I suck at (micro stakes) poker and life

Dex · #1 07-28-2007, 09:04 AM

Beat: just got completely owned at micro stakes (and I was actually trying)
Beat: I stopped because I was going on tilt AT MICRO STAKES
Beat: I used to play 5/10NL on that site

Here's some advice for all you wannabe micro ballas:

1. If some douchebag raises every hand for 27 hands in a row, it's not because he's a douchebag, it's because he flopped the nuts 27 times in a row.

2. Don't ever bluff ever ever ever ever ever.

3. If you river a boat OOP against the retard that thinks it's fun to push every river every hand, FOR GOD'S SAKE DON'T CHECK BECAUSE HE WILL CHECK BEHIND WITH HIS TRIPS.

4. DO NOT BLUFF ANYONE AT ANY TIME FOR ANY REASON. THIS INCLUDES "STANDARD" CONTINUATION BETS, SEMI BLUFFS, OR PUTTING ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY INTO THE POT WITH ANYTHING THAT ISN'T A LOCK.

5. No one except you looks at the board.

6. Theoretical optimal bluffing frequency is 0%. For more information on this concept, see The Theory of Poker by David Sklansky.

7. Don't bother trying to pay attention to how each player is playing, because it won't matter.

8. Take the time to learn optimal micro stakes play: close your eyes, move the mouse around, and start clicking until you click a random button. Your opponents have mastered these techniques, and so should you.

9. DO NOT BLUFF ANYONE REGARDLESS OF YOUR READ ON THEM, THEIR STATS, HOW THEY HAVE BEEN ACTING, HOW YOU THINK THEY PERCEIVE YOU, WHAT HAND YOU THINK/KNOW THEY HAVE, THE FACT THAT ANY RETARD WOULD FOLD THE HAND THAT THEY HAVE BASED ON WHATEVER IS ON THE BOARD, OR FOR ANY OTHER REASON AT ANY TIME, FOR ANY AMOUNT, EVER.

10. Don't bluff.

4drugmoney · #2 07-28-2007, 09:07 AM

WOW THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE. YOU SHOULD HAVE CHARGED PEOPLE FOR IT BECAUSE IT RIVALS CARDRUNNERS. SERIOUSLY EDIT THIS AND CHARGE TO SEE IT.ITS GOLD.

Dex · #3 07-28-2007, 09:08 AM

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WOW THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE. YOU SHOULD HAVE CHARGED PEOPLE FOR IT BECAUSE IT RIVALS CARDRUNNERS. SERIOUSLY EDIT THIS AND CHARGE TO SEE IT.ITS GOLD.

[/ QUOTE ]

I KNOW RIGHT

plzleenowhammy · #4 07-28-2007, 09:08 AM

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5. No one except you looks at the board.

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lol

4drugmoney · #5 07-28-2007, 09:11 AM

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8. Take the time to learn optimal micro stakes play: close your eyes, move the mouse around, and start clicking until you click a random button. Your opponents have mastered these techniques, and so should you.

.

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yOU SHOULD SEARCH FOR MY SEOCND TO LAST I QUIT POKER THREAD. I MOVED DOWN TO 10NL FROM 200NL!!!!!!!!!AND LOST 29 BUYINS.PURE VARIANCE!!!!!

Dex · #6 07-28-2007, 09:15 AM

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[ QUOTE ]

8. Take the time to learn optimal micro stakes play: close your eyes, move the mouse around, and start clicking until you click a random button. Your opponents have mastered these techniques, and so should you.

.

[/ QUOTE ]

yOU SHOULD SEARCH FOR MY SEOCND TO LAST I QUIT POKER THREAD. I MOVED DOWN TO 10NL FROM 200NL!!!!!!!!!AND LOST 29 BUYINS.PURE VARIANCE!!!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

standard

T.J. Combo · #7 07-28-2007, 09:19 AM

11. The 3rd min-raise is always aces.
12. A check, think for a long time, min-raise on the flop, turn, or river, is always a set of aces

4drugmoney · #8 07-28-2007, 09:20 AM

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[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]

8. Take the time to learn optimal micro stakes play: close your eyes, move the mouse around, and start clicking until you click a random button. Your opponents have mastered these techniques, and so should you.

.

[/ QUOTE ]

yOU SHOULD SEARCH FOR MY SEOCND TO LAST I QUIT POKER THREAD. I MOVED DOWN TO 10NL FROM 200NL!!!!!!!!!AND LOST 29 BUYINS.PURE VARIANCE!!!!!

[/ QUOTE ]

standard

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oh I FOUND IT

I PWN ALL

bUT I STILL NO LEARN MY LESSON. I SAID [censored] MICROS MOVE TO SMA;;-MIDSTASKES AND LOSE MO MONEY

1968 · #9 07-28-2007, 09:23 AM

I missed the part where you dropped from 5/10 to micros.. graphs?

4drugmoney · #10 07-28-2007, 09:31 AM

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I missed the part where you dropped from 5/10 to micros.. graphs?

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I ONLY TOOK SHOTS AT IT/i DIDNT HAVE PT UNTIL DEC 2006. MY GRAPHER DOESNT WORK I OFFERED ANYONE IN THIS AND MULTIBLE OTHER FORUMS WHO COULD FIX IT (IT ONLY DISPLAYS MY FIRST 1K HANDS, I RUN VISTA) 100$.EVEN THE GUY WHO WROTE THE SCRIPT COULDNT FIGURE IT OUT.OFFER STILL STANDS. ANYWAYS REALLY THE ONLY GAME I EVER BEAT LONG TERM WAS 100 AND 200 NL PARYT.STIPID LAWS AND WHAT NOT. SINCE JANUARY IVE DROPPED 6K PLUS PLAYING STAKES I USED TO LAUGH AT. IT TURNS OUT I SUCK AT POKER.