My Mom and Judaism

[king_of_drafts]

Until I was about fourteen, I attended synagogue a couple times a month because my mom forced me. I always found it very boring (two hours of sitting, standing, and chanting), and while I agree with many of Judaism's basic tenets, I don't feel the urge or requirement to go and show devotion. After my Bar Mitzvah, when many kids my age kept going of their own volition, I stopped altogether. This aggravated my mom but she didn't do anything about it other than make subtle quips as she was going out the door to synagogue. I, of course, ignored them and went on watching my saturday morning cartoons.

A couple years later I was going through the standard sixteen year-old emo/atheism stage where I told anyone and everyone about my newfound godlessness and informed them of their ignorance for believing otherwise. When I told my mom, she reacted in a manner far from what I expected, and said the main reason she had pushed me so hard to go to services every other weekend, and Hebrew school twice a week, was to gain a sense of community, not necessarily to be a pious Jew. I found this a little ironic, considering I never made any close friends there and found many of the regulars of all ages to be pretentious and self-righteous, if not downright distasteful.

In addition, my mom seems to be selectively overzealous about matters of conservative Judaism. She was part of a group of subversive synagoguers that got our rabbi ousted for marrying a lesbian couple under a chuppah. Also, she keeps "half kosher," which makes no sense at all to me. Why would you just eat pork "sometimes" and mix meat and milk if it were to inconvenience you otherwise? It seems blatantly hypocritical. In addition, she is a convert from Christianity (she converted when she met my dad, who she has since divorced). Why would you convert only to disobey the laws of the Torah?

Thinking about all of this lately, I think it has more to do with my mom's pride than anything else. Why did she have me Bar Mitzvah'd despite my opposition to the matter? Why does she continue to send me synagogue newsletters?

Not sure exactly what I am asking here, mainly just wanted to put it out there because I am confused about it. My mom is a very intelligent woman, successful lawyer and real estate agent, and yet she seems so completely off base on what's important in religion. If anything, these experiences have led me to believe that if I ever want to practice religion seriously, I will do so on my own, and not within a large, organized populace.

Have I been spoiled by bad experience? Is my mom not as absurd as I think?

I'm not looking for any concrete answers or anything, I am just very perplexed by the whole situation and felt like putting it out there. Maybe others can chime in with stories about parents being hypocritical or something...

[tsearcher]

I'm not Jewish, so take my statements with a lot of skepticism. Your mother is not absurd at all. Judaism is more than just a religion. It's a culture and ethnic group (Nation?) with an incredible history. No other culture in the history of mankind has lasted as long. No other culture has produced so many influential people regardless of size. For example: King David, Moses, Jesus, St. Paul, Karl Marx, Einstein and lots of others. Something great must be going on within that culture. It would be a shame to lose it.

Now your mother may not be consistent, but she is making an effort. The dietary laws are something that set your culture apart from others. So maintaining them or at least trying to helps keep it alive.

As far as community goes, I believe that can be one of the best parts of any religious gathering. You may say you don't like the other people at the synagogue, but I imagine you have a lot in common with most of them. Open your mind a little bit and you might find some interesting people there.

Learning any foreign language helps you in the long run, even if it's a more or less dead one (I believe Israeli's speak Hebrew so it's not really dead). I think it would be great to be able to read some of the Biblical texts in their original language.

As far as services being boring. I think it's a good thing to go through something boring on a regular basis. Being able to do that is a valuable skill and will help you through the rest of your life. Additionally, in times of stress, ritual can be very calming. Sort of a comfort food for the mind.

Cliff Notes: Your mother is right. There is more to Judaism than believing in God.

[Shadowrun]

if your not a Jew or have never been to synagogue, it is hard to imagine how boring it can get.

I was part of the kids that would go congregate and talk in the hallways especially when the Rabbi would speak.

What kind of synagogue is this- conservative?

