Let's Talk About Family

[ChipWrecked]

No, I'm pretty sure I'm one of the few who have never hated on you.

I'll admit to finding some of your posts tl;dr though. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[katyseagull]

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I have an ex-wife that's absolutely batshit nuts outside of being a mother. That she's halfway good at, but in every other respect she's crazy.

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Ok I've always wondered how this happens. I don't mean any disrespect truly. But how do you manage to marry a batshit nuts woman? Did she not reveal herself early on? Did she turn this way from hormones after she had kids? Don't take this as me giving you a hard time, I'm just trying to figure out men. How do so many men end up marrying crazy bitchy women? I mean are they sweet when they start out or were there ominous signs? [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] (And if we were to get her take on it would she say you were batshit crazy too?)

[Taso]

He said "ABSOLUTELY batshit nuts"

All women are nuts, some turn out to be absolutely nuts after they get married.

jk of course katy.

[Fishwhenican]

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I have an ex-wife that's absolutely batshit nuts outside of being a mother. That she's halfway good at, but in every other respect she's crazy.

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Ok I've always wondered how this happens. I don't mean any disrespect truly. But how do you manage to marry a batshit nuts woman? Did she not reveal herself early on? Did she turn this way from hormones after she had kids? Don't take this as me giving you a hard time, I'm just trying to figure out men. How do so many men end up marrying crazy bitchy women? I mean are they sweet when they start out or were there ominous signs? [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] (And if we were to get her take on it would she say you were batshit crazy too?)

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I think I can take a run at an answer since I am one of those with am Ex-Wife we refer to as "The Bitch From Hell"!

When I first met her I was 20 or 21 and had moved from Ohio to Wisconsin with the goal of getting my act together, spunging off of Mom and Dad and getting back into school. Problem was twofold.
One was I was just miserable after leaving a pretty serious girlfriend back in Ohio. I actually laid in plans to move back to go to school and be closer to her. I went back to Ohio and got a place to live lined up enrolled in school had financial aid all worked out and a job lined up. Then this gal breaks up with me. Just crushed me. I turned around and left Ohio that day even though I had everything lined up to stay. Went back to WI and that is when problem number two cropped up. I was now used to living away from home on my own and just couldn't stand being at home with my parents, well my mom in particular. I spend a lot of time miserable, depressed, drinking a lot and just working my ass off.

So, I meet this girl and she seems nice enough. Lives on a farm with really nice parents (who I actually get along with really well still to this day). She is into me and she has sex with me and after being so lonely and miserable she was like a lifeline back to sanity. Only problem was I didn't see that she was a dumbass dullard with a chip on her shoulder. We get married and I think everything is great. I am working we have a kid and things seem OK but I start to notice she is way more worried about herself and "things" than me or our son. I think the thing that finally opened my eyes was a car wreck we were in together. We were coming back from a dance and hit a patch of Black Ice and slid through a "T" intersection, going through a barbed-wire fence and hitting a tree. We were not going all that fast but it still hit the tree fairly hard. My first though and statement is to see if she is all right and the first, and only, thing she does is start yelling my about wrecking her car!

After this the light kind of went off over my head and I started to see what a nut case she really was. We end up divorced and things never got any better after that. I might have to post some of the stories about her they are good ones!

Anyway, I think a lot of guys are blinded by a woman that they are "in Love" with. Especially if you throw in a woman who will actually sleep with him and he loses all rational thought. Kind of like lust or love goggles if you will.

That's my take on it.

[SoloAJ]

Fish, I don't know if this is for this particular thread but I'm really confused on an Ohio/Wisky guy turned up in SE Montana.

Also, how soon after the start of the relationship was the wedding? It seems to me likely that if you had somehow waited longer you might have found out before marriage she was nuts. Then again, love can pretty much blind you for an indefinite amount of time it seems like.

That car story is really weird. I have a feeling that a situation like that would be telling of a lot of relationships with a selfish partner. I'm definitely glad that you found yourself out of that relationship and into a good one now and everything.

Chip,

The one thing I'm not getting from your story is the resentment of your family necessarily. It sounds like your wife "remolding" you was a good thing at that point in your life, no? Was it a case where even though it was a good thing your family was thinking something like "we could have managed this on our own" sort of thing?

I guess I understand them being upset at the distance created, but that could be natural of a lot of relationships I would think.

[Fishwhenican]

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Fish, I don't know if this is for this particular thread but I'm really confused on an Ohio/Wisky guy turned up in SE Montana.

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LOL, I like to say it was "By Accident" To shorten up a long story I just kind of fell into a job here and we packed up everything to move to the middle of nowhere. Best thing I ever did!

[katyseagull]

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So, I meet this girl and she seems nice enough. Lives on a farm with really nice parents (who I actually get along with really well still to this day). She is into me and she has sex with me and after being so lonely and miserable she was like a lifeline back to sanity. Only problem was I didn't see that she was a dumbass dullard with a chip on her shoulder. We get married and I think everything is great. I am working we have a kid and things seem OK but I start to notice she is way more worried about herself and "things" than me or our son.

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Well I really appreciate your candidness Fish. That's what I like about 2+2ers. You guys open up. I find it very refreshing that you are honest and admit there were signs which you ignored because you were lonely and miserable. It would be great if more people were as honest as you instead of putting the blame soley on the self-centered girl. By that I don't mean that you were equally as errant, I mean that you realize you were not using sound judgment when you married her.

My dad used to call my mom "crazy". He got out of the marriage because she was "crazy". I always wanted to say to him "well jesus christ, what did you expect when you married her? Hello? Couldn't you see she had a bad temper and that she was overly critical? What part of you thought this was a good plan?" Of course I could never say that to him but I sure wanted to. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[Blarg]

I think a lot of people get married because they're lonely, scared, immature and don't recognize it, or are confused about what to do with their lives, or have low self esteem and are afraid to lose their partner, or are pregnant, or some combination of the above. Hubris, fear, or ignorance can drive one to marry as surely as love and balanced long-term thinking. Folks may never realize how screwy they are, but after a while it's easy to see how screwy someone you're with constantly is. Or maybe they just see the person through their own screwy lenses anyway?

I'm often not surprised at all to find out that a couple is divorcing, but have often been surprised that people have gotten married, who've they've picked, and sometimes how incredibly quickly the whole process has gone.

[katyseagull]

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Folks may never realize how screwy they are, but after a while it's easy to see how screwy someone you're with constantly is. Or maybe they just see the person through their own screwy lenses anyway?



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Haha, so true! I can spot a screwy person a mile away. It's quite easy to pinpoint exactly how screwy someone else is.

[ChipWrecked]

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Chip,

The one thing I'm not getting from your story is the resentment of your family necessarily. It sounds like your wife "remolding" you was a good thing at that point in your life, no? Was it a case where even though it was a good thing your family was thinking something like "we could have managed this on our own" sort of thing?

I guess I understand them being upset at the distance created, but that could be natural of a lot of relationships I would think.

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You are perceptive.

There is one other thing.

One of the times I went to jail was because she called the cops on me. I'm not going into details, sorry. It was all for the best in the long run.