post a joke

[Fishmonger]

sorry to be a nit (well, not really) but it should be eats, shoots and leaves. That's kind of the point of the joke. Have you read the book by the way?

[Shajen]

Fishmonger,

Actually, the way it is typed is correct. A shoot is a bud, young leaf, or other new growth on a plant.

Therefore, in the context of the dictionary, the wording is correct.

What book are you referring to?

[anduril]

A blonde and a brunette are up in the brunette's apartment and look outside and see the brunette's boyfriend buying a dozen roses on the street. The blonde says, "Oh that's so nice." But the brunette throws up her hands and rolls her eyes.

The blonde says, "What's the matter? You don't like roses?"

The brunette replies, "No, I love roses, but you know what they mean, right? For the next 2 weeks straight my legs are going to be spread apart and up in the air."

The blonde, very confused, says, "Well, why? Don't you have a vase?"

[FMZ]

[ QUOTE ]
LADY IS GIVING BIRTH IN THE HOSPITAL AND THE DOCTOR DELIVERING THE BABY DELIVERS IT, CUTS THE EMBILICAL CORD, AND THEN THROWS THE BABY REALLY HARD AGAINST THE WALL. THE MOTHER AND FATHER START FREEKING OUT WHEN THE DOCTOR PICKS UP THE BABY BY IT'S LEG AND SLAMS IT AGAINST THE WALL AGAIN. THEN HE PICKS UP WHAT'S LEFT OF THE BABY, SMILES AT THE DEVISTATED PARENTS AND SAYS "I'M JUST MESS'N WITH YOU, IT WAS ALREADY DEAD

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL THIS MADE ME LAUGH. (how about not using caps?)

[Tony_P]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
LADY IS GIVING BIRTH IN THE HOSPITAL AND THE DOCTOR DELIVERING THE BABY DELIVERS IT, CUTS THE EMBILICAL CORD, AND THEN THROWS THE BABY REALLY HARD AGAINST THE WALL. THE MOTHER AND FATHER START FREEKING OUT WHEN THE DOCTOR PICKS UP THE BABY BY IT'S LEG AND SLAMS IT AGAINST THE WALL AGAIN. THEN HE PICKS UP WHAT'S LEFT OF THE BABY, SMILES AT THE DEVISTATED PARENTS AND SAYS "I'M JUST MESS'N WITH YOU, IT WAS ALREADY DEAD

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL THIS MADE ME LAUGH. (how about not using caps?)

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think that joke would have been as effective if it weren't in caps.

[Fishmonger]

[ QUOTE ]
Fishmonger,

Actually, the way it is typed is correct. A shoot is a bud, young leaf, or other new growth on a plant.

Therefore, in the context of the dictionary, the wording is correct.

What book are you referring to?

[/ QUOTE ]

My point was that the joke is based on there being a punctuation error in the definition of panda. A panda that eats shoots and leaves is one that eats various green parts of a plant. A panda that eats, shoots and leaves is one that eats something, discharges a firearm and vacates the area.

The book I was referring to was Eats,Shoots and Leaves by Lynne Truss; it is a rallying call for the punctuation pedants of the world(of which I am one).

Anyway, a joke. A man is setting up a mining expedition. Three people show up, a Chinaman, an Englishman and a Scotsman. They decide that the Englishman will be in charge of tools and machinery, the Scot will be in charge of manpower and the Chinaman will be in charge of the supplies. A week later, when they are scheduled to set off, the Englishman and Scot show up but there is no sign of the Chinaman. They wait awhile and decide to set off without him. They have gone about a hundred meters when the Chinaman jumps out from a bush and shouts "supplies, supplies!!!".

[ScottieK]

[ QUOTE ]
Anyway, a joke. A man is setting up a mining expedition. Three people show up, a Chinaman, an Englishman and a Scotsman. They decide that the Englishman will be in charge of tools and machinery, the Scot will be in charge of manpower and the Chinaman will be in charge of the supplies. A week later, when they are scheduled to set off, the Englishman and Scot show up but there is no sign of the Chinaman. They wait awhile and decide to set off without him. They have gone about a hundred meters when the Chinaman jumps out from a bush and shouts "supplies, supplies!!!".

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice. Reminds me of this one.

A Chinese lady has problems seeing out of one eye, so she goes to see an optometrist. The doc asks her "do you have a cataract?" She says "no, I have Ricoln Continento."

ScottieK

[pistolero]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Anyway, a joke. A man is setting up a mining expedition. Three people show up, a Chinaman, an Englishman and a Scotsman. They decide that the Englishman will be in charge of tools and machinery, the Scot will be in charge of manpower and the Chinaman will be in charge of the supplies. A week later, when they are scheduled to set off, the Englishman and Scot show up but there is no sign of the Chinaman. They wait awhile and decide to set off without him. They have gone about a hundred meters when the Chinaman jumps out from a bush and shouts "supplies, supplies!!!".

[/ QUOTE ]

Nice. Reminds me of this one.

A Chinese lady has problems seeing out of one eye, so she goes to see an optometrist. The doc asks her "do you have a cataract?" She says "no, I have Ricoln Continento."

ScottieK

[/ QUOTE ]

Likewise,

A Chinese man goes to the bank to check the exchange rate so that he can convert some yuans into dollars. He goes in and is told the exchange rate is 8 to 1. The next week, he goes back to change more currency and the teller informs him the exchange rate is 9 to 1. Irritated, he says, "Last week I was here and the rate was 8 to 1!" The teller responds, "I'm sorry, it's fluctuation." The Chinese man angrily grabs his money, storms out, and yells, "Frucuation?! Yeah, well fruck you white guys too!"

[DeathbySuckout]

A guy walks into a bar...................
He sits down at the bar and tells the bartender "Give me a shot of your best 40 year old Scotch. The bartender remembers that the 40 year old Scotch is in the basement and he's to busy to run down there right now so he just grabs the 20 year old Scotch from under the bar and pours the guy a shot. As he walking away he hears the guy spitting the shot out and yells "HEY BARTENDER! I asked for 40 year old Scotch and you try and give me 20 year old?!"
Bartender says "OK, OK." But he still doesn't want to go all the way to the basement. So he grabs a bottle of 30 year old from the back room and pours the guy a shot. Once again the guy spits it out and tells the Bartender "Look, if you don't have 40 year old Scotch, just tell me instead of trying to pass of this 30 year old crap."
So this time the bartender says "Now I am impressed. You have earned the trip to the basement to get the best 40 year old Scotch I have. I'll be right back."
The whole time this is going on, there is drunk sitting at the end of the bar watching the whole thing. After a couple minutes he walks up to the guy and says in a drunken slur "That's a pretty neat trick you got going there. Here have a drink on me." and sets a shot down in front of the guy. The guy says thank you and drinks the shot, then spits it all over the bar. "THAT'S PISS!!!"
The drunk says "That's right! Now, how old am I?"

[fluorescenthippo]

[ QUOTE ]
A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a [censored]?"

"What! Are you crazy!"

"Don't worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend.

"No! Someone might see us..."

"It's just a small [censored]," he insists, "and I know you like it."

"No! I said no!"

"Baby... don't be like that."

"Come on baby pleeeeaassseee"

"I'm not going to give you a blow job"

"Why Not...baby it will be quick I promise?"

Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."

[/ QUOTE ]

this was in one of those fake mastercard commericals. the commerical is way better to watch than read.