Couples with differing views on religion

ardubz · #1 10-25-2007, 08:18 PM

My girlfriend and I disagree on pretty much everything religion-related, and we're also both very stubborn. This obviously wouldn't be a big deal if it were just a casual dating thing, but we've been together for a few years and there's talk of making the ultimate sacrifice. FWIW, I'm in the "religion is retarded" camp (agnostic/atheist), and she's Greek Orthodox. While she doesn't practice, she still believes in God and wants her children to be churchgoers. This seems like it could be trouble down the road.

Blind faith makes absolutely zero sense to me. It's not a matter of "not being open" (as has been suggested), it's just not how I'm wired. I need to see things for myself.

I'm sure this is a fairly common situation, but I'd still like to hear any insight anyone has.

Case Closed · #2 10-25-2007, 08:26 PM

I have only been through this in a couple of long term relationships and it was not much of a problem. The occasional asking me to go to church with her was kinda awkward...but it was not that big of a deal. I can't imagine getting married to someone who insists on taking the kids to church every week. I assume it would put a big strain on the marriage if the kids ask me why I don't go to church with them and they find out that mommy basically thinks daddy is going to hell.

Ugh, that would suck.

ncboiler · #3 10-25-2007, 08:26 PM

Ya. You all need to get married. Should work out well.

DonkeyKongSr · #4 10-25-2007, 08:26 PM

This is exactly why I broke up with my longest term girlfriend to date and now only exclusively date non-religious girls.

The LT GF was very Christian, even being a youth counselor at her church. I'm agnostic. Eventually we realized that no matter how well we got along, religion would screw us over. Either she'd have all this religious stuff to do that I was no part of or we'd disagree a ton on raising our kids.

My current GF has been with me about 3 months. I love how we get along really well AND we don't have any issues related to regilion. It's a total nonfactor in both our lives.

PRE · #5 10-25-2007, 08:27 PM

Why would you care if your future wife wants your children to go to church? Religious beliefs aside, how could having your children be church-goers for the early part of their lives and then allowing them to make a choice when they're capable of doing so have any detrimental effects on them? Maybe this is me projecting my experiences on the general population, but I do not know of one person raised in a strong family who was told to go to church growing up ended up being a bad person because of it.

DonkeyKongSr · #6 10-25-2007, 08:29 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Why would you care if your future wife wants your children to go to church? Religious beliefs aside, how could having your children be church-goers for the early part of their lives and then allowing them to make a choice when they're capable of doing so have any detrimental effects on them? Maybe this is me projecting my experiences on the general population, but I do not know of one person raised in a strong family who was told to go to church growing up ended up being a bad person because of it.

[/ QUOTE ]

This issue is essentially this: "Mommy goes to church with us, why doesn't daddy?"

nath · #7 10-25-2007, 08:30 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Why would you care if your future wife wants your children to go to church? Religious beliefs aside, how could having your children be church-goers for the early part of their lives and then allowing them to make a choice when they're capable of doing so have any detrimental effects on them?

[/ QUOTE ]
How could it be anything but detrimental to teach your children to base their lives on a fundamental lie, when they are their most open and the things they learn will stick with them the longest, simply to respect your wife's superstitions?

[ QUOTE ]
Maybe this is me projecting my experiences on the general population, but I do not know of one person raised in a strong family who was told to go to church growing up ended up being a bad person because of it.

[/ QUOTE ]
this is so LOL I don't know where to begin, but let's start with Fred Phelps and his brood.

dylan's alias · #8 10-25-2007, 08:32 PM

This is a huge potential problem. If she is serious about raising kids with religion, you should either give in or seriously consider breaking off the relationship. You don't have to become a priest, but you may need to bend a little bit.

My wife and I both have very similar views of religion and we have seen nothing but problems with our friends who disagree. It is a problem that will only get worse over time.

PRE · #9 10-25-2007, 08:40 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Why would you care if your future wife wants your children to go to church? Religious beliefs aside, how could having your children be church-goers for the early part of their lives and then allowing them to make a choice when they're capable of doing so have any detrimental effects on them?

[/ QUOTE ]
How could it be anything but detrimental to teach your children to base their lives on a fundamental lie, when they are their most open and the things they learn will stick with them the longest, simply to respect your wife's superstitions?

[ QUOTE ]
Maybe this is me projecting my experiences on the general population, but I do not know of one person raised in a strong family who was told to go to church growing up ended up being a bad person because of it.

[/ QUOTE ]
this is so LOL I don't know where to begin, but let's start with Fred Phelps and his brood.

[/ QUOTE ]

How do you know your children will think the same way. This isn't the same thing as allowing them to do something that IS factually wrong / immoral. It is an opinion that you hold that they might actually disagree with.

Maybe you read-over the "strong family" part? Of course there are exceptions to any rule. I'm sure there are atheists out there who raise their children based on terrible morals and beliefs. The ideals of the religion and the ways in which your raise you children must be solid.

ardubz · #10 10-25-2007, 08:41 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Why would you care if your future wife wants your children to go to church? Religious beliefs aside, how could having your children be church-goers for the early part of their lives and then allowing them to make a choice when they're capable of doing so have any detrimental effects on them? Maybe this is me projecting my experiences on the general population, but I do not know of one person raised in a strong family who was told to go to church growing up ended up being a bad person because of it.

[/ QUOTE ]
Seems like it would make more sense to give them the option to go instead of the option to leave. If they're truly going to be spiritual/religious (which is fine), I'd rather it be because they decided to be, not because that's what they were taught.

Thanks for the thoughts.