Let's Talk About Family

[ChipWrecked]

When I was a kid we spent almost every Christmas at my maternal grandparents' farm in western Illinois. Our family and my mom's two sisters' families. It was [censored] great. From those days I consider my first cousins on that side close family.

Now that we're all grown and such the only times we've gotten together are at funerals (the dads are all dead now and of course the grandparents; my cousin and his wife live in their house and farm the family land which is now in a trust). We do the funeral and cry, then all get together and laugh and have a really great time. Then we feel kind of sad that we only get together anymore for funerals.

On my Dad's side, my cousins are virtual unknowns. I knew some of them as a kid; now they're just information on the internet. I have two half sisters through him whom I don't know well, though I have made some contact with the one who lives here in California since I've lived out here. She keeps her distance; I think she has some anger left over toward Dad's 'second family' and I understand. I don't press her.

I've done some research and have found quite a bit of information on my Dad's side. Other, unknown to me, members of Mom's side have researched the family tree back to the 1500's. It's amazing to ponder how many relatives one has that one knows nothing about.

My wife's side is a little more what I suppose is the typical family. They fight, they're petty, they hold grudges, a few of them are just miserable people. Oddly, they have a lot of money as well. Live in west L.A. and such.

I find it interesting in a clinical way that a person can live in a penthouse on the beach in Santa Monica and still be [censored] wretched. On a more personal level, while I get along with them OK, I don't particularly look forward to being around them. When we're down there I pretty much stay half drunk around the clock; and I'm not much of a drinker except for those times.

My mom and my sister don't care for my wife and she returns the feeling. My wife and my mom don't speak to each other unless they absolutely have to.

On the flip side, I get along with her mom as best I can but I find her the most despicable [censored] I've ever met. She's coming to town over the weekend and back to L.A. for Thanksgiving. I'm getting a head start on dreading it. She is civil to my face but word gets back to me about the huge step down she considers her daughter made marrying me. Oh well.

So, I guess for me it's a wash. My family (Mom's side): pretty tight, we like each other's company very much. Wife's family: puts the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'.

Oh yeah. My wife's parents are long divorced. I never thought about it before I got married, but when you marry someone with divorced and remarried parents, you get two sets of in-laws [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[SoloAJ]

Chip, can I ask where western IL was at? I'm always intrigued when I find 2p2ers that have history in my area.

[thirddan]

chip,

"My mom and my sister don't care for my wife and she returns the feeling. My wife and my mom don't speak to each other unless they absolutely have to. "

would you mind going into this a bit? did this begin while you were dating and was something you were aware of pre-marriage? or did it begin after the wedding because of some event?

had a situation with a long term ex that i found out pretty much nobody liked, but i didnt find out till after we had broken up...

[Fishwhenican]

[ QUOTE ]
chip,

"My mom and my sister don't care for my wife and she returns the feeling. My wife and my mom don't speak to each other unless they absolutely have to. "

would you mind going into this a bit? did this begin while you were dating and was something you were aware of pre-marriage? or did it begin after the wedding because of some event?

had a situation with a long term ex that i found out pretty much nobody liked, but i didnt find out till after we had broken up...

[/ QUOTE ]

My Wife and Mom didn't get along at all. It damn near broke us up as a matter of fact. Of course no one really got along well with my Mom since she was such a meddlesome nut case.

Do you think you would have listened if anyone in your family had told you how much they didn't like your Ex before you broke up? I ask because I didn't find out until after my first wife and I divorced how many people truly sis not like her. I remember thinking, "well, why the hell didn't you say something BEFORE I married the bitch" but then I wonder if I would have paid attention anyway. [img]/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]

[One Outer]

I post a lot in the strat forums and really only lurk in the Lounge but this is kind of big for me right now and I want to share.

I've never been close to my dad and his family at all. He has two sisters and I haven't seen them for fifteen years. Actually, that's the only time I can remember meeting them. Neither is he. He comes from a family you could call white trash in rural Michigan. He is very intelligent and highly successful and the rest of them are, well, white trash. He doesn't identify with them at all, therefore I rarely saw them and will probably never see them again. My brother and I don't like my dad. He's big time narcissistic and just a miserable person that would never admit it. His wife isn't much better, although I don't dislike my stepbrother and sister. I never see any of them either.

