Two-part post: friend's keys stolen, passing gas on my furniture

[tuq]

So today against my better judgement I was corrupted into meeting some friends for some Golden Tee. We are action junkies and when we do social things like there to be some competition involved.

Well, I met these guys and we rolled a game. Shortly after starting, two severely tattooed gentlemen came up and played the game next to us. That game was between our game and the table where our beers were. Kinda cramped. They put their stuff on that table too.

My wallet, keys, sunglasses, and phone were all pretty close to the edge of the table, easily pilferable should these guys catch us looking the other way. So at an opportune moment I grabbed my wallet and shoved it in my pocket.

Fast forward a bit. We're getting ready to leave, tattooed guys long since gone, as well as one of our friends. However, my other friend's keys are missing. Not under the table, not with our other friend. Gone. We go to his place and try to get into his condo, but the windows are locked. He ends up spending the next few hours with me waiting for his wife's flight to arrive from Seattle, so she can let him in.

Just completed the gauntlet of picking her up at the airport and dropping them both off at their place. Now he has to get his spare car key and hope his ride hasn't been jacked. Over/under on this happening? He's not worried about anything else, but I told him to worry: if his registration is in his glove box then they have his address and his house key.

The bartender said she recognizes one of the guys, so it helps that they're not transient.

So he comes over and we're watching The Big Lebowski to pass time. And he keeps passing gas on my couch. Luckily it's a nice leather couch so his ass smell isn't embedded in the fabric. WTF? I never blow ass in someone's ride or on their furniture, it just seems distasteful. Yet he was making a production out of it. This is rude amirite? Or is there a Man Law that says this is fine if there's only guys around?

Cliff's Notes: guy loses keys, I host him for a few hours, farts into my furniture. Fin.

[Edge34]

Guys probably just picked up his keys by accident. Of course, this seems to be a good reason to keep your keys and wallet in your pocket. Dude shouldn't NOT worry about things happening, and if its reasonable he could change the locks on his pad, but probably doesn't have anything to worry about.

As far as the farting...meh? Not the most polite thing to do, but he's a guy, and like you said, its not embedded in your furniture. Not entirely nitty, just nit-esque.

[Your Mom]

take a [censored] on his porch

[tuq]

Edge,

I'll admit I was totally profiling those guys, but one of them went out of his way to introduce himself to us before they started playing but I was still suspicious. Early-mid twenties, gang-bang looking (bear in mind one of them was white, lest that sound more racist than I intend), I was concerned they had an ulterior motive. It's interesting that not long after that something happened that I've never seen before, a guy's keys disappearing. We'll see how it plays out.

[tuq]

[ QUOTE ]
take a [censored] on his porch

[/ QUOTE ]
There are no porches in Phoenix. Basements either. Thanks for the thoughtful response though.

[Klompy]

tuq,

It's only ok for him to fart on your couch if he's lighting them on fire for your entertainment, otherwise kick him to the curb.

[Edge34]

[ QUOTE ]
Edge,

I'll admit I was totally profiling those guys, but one of them went out of his way to introduce himself to us before they started playing but I was still suspicious. Early-mid twenties, gang-bang looking (bear in mind one of them was white, lest that sound more racist than I intend), I was concerned they had an ulterior motive. It's interesting that not long after that something happened that I've never seen before, a guy's keys disappearing. We'll see how it plays out.

[/ QUOTE ]

Tuq,

I would do the exact same thing in your position. Just curious, was your buddy wearing basketball shorts or something with no pockets? I may just be anal about keeping my stuff in sight or on my person at all times, but it keeps my stuff from getting easily jacked.

Maybe just go back to the bar or whatever and see if someone turned in a set of keys? Most likely pointless, but I'd at least check.

[tuq]

Edge,

He asked about the keys but no dice. I was wearing workout shorts (I mean, not Spandex or anything gay, just standard Nike stuff) and a t-shirt otherwise I definitely would have had my wallet and keys in my pockets. Pretty sure he had pockets though.

However, I recently had a pretty nice cell phone mangled when it probably got caught between a golf ball and a pop-a-shot console when the same foolio said I couldn't outshoot him and it was an obvious challenge to my manhood that needed to be addressed directly. The phone has since been replaced but I don't keep it in my pocket anymore if I'm doing any physical activity.

[mbillie1]

If there aren't any women who you're trying to bang (wives and girlfriends don't count) then blowing ass is unacceptable. In this situation you need to pound a bowl of Wendy's chili and return fire.

[marchron]

[ QUOTE ]
So he comes over and we're watching The Big Lebowski to pass time. And he keeps passing gas on my couch. Luckily it's a nice leather couch so his ass smell isn't embedded in the fabric. WTF? I never blow ass in someone's ride or on their furniture, it just seems distasteful. Yet he was making a production out of it. This is rude amirite? Or is there a Man Law that says this is fine if there's only guys around?

[/ QUOTE ]
Make a bowl of popcorn or something. Put it on the table via contorting your body to the optimal angle for perfect assblast trajectory to the target (his head). Fire at will.

Your house, so I'm not sure what's difficult about this, unless you're not gassy for whatever reason.