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#211
02-13-2006, 02:43 AM
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Re: post a joke
How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
<font color="white"> 4 1/2. </font> 
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#212
02-16-2006, 03:27 AM
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Re: post a joke
bump
What do you call an Ethopian with a yeast infection? <font color="white">Quarter Pounder With Cheese </font> What's the difference between menstrual fluid and sand? <font color="white">you can't gargle sand </font> Why don't old men eat out their wives? <font color="white">Have you ever tried prying apart a grilled cheese sandwich? </font>
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#214
02-17-2006, 03:00 AM
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Re: post a joke
from bash.org:
<drmason> there was this one time I was wanking to porn... <drmason> ... I kept a javascript tutorial open in another window so my parents didn't start wondering why I was always on the desktop with no windows showing <drmason> so I'm just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my dad coming up the stairs <drmason> alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my boxers up... computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening the door <drmason> I just stood up and was like "[censored]... dad this honestly isn't what it looks like" <drmason> and he glanced at the screen and said "I sure hope so because it looks like you're masturbating to a f*cking javascript tutorial"
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#215
02-17-2006, 04:16 AM
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Re: post a joke
[ QUOTE ]
from bash.org: <drmason> there was this one time I was wanking to porn... <drmason> ... I kept a javascript tutorial open in another window so my parents didn't start wondering why I was always on the desktop with no windows showing <drmason> so I'm just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my dad coming up the stairs <drmason> alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my boxers up... computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening the door <drmason> I just stood up and was like "[censored]... dad this honestly isn't what it looks like" <drmason> and he glanced at the screen and said "I sure hope so because it looks like you're masturbating to a f*cking javascript tutorial" [/ QUOTE ] That's stupid.
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#216
02-17-2006, 04:30 AM
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Re: post a joke
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile on his face and the egg is frowning and looking a tad put out. The egg mutters to no-one in particular "I guess that answers THAT question"
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#217
02-17-2006, 05:02 AM
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Re: post a joke
A young guy drops off his girlfriend at her home after being out together on a date. When they reach the front door he leans up against the house with one hand and says to her, "How about a [censored]?"
"What! Are you crazy!" "Don't worry, it will be quick," he ensures his girlfriend. "No! Someone might see us..." "It's just a small [censored]," he insists, "and I know you like it." "No! I said no!" "Baby... don't be like that." "Come on baby pleeeeaassseee" "I'm not going to give you a blow job" "Why Not...baby it will be quick I promise?" Suddenly, the girl's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown, with her hair a mess, and rubbing her eyes. She looks at them and smirks, "Dad says either you blow him, I blow him, or he'll come downstairs and blow the guy himself... but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom."
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#219
02-17-2006, 05:09 AM
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Re: post a joke
A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, 'I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?' 'About 35,' was the reply. 'I'm actually 47,' the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonalds for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, 'Oh, you look about 29.' 'I am actually 47!' she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, 'I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age. 'There was no one around, so the woman said, 'What the hell?' and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, 'OK, You are 47.'Stunned, the woman said, 'That was brilliant! How did you do that?' The old man replied, 'I was behind you in line at McDonalds.'
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#220
02-17-2006, 01:00 PM
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Re: post a joke
A Panda Bear walks into a café and orders a sandwich and a drink. After he is finished eating, the waiter comes over to bring him the check. When the waiter arrives at the table, he just starts to ask 'Would you like any des...' Then the Panda Bear reaches into his fur, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. The Panda Bear then wipes off his chin with his napkin, gets up, and starts to walk out. Just as he is about to go through the door, the manager grabs him. 'Wait a minute!' he yells, 'You just killed my best waiter! Besides that, you didn't even pay for your sandwich!'
the Panda Bear grasps the manager by the throat, jacks him up, and growls, 'Hey man! I'm a PANDA! Do you know what that means? Why don't you look it up!' at this the Panda walks out the door and ambles down the street. the manager, shaken, returns to his office and consults a dictionary. He reads: 'panda - a large mammal of the Asian mountain forests related to raccoons and true bears and characterized by bold black and white markings. Eats shoots and leaves.'
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