New to OOT. Have custody of my nephews. LONG - Page 4

MissT74 · #1 11-06-2007, 04:41 PM

I think it depends on your relationship with the nephews. Were you there for them as they were growing up? Were you close to them from birth to now? I have 7 nephews. There are 2 of them that I would NOT risk my marriage over. I wasn't there when they were growing up, only dealt with them in the family for a few years and they are basically OK, but more towards the bad side so I would not choose them over my husband.

However, the other nephews I have been there from birth, been close to them and would take them over putting them in foster care in a heartbeat. If the husband doesn't agree then he has to go....it's blood relations, how can you put them in foster care where they can end up worse then what they are now because "noone cared".

Tough situation for you. I would only do it (keep the nephews) if I really loved and cared for them and was willing to lose the spouse over them.

T

Toro · #2 11-06-2007, 04:43 PM

I've read all the replies. While I'm sensitive to the other point of view, there's no way this is fair to your wife.

I love my nephews but there is no way that I would take them in unless my wife was totally onboard with it.

EddieMoney22 · #3 11-06-2007, 04:59 PM

adsman - Thanks

microbets - I do try to accomadate my wife the best I can. We both work M-F 8 - 5. I pick the boys up from football practice, and now it will be wrestling. I get them up for school. I cook dinner at least 4 times a week. Don't get me wrong Im not trying to look like uncle of the year here im just trying to keep everyone happy. I really am not forcing her to be a mom but a aunt to the boys and a little understanding of what the situation was when they came to us. The year before they went to 5 different schools in one year. But a good Idea on the vacation.

Iambusto - I do pray she gets them back. she is coming up for her next review in 2 weeks I will be dring 6 hrs to be there with her.

MissT - Im very close with all my family which is another issue, I send these boys to foster everyone is pissed at me (usually when I say that everyone says they should be pissed at your sister and believe me they are)

Toro- I also agree that it's unfair. But she did offer to take the boys in. However it was suppose to be temporary.

Hope I am answering or responding to all. Sorry If I miss some

gumpzilla · #4 11-06-2007, 05:00 PM

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I've read all the replies. While I'm sensitive to the other point of view, there's no way this is fair to your wife.

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There is no solution that is fair to all parties. Obviously she has some reason to feel aggrieved, but I'd like to think that in this situation I would be tolerant.

Big Bend · #5 11-06-2007, 05:09 PM

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I've read all the replies. While I'm sensitive to the other point of view, there's no way this is fair to your wife.

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There is no solution that is fair to all parties. Obviously she has some reason to feel aggrieved, but I'd like to think that in this situation I would be tolerant.

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Life isn't fair. When you marry someone, its supposed to be thru sickness and health, good times and bad. I personally think it is totally unfair of the wife to demand the nephews be sent to foster care. If my wife suddenly had to adopt her sister's 3 kids, I don't care what the struggles were, we'd work it out as a family.

No way the kids should be sent back to foster care, not when you are perfectly capable of raising them. Yes it'll be a HUGE sacrifice for you and your wife. But that is what family is all about. Other people have had to raise kids in far more demanding circumstances than this, and they've survived it all somehow.

Dump the wife and take care of the kids by yourself if you have to. The life of a child is precious and more important than your marriage in this case. I really feel that way.

10+ years from now when the kids are grown and have a brigh future, you'll be glad you stuck it out. Turn them over to the government and things go bad, you may never forgive yourself (or your wife).

Good luck.. BB

RoundGuy · #6 11-06-2007, 05:15 PM

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Dump the wife and take care of the kids by yourself if you have to. The life of a child is precious and more important than your marriage in this case. I really feel that way.

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I find it absolutely astounding that people are actually this stupid. My wife is the single, most important person in my life -- more important than my parents, siblings, and yes, even my own children.

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10+ years from now when the kids are grown and have a brigh future, you'll be glad you stuck it out.

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LOL. And be totally alone. How stupid is this?

microbet · #7 11-06-2007, 05:30 PM

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I find it absolutely astounding that people are actually this stupid. My wife is the single, most important person in my life -- more important than my parents, siblings, and yes, even my own children.

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People have different values and I think most people would find your favoring your wife over your children to be upside down. I don't love my wife less than my children, but she's an adult and if necessary she could take care of herself. I MUST take care of my children. I will do pretty much whatever is best for them regardless of what they ever do to me or how out of proportion my cost is to their benefit.

I'm not sure how far I would take it with extended relatives. Fortunately this is very unlikely to happen to me and if it did my niece is great and my wife would be happy to have her.

Big Bend · #8 11-06-2007, 05:41 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dump the wife and take care of the kids by yourself if you have to. The life of a child is precious and more important than your marriage in this case. I really feel that way.

[/ QUOTE ]
I find it absolutely astounding that people are actually this stupid. My wife is the single, most important person in my life -- more important than my parents, siblings, and yes, even my own children.

[/ QUOTE ]

I find it absolutely astounding that people are actually this selfish. NO WAY is a wife more important than your kids!!! If she is, then you are a terrible parent.

Wives come and go, can always get another one if necessary. But your children are you LIFE! They MUST be taken care of. People who abandon their children are the scum of the earth and deserve to be damned forever.

I love my wife of 22 years dearly, but I'd kick her to the curb in a second if she tried to keep me from raising the children I needed to take care of. Way too many self-centered a-holes out there who don't take care of their responsibilities - and the innocent children suffer as a result.

BB

Shadowrun · #9 11-06-2007, 06:04 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dump the wife and take care of the kids by yourself if you have to. The life of a child is precious and more important than your marriage in this case. I really feel that way.

[/ QUOTE ]
I find it absolutely astounding that people are actually this stupid. My wife is the single, most important person in my life -- more important than my parents, siblings, and yes, even my own children.

[ QUOTE ]
10+ years from now when the kids are grown and have a brigh future, you'll be glad you stuck it out.

[/ QUOTE ]
LOL. And be totally alone. How stupid is this?

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Are you that scared to be alone?

Personally, if i was to face with that situation I would do everything i could to keep the kids (even if i would end up with a divorce).

TripSearching · #10 11-07-2007, 01:14 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Dump the wife and take care of the kids by yourself if you have to. The life of a child is precious and more important than your marriage in this case. I really feel that way.

[/ QUOTE ]
I find it absolutely astounding that people are actually this stupid. My wife is the single, most important person in my life -- more important than my parents, siblings, and yes, even my own children.

[ QUOTE ]
10+ years from now when the kids are grown and have a brigh future, you'll be glad you stuck it out.

[/ QUOTE ]
LOL. And be totally alone. How stupid is this?

[/ QUOTE ]

Roundguy...

Wow, I do not even know where to start. Do I ignore the fact that you are probably the most pussy whipped man walking the planet? How can anything or anyone be more important to you than your kids? That is insane to me. On an even more serious note, I think we all need to see a pic of your wife so we can understand what makes this woman more important to you then your own children. I do not wish anything bad upon anyone but part of me almost wishes your wife cheats on you so you will have a reality check because your priorities seem to be messed up. I know this sounds harsh but it is not like you would leave her anyway even if she did cheat on you.