[tsearcher]

[ QUOTE ]
if your not a Jew or have never been to synagogue, it is hard to imagine how boring it can get.

I was part of the kids that would go congregate and talk in the hallways especially when the Rabbi would speak.

What kind of synagogue is this- conservative?

[/ QUOTE ]

I haven't been to a Synagogue, but Church was pretty boring to me when I was a kid. But going back there in my old age has always been comforting.

[MrMon]

You would be surprised how many Orthodox and Conservative Jews follow the rules only sometimes, especially when their fellow congregants are watching, yet blatently flout them at other times. For some odd reason, they don't just convert to Reform Judaism, where they could choose their level of observance and be perfectly accepted. This is probably due to the fact that they would then have to accept others doing some things they don't agree with, and God knows that people love to be judgmental about others. Another reason for a rejection of Reform is that the line of thinking that if Judaism didn't have all these rules that don't make sense, then how would Jews be able to distinguish themselves from Christians, never mind that whole Jesus thing. And people also love to use God as an excuse for their own prejudices, hence getting the rabbi bounced on the charge of marrying a lesbian couple.

I have no doubt your mom was sincere in her whole "community" effort, but people often do strange things as part of a community, behaving one way when in it and another way when away from it. It's not just restricted to Judaism.

As far as you practicing it, I can say that as non-Jew who is married to a Jew and is raising his kids Jewish, it's just a matter of finding a Reform temple that makes you comfortable. Some are a lot more liberal than others, but if you want to maintain some degree of Jewishness, that's where you'll generally find something you're comfortable with. You could also try Secular Humanistic Judaism, but they're so rare, you might have difficulty finding a congregation in your area, depending on where you live.

[Death Valley]

Very passive aggressive posting on shabbat... I like it [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

I grew up "modern orthodox" and went to yeshivah through high school. That being said I never liked the restrictions. Never in my life was I observant, though I faked it until college.
It seems that religion for most people is about making themselves feel good, not about serving the lord (whichever one they pray to). 99.8% of the Jews I know follow SOME of the rules. The "orthodox" follow most of the rules, the "moder othodox" less, the conservative even less, and so on and so forth. Granted there are a lot of rules so it is harder to follow strictly than a religion like Christianity or Catholocisim.
From what I have seen people follow what THEY think G-d wants (regardless of what he told them in the bible they follow). People basically do what makes them feel good.

As for converting to "conservative judaism" thats always confused me, but again whatever makes people happy is fine by me, I dont judge

As far as I am concerned everyone should do what makes them happy, while not infringing upon others.

Good Shabbos,
Death Valley

"No more!
The crap rolls out your mouth again
Haven't changed, your brain is still gelatin
Little whispers circle around your head
Why don't you worry about yourself instead

Who are you? where ya been? where ya from?
Gossip burning on the tip of your tongue
You lie so much you believe yourself
Judge not lest ye be judged yourself

Holier than thou
You are
Holier than thou
You are

You know not

Before you judge me take a look at you
Can't you find something better to do
Point the finger, slow to understand
Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand

It's not who you are it's who you know
Others lives are the basis of your own
Burn your bridges build them back with wealth
Judge not lest ye be judged yourself

Holier than thou
You are
Holier than thou
You are

You know not

Yeah who the hell are you?
Hey yo

Holier than thou
You are
Holier than thou
You are

You know not

Not"

[Kirstie Alley]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm not Jewish, so take my statements with a lot of skepticism. Your mother is not absurd at all. Judaism is more than just a religion. It's a culture and ethnic group (Nation?) with an incredible history. No other culture in the history of mankind has lasted as long. No other culture has produced so many influential people regardless of size. For example: King David, Moses, Jesus, St. Paul, Karl Marx, Einstein and lots of others. Something great must be going on within that culture. It would be a shame to lose it.

Now your mother may not be consistent, but she is making an effort. The dietary laws are something that set your culture apart from others. So maintaining them or at least trying to helps keep it alive.

