Saturday night in Vegas with Mike the Mouth: strippers, coke, and more

[NUTZ IN YA MOUTH]

So I’m at the Can Can room last night in Vegas, enjoying some drinks and a few lap dances, when I notice a fat, obnoxious man getting tossed out by security. I looked over and noticed it was Mike “The Mouth” Matusow. I followed them outside, where Mike was thrown onto the sidewalk, bloody and pissed off. I approached him and told him I respected his game.

Obviously wasted, Mike seemed gracious and said that he wanted to continue partying but he was out of money. He said if I’d pay for a cab ride we could party all night and bang skanky hoes. We grab a cab to the Venetian, where Allen Cunningham is playing $100/200 NL. Mike asks him for some cash.

“Allen, I’m gonna need some more cash,” Mike told him.
“More cash? Didn’t I just give you $100,000 last week?” Allen asked.
“Well, yeah, but that’s all gone now. Come on man, just $250,000, you know I’m good for it!” Mike shot back.

At this point, Allen appears frustrated but hands over the cash. Mike and I decide to head back out and find some strippers. First of all, Mike decides we need some coke. We go to a street corner where his dealer supposedly hangs out. All of a sudden, Steve Dannenmann rolls up in a limo and approaches us.

“What’s going on, Mike? Long time no see!” he says and extends his arm.
Mike instead starts beating on Dannenmann and tells me to join in. Some guys from the limo come out to help Steve, so Mike and I take off running up the strip. Luckily, the guys had stopped to help the unconscious Dannenmann before coming after us. Mike and I were able to hide in some thick shrubbery.

“Mike, why would you do that?!” I asked him
“I [censored] hate that [censored]”, Mike told me.

After scoring some coke, Mike and I head to Scores Las Vegas, where we took two strippers into the VIP room. Mike was pretty out of control and told the strippers he had a kinky fetish he wanted fulfilled. Mike ordered a pizza from Dominos, told the guy he’d tip $500 if he showed up within 5 minutes (which he did, and received the tip). Mike then commanded the strippers to smack him in the face with slices of Meatlovers Pizza while he beat off. The strippers, obviously freaked out, were hesitant at first, but agreed once Mike shelled out $10K to each of them.

“I love it! I love it!” Mike was screaming while being pummeled by large pizza slices and fapping. Eventually, he passes out, lies on his back, and pukes all over his own face. Deciding it was time to go, I snatched $50K from his pocket and headed over to the Rio to play some high stakes with my newfound bankroll.