How Do You Meet New People?

[luckyjimm]

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kkountry I hope you don't think I'm needling you but "i'm also the only one of my friends that goes to my school" really means "I have no friends at school."

Well, make friends at your school. Talk to people. Its so easy to meet people in a school setting if that's what you want to do. They're all around you!

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no offense taken as far as the 'needling' goes.

i wish i could describe more vividly how much going to a school without a traditional campus (lots of grass, dorms, houses, apartments, restaurants, bars, etc) sucks, but i think i'm having a hard time getting my message across.

my current school situation really depresses me. economically, it makes sense as i don't have to pay a dime and i can live at home for free, but socially it's crippling.

i lived on campus in downtown Detroit my freshman year and it was awful. to say that the dorms were not socially conducive was an understatement. the place turned into a ghost-town thursday night through sunday morning. everybody would drive to other colleges (where they could drink without fear of outrageous MIP tickets and go outside after dark without the fear of getting held up at gunpoint) to party all weekend, why go to the D when you can get plastered at Wastern?

i wish i could transfer to a school with a "real" campus, but unless the state of michigan allows me to transfer my scholarship to another one of their fine institutions because i might put a bullet through my head if i'm stuck in Detroit another year, i'm going to have to meet people somewhere else besides that shtthole.



edit: this wasn't a 'poor me' post. i am just looking for suggestions outside the usual 'meet people at school' because my situation isn't very conducive to this, thanks, i appreciate all the constructive words in this thread

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Now, all I know about Detroit comes from having seen 8 Mile on TV once... but can't you make friends at rap battles?

[WhoIam]

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Now, all I know about Detroit comes from having seen 8 Mile on TV once... but can't you make friends at rap battles?

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Yes, but that's also where you make enemies. Detroit is not a place where you want enemies.

You could also get really fat, rarely shave, and make documentaries where you bug the hell out of people.

[jeffnc]

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I've given this a good bit of thought in the past. Try books on "guerilla dating" and such. Such as
http://tinyurl.com/2jhg66


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This book really doesnt look good. Have you read it?

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It's mostly crap. But it has a few tidbits that are really interesting and useful.

I remember being in college and guys would complain that other guys get the girls. Or, worse, they limit their chances so that they get hung up on the one or two nibbles they get in a year, and make those really important. That's so desparate. The point is, you can meet people in all kinds of crazy ways. You can find 100 dead ends, but if 101 is hooking up with a really cool chick, you're golden. They guys who only try 3 dead ends and quit end up being losers.

If that book helps you find just a few more opportunities, then it's worth it.

[john voight]

I'm not social at all, and avoid social confrontations, however IMO I feel if my life depended on it, I would be able to socialize well.

My thinking is; you need to infuse yourself in social environments. If you are in college, join some clubs. If you are out of college, join some type of community:

Church
Non Profit Help Group
Etc...

Secondly, go to places that have people (become a longterm regular). A dog park, health club, etc...

Go to places for (short term) social investment; bar, pool hall, beach, any type of recreation targeted for adults.

Get a job that puts you amidst ppl (if you can). If you are pulling down 20k a year, odds are you can easily switch jobs. Placing yourself in a social environment will lead to a lot more networking (with customers, and coworkers). If this is not an option (due to career, etc...) you can become a baseball coach, or whatever, and coach little kids (pick up MILFS) on your spare time.

Joining sports, running, or reading clubs would be wise as well.

Change living environment; live w/ 2 or 3 other ppl. Their networks will help you meet new ppl. Myspace has a bunch of homeless ppl looking to rent rooms.

Find ppl via the internet. I think social networking is 1 possibility, however I am sure there are countless other ways. I mean surely there are website that gather ppl for one cause or another (like maybe random ppl go hiking or biking together?). What I am saying, is dig depper on the net; dont just stop @ craigs list or myspace.

Lastly, become bisexual.

[Dazarath]

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Well, make friends at your school. Talk to people. Its so easy to meet people in a school setting if that's what you want to do. They're all around you!