As far as community goes, I believe that can be one of the best parts of any religious gathering. You may say you don't like the other people at the synagogue, but I imagine you have a lot in common with most of them. Open your mind a little bit and you might find some interesting people there.

Learning any foreign language helps you in the long run, even if it's a more or less dead one (I believe Israeli's speak Hebrew so it's not really dead). I think it would be great to be able to read some of the Biblical texts in their original language.

As far as services being boring. I think it's a good thing to go through something boring on a regular basis. Being able to do that is a valuable skill and will help you through the rest of your life. Additionally, in times of stress, ritual can be very calming. Sort of a comfort food for the mind.

Cliff Notes: Your mother is right. There is more to Judaism than believing in God.

[/ QUOTE ]

Is there anything you can't put a positive spin on?

[AZK]

I have a lot to say to this post, so I'll respond later when I have more time. However, she made you get a Bar Mitzvah so that you would be considered a jew. If you don't have a bar mitzvah you are not jewish.

[king_of_drafts]

Awesome responses everyone.

[ QUOTE ]
I'm not Jewish, so take my statements with a lot of skepticism. Your mother is not absurd at all. Judaism is more than just a religion. It's a culture and ethnic group (Nation?) with an incredible history. No other culture in the history of mankind has lasted as long. No other culture has produced so many influential people regardless of size. For example: King David, Moses, Jesus, St. Paul, Karl Marx, Einstein and lots of others. Something great must be going on within that culture. It would be a shame to lose it.

Now your mother may not be consistent, but she is making an effort. The dietary laws are something that set your culture apart from others. So maintaining them or at least trying to helps keep it alive.

As far as community goes, I believe that can be one of the best parts of any religious gathering. You may say you don't like the other people at the synagogue, but I imagine you have a lot in common with most of them. Open your mind a little bit and you might find some interesting people there.

Learning any foreign language helps you in the long run, even if it's a more or less dead one (I believe Israeli's speak Hebrew so it's not really dead). I think it would be great to be able to read some of the Biblical texts in their original language.

As far as services being boring. I think it's a good thing to go through something boring on a regular basis. Being able to do that is a valuable skill and will help you through the rest of your life. Additionally, in times of stress, ritual can be very calming. Sort of a comfort food for the mind.

Cliff Notes: Your mother is right. There is more to Judaism than believing in God.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thing is, I'm not interested in forcing myself into a community. I think it was fine for my mom to plunk me down in a group and see if I could make some friends, but once I start resisting, she shouldn't have the right to force me into it. I have met the best friends of my life in naturally occurring settings. Yes, I know Judaism is more than a religion, but when the social aspect starts to overshadow the reasons you started coming in the first place, doesn't that mean something's gone awry?

There are plenty of people keeping Judaism alive without half-assing it. I don't think they really need my mom hobbling around on her sometimes-I-just-have-a-piece-of-bacon crutches. Also, I think Kashrut is pretty outdated from what I know about it (which, admittedly, is not a lot), so if I wanted to keep kosher, I would want some justification, whereas my mom seems to follow the laws blindly.

Agreed that boredom can be soothing, but only if it's on your own terms. I don't want to wake up at 8 AM on saturday to go be bored and not be able to fall asleep.

AZK,
I hope you elaborate. For the most part, I think a Bar Mitzvah is pretty meaningless. Then again, this is coming from a guy that resented being pushed into it, and was basically going through the motions.

[ahnuld]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
if your not a Jew or have never been to synagogue, it is hard to imagine how boring it can get.

I was part of the kids that would go congregate and talk in the hallways especially when the Rabbi would speak.

What kind of synagogue is this- conservative?

[/ QUOTE ]

I haven't been to a Synagogue, but Church was pretty boring to me when I was a kid. But going back there in my old age has always been comforting.

[/ QUOTE ]

At least its in a language you understand.