didn't work out, she suggested drinking at my place instead, which is ok with me. She was going to come over around 6 so I suggested we get dinner first. So we meet up for dinner, have good conversation, then come back to my place. She is a Flight of the Conchords fan, but hadn't seen the TV show at all, I guess just live performances? Fortunately I had the whole season so far recorded so we start going through those and drinking. We ran through all 6 episodes and then I make a move on her and get her into bed. We spent an hour or two afterwards just hanging out/talking/having a good time. She said she was doing something with a friend tomorrow (Sunday) but she could cancel, but I don't push her to cause I don't want to look like I'm trying to spend all day every day with her, I was just planning on calling her some time next week to get another date. Not even really planning on talking to her on Sunday. By the way, no she had no intentions of spending the night, but I'm not sure if anything can be read into that, she lives with her parents and she had to be home before they woke up.

(Sunday: She emails me saying she had a great time and implying another date, things are good) So pretty much as soon as she leaves (which is now technically early Sunday morning) she emails me this: "Thanks for not killing me! I guess you are waiting till like the third date or something huh? Very romantic! I had a good time though, you are good company. =)" The killing thing was a joke we had about meeting random people from the internet. So I end up writing back, we exchange a couple pointless messages, things are good.

(Monday: She starts acting flaky) We had talked about watching FOTC ep 7 at some point, but since she said she had plans with someone on Sunday I never pushed to watch it live. I DVR it and text msg her Monday afternoon telling her to come over to see it that night. She said her best female friend is in town so she cant, asks about tomorrow (Tuesday). I was expecting to work late, but she said she can stay out until 2am so I say sure, we can do it at like 11pm. She writes back and says she might not be able to make it cause her friend usually stays over for more than one night but she might stay with her bf on tuesday night so maybe. It sounded like BS so I just told her to msg me when she found out, otherwise I'll catch her some other time. Somehow I didn't expect to get a message by tonight and I didn't ever get one.

(Tuesday: Find out she started seeing another guy about a week before she had seen me, saw him again on sunday night) So on Tuesday I find out she's been seeing another guy. Started seeing him about a week before she saw me, got together at least 2-3 times during the last week for Starbucks/watching movies/general hanging out. Turns out this was the same guy she was seeing on Sunday.

My thoughts:

I'm not upset about the other guy, maybe a little bit of jealously, but I wouldn't expect her to tell me about him. And I don't think there's anything wrong with seeing two guys if she's not in a relationship with either one. I understand it's not my business, although if she's getting serious with him I'd like to know so I'm not wasting my time. By Sunday afternoon it was clearly not very serious between them, but I don't know what happened on Sunday night, and I'm assuming that's the reason she got flaky yesterday. But I had a good time with this girl, she also had a good time, and I'd like to get another date with her. Unless this guy is absolutely amazing, I think she would prefer dating me over him (not trying to be cocky, just that this girl has one of those weird personalities that normal people don't appreciate, but I seem to handle well. Not to mention she was considering canceling with him on Sunday to see me instead.). I think I may be a couple days too late though. FWIW, I would be interested in a serious relationship with this girl, not just a booty call.

My questions

So, OOT, what's the play here? Keeping in mind I talked to her a little bit on Monday and was getting bad vibes, didn't talk to her at all today, when should I make my next play? Text/email/call? I'm not 100% sure that she would answer a phone call at this point. Do I let her know that I know about the other guy? Or should I let her know I know there's another guy involved but maybe I don't know the specifics that I do? Yeah, these are the main questions I'm trying to figure out. Any other advice also appreciated.

[gumpzilla]

[ QUOTE ]
Do I let her know that I know about the other guy? Or should I let her know I know there's another guy involved but maybe I don't know the specifics that I do? Yeah, these are the main questions I'm trying to figure out. Any other advice also appreciated.

