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#1
02-09-2007, 04:37 AM
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When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
This is actually a pretty serious post (something I hardly ever do).
I have had 2 long term relationships so far. The first was from my senior year of high school until the junior year of college... and the second was from my junior year of college (2001) until 2006. Both girls broke up with me because I wouldn't let them come over to my mom's house and I wouldn't let them meet her. For both girls, it was the deal breaker. Personally, I really don't see the big deal with meeting my mom. The problem is that I have never brought a girl home before, it's kind of becoming a big deal with my friends. I just don't want to go through the whole ordeal and have the relationship not work out and waste all that effort. My mom is honestly the most important person in my life and she is honestly my hero for everything she has done for the family and for everything she has overcome in her life. It's not that I think the girls arent good enough to meet her (they were both smart, funny, hot, etc...), there is honestly just a part of me that doesn't want to go through the ordeal. I can't explain why and both girls were furious that I couldn't explain my reasons. Fast foward to the present. I have been seeing this girl that I met in SF. She is cool, blah, blah, blah... The problem is she has already asked me when I'm going to introduce her to the family!!! WTF!!!! It's only been like 5 months!!!! All this has got me thinking about this post. Does anyone feel the same way I do? Do I have issues? Help a brother out...... 
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#2
02-09-2007, 04:49 AM
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Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
I guess I don't understand what your problem is.
What kind of "ordeal" are you speaking of? You say you are proud of your mom, but does she present you with some kind of embarassment? (mental problem, physical problem, lives in a trailer park with 20 cats...etc etc) Do you anticipate your girlfriends meeting your mom to be a big deal? It shouldn't be. Why in the world would you let long term relationships with girls you still liked end because of this very very small thing? Maybe things are different in SF...but if I was in high school or college and dated a girl for a year+ and didn't at least bring them home to meet my parents once...they would be somewhat pissed and think that I was embarassed of them. In all honesty, I just think that you are putting way to much thought into this whole situation. It's your girlfriend, who you like(love?) and it's your Mom..who you love....and dinner. How difficult could this possibly be?
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#3
02-09-2007, 04:49 AM
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Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
1. Take an effing break from these relationships. You sound codependent and if you don't take some serious time off to learn about yourself you'll regret it someday. 2. These girls have very legitimate complaints. Them meeting your mother should not be a big deal at all. Especially if you have a great relationship with your mom. Meeting your mom shouldn't be some insane event that you build up over 10 effing years. All that will come from that is frustration and bad blood. Don't you think your mom wants to meet the girls you date? It all sounds pretty ridiculous.
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#5
02-09-2007, 04:53 AM
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Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
[ QUOTE ]
Personally, I really don't see the big deal with meeting my mom. The problem is that I have never brought a girl home before, it's kind of becoming a big deal with my friends. I just don't want to go through the whole ordeal and have the relationship not work out and waste all that effort. [/ QUOTE ] Meh, having them meet should be fairly non-eventful and painless. Not really an ordeal at all. It's just a dinner with small-talk. You don't have to consistently hang out with the parents. I think the part that spooks people is that it's a big commitment indicator for some. Girls definitely more so, hence them being pissed with you. Maybe you don't want that commitment? Or, you don't want the moms judging that part of your life?
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#7
02-09-2007, 04:55 AM
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Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
uhhh, wtf? these relationships were like 3+ yrs long and you ended it bc you wouldnt let them meet your mom?!?!?
ive only been in like 2 long term relationships and the first met my mom before we were even dating and the 2nd met my mom about 6 months in which was pretty much the earliest opportunity. I really dont understand what your issue is unless there is something serioulsy wrong with your mom.
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#9
02-09-2007, 05:05 AM
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Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
WOW! I don't really talk about personal stuff so I never really knew what was the norm......
It has nothing to do with me being embarrased of my mom or the girls, bc that couldn't be farther from the truth. My mom is my mom, you know. I guess I don't want her to see that part of my life and I don't want the girls to be a part of that facet of my life. I have no clue if that makes any sense, but it's the best I can do. It's like, if they are friends with my family and [censored] like that, then they basically become a part of my family and that doesn't sit right with me. My brother is the same way as me. He has never brought a girl home either and he has actually lived with one of his girlfriends before. How do you even go about doing something like that? Do you just bring them over? What are they going to talk about? My mom is old school asian and these girls were orange county white girls... kind of a clash of cultures. I just don't want to deal with the drama of things being weird.
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#10
02-09-2007, 05:08 AM
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Re: When to meet the parents? Do I have issues?
[ QUOTE ]
How do you even go about doing something like that? Do you just bring them over? What are they going to talk about? My mom is old school asian and these girls were orange county white girls... kind of a clash of cultures. I just don't want to deal with the drama of things being weird. [/ QUOTE ] Given, I don't know your mom. But I'd be willing to bet she will be completely thrilled if you choose to bring a girl home. She will probably want to cook a meal of some kind. As long as they both speak the same language, I don't see why two people couldn't hold a conversation for an hour or so. Let your mom get to know the girl your seeing, and let the girl see what your home life was like. It's really not that hard at all. If your worried about what they will talk about, tell your mom a little about the girl ahead of time, and visa versa.
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