Having kids, pros and cons?

revots33 · #1 06-21-2007, 03:39 PM

First off let me say that this is not an "anti-kid" post. I've got 10 nieces and nephews, and I love them all. And I love kids in general.

But as far as actually becoming parents ourselves, my wife and I are a lot more ambivalent. We both make decent, but not great, money. Financially we are comfortable, but things would definitely be tight with the addition of 1 or more kids. We have a very happy marriage, we like to travel and go out to eat, etc. Neither of us currently feels like anything is "missing". I suppose that could change in time, though. Maybe eventually we'll get bored of just being around each other all the time, who knows. Personality-wise I'm probably not the best candidate for kids. I tend to like things calm and quiet. And I also like things neat. Don't get me wrong, I love to play sports and roughhouse with my nephews when I visit - but at the end of the day I enjoy returning to my calm quiet house.

So, at this point I doubt my wife and I will have kids (we are still young enough to change our minds I guess, but the clock is ticking so to speak.) Anyway, all this got me thinking about having kids in general.

It's obviously "expected" for married couples to have kids. So I'm wondering if there are any 2+2ers who could share their honest feelings about parenthood. Has anyone had kids and regretted it? Or not had kids and regretted it? I'm interested in REAL HONEST opinions about the joys/difficulties of parenthood... not just the Hallmark stuff. Was parenthood easier/more difficult than you expected? Did you like/dislike being a parent more than you thought you would? Did your relationship with your spouse change for the better/worse after kids? Etc....

Apologies for the sort of rambling post. And no, this is not an attempt to convince myself why I should/Shouldn't have kids. As I mentioned our minds are pretty much made up. I'm just interested to hear others' thoughts in this topic.

samjjones · #2 06-21-2007, 03:57 PM

I certainly thought I would want kids some day, but my wife was ready now and I wasn't (I was 31, she was 30). I was kinda in the same situation as you, I was happy where we were at, there were still some things that I wanted to do that people without kids can't, etc. I relented, because I want my wife to be happy, but really wasn't looking forward to it that much.

Having our son is without a doubt the best thing that's ever happened to me. Its really hard to describe to somebody who isn't a parent, but there's basically this immediate realization that your life is no longer the most important thing to you (I probably should have felt this way when I got married, but...whatever.)

Bostaevski · #3 06-21-2007, 03:58 PM

People who are pro-kid would tell you things like:
"Kids are the best thing that ever happened to me"
"It will change your life forever"
etc, etc

If you're like me, you'll think you understand what they mean but believe me - until you actually have kids - you don't.

Now - that being said, having a daughter (2 1/2 years old now) has been the most amazing, awesome, joyous experience of my life.

I say go for it. Plus, how else will you know if your wang works?

TheDudeAbides · #4 06-21-2007, 03:59 PM

[ QUOTE ]
People who are pro-kid would tell you things like:
"Kids are the best thing that ever happened to me"
"It will change your life forever"
etc, etc

If you're like me, you'll think you understand what they mean but believe me - until you actually have kids - you don't.

Now - that being said, having a daughter (2 1/2 years old now) has been the most amazing, awesome, joyous experience of my life.

I say go for it. Plus, how else will you know if your wang works?

[/ QUOTE ]

What he said.

DrewDevil · #5 06-21-2007, 04:00 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Having our son is without a doubt the best thing that's ever happened to me.

[/ QUOTE ]

I feel the same way.

You can't do a financial analysis on this one, because it will never "make sense financially" to have a child. What you lose in cash you get back in joy, tenfold.

That sounds sappy but it's true.

LondonBroil · #6 06-21-2007, 04:02 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Having our son is without a doubt the best thing that's ever happened to me.

[/ QUOTE ]

I feel the same way.

You can't do a financial analysis on this one, because it will never "make sense financially" to have a child. What you lose in cash you get back in joy, tenfold.

That sounds sappy but it's true.

[/ QUOTE ]

With college tuition costs rising faster than inflation, having children sooner rather than later seems to make financial sense, no? [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

dcasper70 · #7 06-21-2007, 04:06 PM

I had a post...

[ QUOTE ]
After serious discussions with my wife, we realized that of our two chices, there is no way we'd regret one of them.

[/ QUOTE ]
It worked out ok...

OP, this is a big decision, a very personal one. Good luck.

Banks2334 · #8 06-21-2007, 04:07 PM

Since you are both ambivalent to having kids, maybe you shouldn't be having any. Don't fall for pressure from friends and family if you really don't want to. Its your lives and you should be doing what makes the two of you happiest.

TxSteve · #9 06-21-2007, 04:15 PM

i'm 36 and have some of the same qualities you mention. i like things neat and tidy...i also always enjoyed the freedom to do whatever i wanted; whenever i wanted.

my daughter is now 2 years old. it was an extremely difficult adjustment for me the first year or so. having nearly every minute of my day planned around every minute of my daughter's day (and wife's).

in the last year or so; after i finally accepted that things were changing...things have been pretty awesome.

having a child doesn't just change your life...it completely demolishes and re-writes it

i can't possibly see regretting it; no matter what happens in the future

StevieG · #10 06-21-2007, 04:17 PM

I agree with DrewDevil on the finances - you can always feel nervous about that, so don't worry about it.

The free time is a little different, though. Especially in the first year, and especially if you don't have parents nearby to come and sit with grandkids so you get a night out.

So you may want to start taking advantage and going to all the restaurants and little trips that you have been meaning to get around to, before you have to start thinking about kid friendly options and babysitting needs.