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It's not as easy for some of us as you think. After 5 years here, I have almost no friends that I see myself talking to in a couple years. This isn't to say that I dislike my friends, but I doubt we'll be keeping in touch after we graduate.

I'm a stereotypical CS major. Introverted, sits in front of the computer X hours/day, etc etc. I think I've always kind of been this way. So this year, I joined a club (basically the first one I've ever joined) and attended almost every event. I even took the time to learn almost everyone's names. Normally, I'm really poor at that kind of stuff. The result? I don't have a single friend in the club. I have a billion theories for why I suck with people, but that's beyond the point. (When I say "friend", I'm not referring to someone who says "hi" and gets my name right about 40% of the time.)

I think it's easy to say how easy it is to make friends, but there are some of us who really struggle with it. I do enjoy reading these types of posts whenever I see them in OOT or EDGD, so thanks to the OP for bringing up the topic.

[oe39]

i like to sit around peter lugar's and tell people what to order.

[jeffnc]

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I think it's easy to say how easy it is to make friends, but there are some of us who really struggle with it. I do enjoy reading these types of posts whenever I see them in OOT or EDGD, so thanks to the OP for bringing up the topic.

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It's NOT easy to make freiends. It's easy for some people to make what I'd call "acquaintances". But that is not exactly the same thing as "friends".

To me it's a numbers game. You are not really going to make that many "friends" in your lifetime, because you just don't really click with all that many people. So it's a numbers game. Sure, improve your social and interpersonal skills (communication etc), no doubt. But also get your face in front of as many people as you comfortably can. Meet 500 hundred people, and you might really hit it off with 1 or 2. Meet only 20 people, and.... well you're a poker player, you know the odds.

[dustyn]

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I think it's easy to say how easy it is to make friends, but there are some of us who really struggle with it. I do enjoy reading these types of posts whenever I see them in OOT or EDGD, so thanks to the OP for bringing up the topic.

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It's NOT easy to make freiends. It's easy for some people to make what I'd call "acquaintances". But that is not exactly the same thing as "friends".

To me it's a numbers game. You are not really going to make that many "friends" in your lifetime, because you just don't really click with all that many people. So it's a numbers game. Sure, improve your social and interpersonal skills (communication etc), no doubt. But also get your face in front of as many people as you comfortably can. Meet 500 hundred people, and you might really hit it off with 1 or 2. Meet only 20 people, and.... well you're a poker player, you know the odds.

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Yes I agree. It's fairly easy to make acquaintances or people you hang out with or go drinking with or something like that. But making good friends is hard. Probably harder than meeting a girlfriend. Friends almost have a "built in number two" to the system that makes it more difficult to maintain since people will often put spouses/relationships/family higher on the list. People with very large social networks typically don't have a lot of close friends, more acquaintance types. It's simply impossible to maintain lots of close relationships/friendships at once.

[KotOD]

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I just moved to San Diego this week from Pittsburgh, where I've lived all my life until now. I don't know anyone in SD at all and never really been in a situation where I'm completely on my own for meeting people.

Anyone care to offer any suggestions or help on how to go about doing it?

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First, don't freaking weird them out by being all sappy. Now that we've got that out of the way:

1. Golf league, pool league, softball league, wiffle ball league, flag football league
2. College Alumni group
3. Beer club
4. Just go play pick up basketball
5. Volunteer for some charity or organization

You will also eventually meet people if you go to the same barber each time, if you go to the same deli/grocery/market, same bar, cafe, coffee shop, gym, pool etc.

[Jerry D]

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There's really very little I'll miss about Memphis

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Everybody hates Memphis. I'm sure you've heard that it is now being called "Lil Baghdad" by the people there now. You really have to live on the outskirts in Southaven, over the bridge in Marion or something if you don't want to be carjacked, robbed, and harrassed on a daily basis.

Memphis makes inner city Detroit look like Shangri La.