Non-cliched, funny B&M lines you've heard - Page 14

raisebot · #**131** 02-22-2007, 06:16 AM

Few years ago at a North Las Vegas casino I used to work at. I'm coming off break walking with one of the pit dealers also coming off break. As we get to the pit to resume work, (poker was very close to the pit), he tells me, "watch what I do when a black guy walks by". I had absolutely no idea what he was about to do, but apparently this is fairly common, but just goes unnoticed unless you're really looking for it.

So I'm sitting on a deadspread, staring into space. A black guy walks in the door, and what does the dealer do, he SHOUTS "COLOR COMING IN!" I look at his craps table and there's absolutely no one there playing. A few minutes go by, 3 black people leave, and he shouts "3 BLACK OUT!" Unable to keep a straight face, he then gives the clincher as a small group of girls went to roulette, he hollered "BLACK IN ACTION". Floor didn't say [censored] or scold him, my guess is they likely encouraged it.

I normally don't condone racist behavior, but being in NLV, where it's extremely racially diverse, it was just too damn funny not to laugh.

boondockst · #**132** 02-22-2007, 04:47 PM

2/5 NL...effective stacks $1000

old nittish lady raises to $15 UTG a few calls and a nittish old man makes it $60 to go. She 4-bets to $160, and it folds to the man who calls.

T82r ($~400)

Man checks (SB) lady bets $200, he (AA) instapushes ($900 total)... she (KK) shrugs and calls.

Poor but standard. But for the next 10 minutes she lamented that she couldnt put him on AA since he didnt 5-bet (LOL) preflop.

The defining moment though: She looks over at him (and with all seriousness) says: "If you'd have played your hand right, I wouldnt have lost all my money."

xx44 · #**133** 02-22-2007, 05:41 PM

Playing an MTT at Hardrock Fl. where half the people are in shorts and most the others in jeans. Anyway 2 hours into it a guy wearing a suit/tie moves 2 seats to my right (2 hours into it and he still has his tie pulled up to the fastened top button). Folded to me on the button, I goto steal with 7rag, suit miniraises in BB. I push in half my stack, suit folds.

I show, suit says "very dangerous play sir".
I reply, "I play very dangerously Mr. Bond, very dangerously."
He looks at me like WTF???

CBass1724 · #**134** 02-22-2007, 06:05 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Playing an MTT at Hardrock Fl. where half the people are in shorts and most the others in jeans. Anyway 2 hours into it a guy wearing a suit/tie moves 2 seats to my right (2 hours into it and he still has his tie pulled up to the fastened top button). Folded to me on the button, I goto steal with 7rag, suit miniraises in BB. I push in half my stack, suit folds.

I show, suit says "very dangerous play sir".
I reply, "I play very dangerously Mr. Bond, very dangerously."
He looks at me like WTF???

[/ QUOTE ]

[ QUOTE ]
I just thought I'd save future posters some time by pointing out that if you said it, it's probably not funny, mmmkay?

[/ QUOTE ]

moosehog · #**135** 02-22-2007, 07:13 PM

My buddy has two favorites that he uses:

1) After playing many pots with strong hands and hitting nothing, he will say: "Hell, its raining pussy everywhere today, and I'm catching nothin' but Dicks!"
or
2) After playing a raise pot in a NL cash game, and calling the flop and then getting raised and re-raised: "Well, if i'd have known it was going to be this kind of party, I wouldn't have stuck MY DICK in the MASHED POTATOES!"

findingneema · #**136** 02-22-2007, 08:01 PM

[ QUOTE ]
My buddy has two favorites that he uses:

1) After playing many pots with strong hands and hitting nothing, he will say: "Hell, its raining pussy everywhere today, and I'm catching nothin' but Dicks!"
or
2) After playing a raise pot in a NL cash game, and calling the flop and then getting raised and re-raised: "Well, if i'd have known it was going to be this kind of party, I wouldn't have stuck MY DICK in the MASHED POTATOES!"

[/ QUOTE ]

Let me amend the previous statement. If a good buddy also says it, repeatedly, it's definitely not funny.

Esection · #**137** 02-23-2007, 02:42 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I just thought I'd save future posters some time by pointing out that if you said it, it's probably not funny, mmmkay?

[/ QUOTE ]

Also, if you type your story out and feel compelled to add "i guess you had to be there," its probably not funny, mmmkay?

DeuceKicker · #**138** 02-23-2007, 08:41 PM

"OK guys, we're going to need a courtesy flush from both of you!"

Shouted from the urinal section to the stall section at Commerce.

ScottHoward · #**139** 02-23-2007, 09:16 PM

ok, i read like the first 3 pages. what a waste. wheres the funny? somebody please quote something funny from this thread so i dont have to read the last 80 or so posts.

Repsychler · #**140** 03-26-2007, 02:52 PM

[ QUOTE ]
ok, i read like the first 3 pages. what a waste. wheres the funny? somebody please quote something funny from this thread so i dont have to read the last 80 or so posts.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well this one time, a bunch of whiney douches posted gripes instead of topical comments...
...oh wait, that wasn't funny at all.

/sorry