A unique "fear" of playing

[AMT]

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i am seriously amazed at how accurately OP's current approach to poker reflects my own.

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Me too, it's really uncanny. Especially OP's third post, where he discusses the need to confirm to others that he is indeed successful, but never quite lives up to his own standards for success. Even though I currently 'do better' than most of my friends, this description fits me perfectly.

I also have the same irrational fear of going broke. I grind STTs for a living and currently have 200 BIs in my BR. my fear of going broke is so intense that I don't think i could operate on anything less than 200 BIs. How retarded is that?

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Perfectly understandable for STTs [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[PokerG]

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For some reason though, when i was in Vegas recently and played live a lot, i didn't have that fear...

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while i'm lucky to play 500 hands online a day, i don't have a problem playing 8-12 hour sessions live! it's absolutely bizarre and depressing. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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Playing live is so diferent than playing online. Live is a social experience that you can feel and see and touch. There's a table and chips, real people, cocktail waitresses [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]. Live is sterile and cold and technical. I have a computer repair shop and work on computers all day. I prefer live play.

My problem is that I do better in games that don't mean much (I play in a free bar league, and win many tournaments and gain lots of points during the quarter.) But when it comes to the finals I play way to tight. When I play in cash games my fear of losing money makes me play way too tight, but when I get short stacked and loosen up I start winning again. I think the answer is to have fun where ever you play and don't take the games so seriously. All we can do is play our best and accept the results. Fun is the ultimate goal. The money will follow. I'll let you know how self diagnosis turns out. [img]/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

ps. I'm glad I found this forum. Just starting to explore the psychological part of my game. Very interesting! [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Conte]

This is cool, I thought I was the only one.

[PokeReader]

People expect that success will make everything perfect, but when you are successful, especially in a competitive endeavor, you become more worried about failing than you were before success. You now have something to lose.

I would suggest to treat poker like a job, in every way possible. Create a regime you go through when you go to play, and only do it when you play. Play a required number of hours in a week and a month. Do everything possible to investigate where the best games are, and know your competition. Learn anything about poker you can, shore up your weakness whatever they are and exploit your strengths, and find a groups of talented poker friends to talk them over with all the time. Tell yourself, I am a great player, I am working harder than anyone else, I deserve to win. Just force yourself to play, do not allow it to be a decision each time because you will wear yourself out. If you can just make some kind of schedule for yourself, and argue yourself into agreeing to follow it, then if you can manage it for two weeks it will have formed a habit, and you will no longer be really thinking about whether you should play or not.

I have some of the problems here, I tend to stay rather over bankrolled, but don't obsess about day to day variance. I really dislike losing, am insanely competitive, and this can influence me wait longer to mimize bankroll risk, when I see others shot-taking and sometimes winning that way. Everyone has to plan for their own tendencies with poker, it just touches on too many aspects of your personality, (this includes making allowances for our failings).