My mom's side is much better. We're Catholic, so I have a whole mess of aunts, uncles and cousins. I have actual relationships with some of my cousins on this side in that I see them once in a while. I don't dislike any of them except for their politics.

I have one brother. We are extremely close. We live about 45 minutes apart. I talk to him at least twice a week and see him frequently. We've always been good friends. Mostly this is because we're essentially the same age, being only 14 months apart. I like his wife too. He married well.

I'm closer to my mom than anybody else. She even goes so far as to claim that we are on like some sort of wavelength where we can tell what the other one is feeling like. She's not flaky at all, but I don't argue with her because she likes believing that.

I have an ex-wife that's absolutely batshit nuts outside of being a mother. That she's halfway good at, but in every other respect she's crazy. I have two kids, boys, 4 and 7. They're awesome. The oldest one is clearly very, very intelligent and he looks just like me. Which means the ladies will be all over him in 5-6 years. He gets along with everybody. His greatest gifts seem to be social. He just understands situations and people at a level that no 7 year is supposed to. I have no idea where this came from. His mother is socially retarded and I'm pretty good with people but I clearly don't have the raw gifts he does.

My 4 year old is more average. He's a sweet kid, and very funny. Everybody loves him, and it's mostly because he's ridiculously cute. He's blessed to have his older brother around to look out for him. I shudder to think what life might be like for him without his big brother.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. My mom and stepfather are moving to Texas. This is going to be a huge change for me. I'm used to having them around and so are the boys.

[thirddan]

chip
Do you think you would have listened if anyone in your family had told you how much they didn't like your Ex before you broke up? I ask because I didn't find out until after my first wife and I divorced how many people truly sis not like her. I remember thinking, "well, why the hell didn't you say something BEFORE I married the bitch" but then I wonder if I would have paid attention anyway. "

this is something i've thought about a bit...and im really not sure it would have mattered...i think a lot of people's gripes were things that i had disregarded, but was aware of, that i allowed to slide because we were in love...hopefully i've learned enough from how that relationship ended that if enough people told me my SO was a psycho that i would put some concern into the warnings...

[daveT]

[ QUOTE ]
well, why the hell didn't you say something BEFORE I married the bitch

[/ QUOTE ]

funny story.....

Meh, you can figure it out. I told the dude that I couldn't figure when she was or was not pms'ing, although she loudly proclaimed the week every time.

Everyone told him how much we hated her. I think that made him want to marry even more just to rebel.

[ChipWrecked]

[ QUOTE ]
Chip, can I ask where western IL was at? I'm always intrigued when I find 2p2ers that have history in my area.

[/ QUOTE ]

Roseville area, that's between Macomb and Galesburg.

Minutia: Mom's family and actor J.K. Simmons' family were among the first white settlers in this area. My mom and Simmons' dad were high school classmates (J.K. was born in Michigan). My great-great grandmother was a Simmons, so I'm pretty sure J.K. and I are some kind of distant cousins. I think I should contact his agent and get some kind of Hollywood hook up [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[ChipWrecked]

[ QUOTE ]
chip,

"My mom and my sister don't care for my wife and she returns the feeling. My wife and my mom don't speak to each other unless they absolutely have to. "

would you mind going into this a bit? did this begin while you were dating and was something you were aware of pre-marriage? or did it begin after the wedding because of some event?

had a situation with a long term ex that i found out pretty much nobody liked, but i didnt find out till after we had broken up...

[/ QUOTE ]

Eh, a couple things. My dad died when my sister and I were teenagers. My mom, sister and I got really tight as a result. I drifted through my 20s dealing with depression and drug use/abuse. When I hit my 30s and moved to California, and gained access to more (and more potent) drugs, I cracked a little bit and wound up in jail a couple times. Then I met my wife.

The best way to describe what happened is my whole personality kind of shattered. I was developing a reputation at work as kind of a nutcase. I figured 'I must really be in love this time because I'm going insane now'. It was a long distance relationship and we married nine months after meeting, so I think she didn't realize the extent of my, um, issues until it was a done deal. I didn't realize what I was getting into in terms of her family either.

So I think my mom and sister have some resentment toward her for taking me away from them, and 'remolding' me if you will. We might have some of the peasant's "You think you're better than us?" issues going on as well.

[Blarg]

Chip, are you one of those board psychologists who explosively hated on me for saying spanking your kids isn't both bringing on and itself proof positive of the apocalypse? If so, you sound more human now.