[/ QUOTE ]

I'm a terrible person to talk to about the timing stuff, as I don't have much experience with those games. However, I can say that I see nothing good that will come of you telling her you know about the other guy. This will likely force her into a posture where she's either super defensive or feels like you're putting her to a decision, and given the state of things you'll probably not like the resulting outcomes. If the other guy really isn't bothering you for now, let it slide and see how things go. If they trail off naturally, so be it.

[highlife]

she hit and quit? nice.

[RoundersQuote]

You don't hear much about guys who take their shot and miss.

[slickpoppa]

Whatever you do, definitely don't tell her you know about the other guy.


Anyway, from my read of this girl, she possibly sounds like trouble. If I were you I would not contact her until next Sunday. If she's really in to you, she'll contact you before then. But if she's gonna be flaky cause she's banging some other guy, don't buy into her attention whore crap. Each time you suggest that you meet up her and she blows you off for some other guy, you die a little bit on the inside.

[d10]

gumpzilla, thanks for the advice. The guy isn't bothering me emotionally, but he is an obstacle I have to deal with. The thing is I would hate to be in a situation where she prefers me, but since this guy may have been first to push for a more serious relationship, she settles for him. I feel like I need to make it clear I'm interested in seeing her more and maybe getting more serious. For some reason I was thinking I needed to make it clear that I would be better than this other dude she's seeing, not sure why, not even sure if my whole line of reasoning here makes sense, it may be a bad idea altogether.

[NT!]

d10, i kinda skimmed it, but i agree, don't say anything about the other guy.

sounds like you are exchanging a lot of messages with her, initiating a lot of contact etc. a chick who is seeing multiple dudes, probably seeking attention etc, is going to feel smothered eventually. i hate all this lame PUA crap where you are mean to girls and don't call them for x number of days and play stupid games and stuff, but i would suggest that if you are interested in this chick you may have to step back a little bit from her.

also it sounds like you want a relationship with this girl and she wants to play the field a little bit. don't go in with unreasonable expectations. you may not be able to get what you want from this girl, don't make life hard on yourself trying too hard to get it.

[slickpoppa]

[ QUOTE ]
gumpzilla, thanks for the advice. The guy isn't bothering me emotionally, but he is an obstacle I have to deal with. The thing is I would hate to be in a situation where she prefers me, but since this guy may have been first to push for a more serious relationship, she settles for him. I feel like I need to make it clear I'm interested in seeing her more and maybe getting more serious. For some reason I was thinking I needed to make it clear that I would be better than this other dude she's seeing, not sure why, not even sure if my whole line of reasoning here makes sense, it may be a bad idea altogether.

[/ QUOTE ]

NONONONONONO!!! That is the wrong way to approach it. I've made the exact same mistake in the past. Any girl who is hooking up with different guys on consecutive nights is not looking for the guy who's pushing for a serious relationship after one date. In fact, she's looking for the exact opposite. She's looking for the guy who kinda doesn't really care about her. If this chick ends up choosing the other guy, I guarantee you it will not be because you didn't push hard enough. It's already obvious that you are interested in her. You just have to prove to her that you've got other [censored] going on and could bang other girls who are hotter than her if you wanted to.

[highlife]

[ QUOTE ]
gumpzilla, thanks for the advice. The guy isn't bothering me emotionally, but he is an obstacle I have to deal with. The thing is I would hate to be in a situation where she prefers me, but since this guy may have been first to push for a more serious relationship, she settles for him. I feel like I need to make it clear I'm interested in seeing her more and maybe getting more serious. For some reason I was thinking I needed to make it clear that I would be better than this other dude she's seeing, not sure why, not even sure if my whole line of reasoning here makes sense, it may be a bad idea altogether.

[/ QUOTE ]

how can you seriously care about a girl you met on the internet and [censored] on the first date, who is now [censored] another dude already?

[d10]

[ QUOTE ]
how can you seriously care about a girl you met on the internet and [censored] on the first date, who is now [censored] another dude already?

[/ QUOTE ]

Because it was an enjoyable date, we both had a good time, and I'm not talking about the [censored] part