BBV CONFESSION

[Dschmeidreu]

I have a confession I have to make guys. I....am....a.....joke. I have been playing poker for 5 years, have had some intermediate success on venom007, but nowhere near the success I expect of someone of my intelligence. I'm young, i have a lot of talent and potential, but for some reason I just cannot get myself under control when it comes to tilting. Just one bad session has me moving from .25/.50 to 2/4...everytime I bust I tell myself next time will be different, if you just play one month and build your way from .10/.25 PLO you'll be playing 1/2 or at least .5/1 in no time, just stick with it-- unfortunately i rarely ever stick with it, and that has lead to me wasting the past 5 years of my life playing poker.

Have I learned anything about the game? In terms of pure knowledge about how to play, I think my knowledge surpasses far more than the majority of players, but that is completely irrelevant if I can't battle and win the emotional part of the game.

I have poker tracker.....and I've never had a database larger than 3,000 hands, as when any limit starts going south, as I know is going to happen, I get upset and start a new database. I expect to win. Ping pong, basketball, tennis, these sports are not like poker. The other competitive aspects of my life are not like poker. They have made me falsly believe that if i work hard and put in the effort, im going to consistantly win-- poker guraentees nothing of the sort.

I've had a number of people back me in the past, and only with one did I have great success since he was always there for me to help me through the bad times, talk on the phone, etc.....it is embarassing that I cannot solve the game on my own. If I had learned the emotional part of the game and been able to practice BR management and not tilt for just a year, i'd have a sizeable bankroll, a large checking and savings account, and possibly have a reputation as a good player. Instead what do I have? Absolutely nothing. I say thank you to all the people that have believed in me throughout my poker career, one day I will pay you back, but for now I am left sitting here wondering what could have been if I had just learned some self control.

I think thats another one of my big problems, eveyr time I bust, every time I think about poker, I think to myself that if I just had learned some self control I would have a huge bankroll. So I play with the attitude that I DESERVE a large bankroll, and that [censored] it, ill move to higher limits and get it the quickest way possible. I have now learned that I deserve NOTHING, poker rewards those who stick with something and focus, and I have not really stuck with anything. I'm all over the place from .5/1 NL holdem to 3/6 limit the next day to 2/4 razz to 2/4 PLO to sit and gos to MTT's to heads up.

I am not sure where my future path will take me, but I know I have potential to become a great poker player, or at least a winning one. And I believe the first step in that path is admitting one thing: I....am.....a......joke.

Thanks for reading and listening
- Venom007

[Apathy]

why not get a job and stop gambling?

[Dschmeidreu]

The idea of having to get an 8-10 dollar an hour job while in college when I know I have the ability/potential to make far more playing poker if I learned how to manage my emotions is utterly depressing, thats why.

[KhalynYohrk]

Good start. I think you can use your bad experiences to fuel a comeback provided you stick to a disciplined strategy for building your bankroll. Its really very simple, you just set up a plan and stick to it. If you cant do that I suggest not playing at all.

[Dschmeidreu]

Thanks for the positive response, i appreciate it. Its just hard, I think to myself HOW? How are you stuck playing .10/.25 after 5 years for the 999999th time when if you werent a moron for 5 years you could be playing 25/50? Its just depressing, confusing, sad, angering all at once.

[SamuraiJon]

5 years and still -EV? wow. Props to admitting it though. That takes soem balls.

[Fabian]

You're not cut out for poker. I'm sorry to say that, but it's true. If you add up your 50 databases you probably have a decent number of hands. What's your BB/100 during this sample? Probably takes 10 minutes to figure out, but well worth doing because you need to face reality here. Either you need to learn some humility and start working for your poker success, or you should be quitting right now and get one of those $8/h jobs, for two reasons. One, it pays much better than $0/h, which will be your poker expectation (actually negative but let's ignore that), and two, a regular paying job won't destroy your life and soul like becoming a degenerate gambler with no prospects and no money will.

[imabigdeal]

lol @ ping pong being the first sport you list

[shaundeeb]

you're still a douche this post doesn't change things.

And yes I am a bigger one but I also have a bigger BR which should be proportional.

[apefish]

That's a pretty decent BBV post.

I have a buddy who essentially does what you do. But he adds in the entitlement tilt when winning also.
I think much of it does come down to gambling vs playing poker with a plan.

Acknowledging what is going on is a start- I'm not sure what the second part of that is though.
I haven't been able to talk my buddy into a long term plan he sticks to yet either- and the inability to do that I think will always be his biggest obstacle.

I hope you can overcome that.

Good luck.