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#1
11-08-2007, 12:04 PM
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Another relationship advice thread
Here we go again with the relationship advice, i am totally and utterly confused on what to do in my current situation so hopefully its obvious.
Ok so recently (1.5 months ago)i broke up with my girlfriend of 3.5 years, things had gotten stale and i really wasnt very happy. We talked about going to counseling, and i ended up going last Friday. The counselor simply said "maybe she isnt the right person for you" and so Saturday around noon i called her and said i didn't think we should talk anymore. There is another important part to this story. Two weekends ago i was in a friends wedding out of town. I met this other girl. Unfortunately she lives 200 miles away from me but her family lives in my town. Anyways we sat up until 4am talking, which made me realize even more that the real intimacy was missing from the other relationship. Anyways i continued to talk to this other girl and she is cool, but the downside is she is a Jesus freak. I dont mean that in a true downside way just that no secksitime for a while im guessing. Anyways she also has recently lost 50 lbs and is still a little big, but is pretty cute. EX Rating Body 7 Face 5 Personality 6 New Girl Rating Body 3 Face 7 Personality 10 Anyways last weekend she came down, and we spent both nights staying up till 6am talking (ya i know lame to most of you). Anyways when she went back home i felt like i was doin ok, but as the week has progressed i am starting to think i need to give the ex another chance and there is a pretty good reason for that. When we first started dating, it was probably the best 4 months of my life. We hung out most days, the sex was good, and we had deep conversations quite a bit. After the first four months i started to get insecure that maybe she wasnt good enough for me or something and started to shut her out. Little by little we hung out less and had sex less. Instead i hung out with my friends a lot and blew off my girlfriend. By the last 6 months of our relationship it was so strained we were hanging out about 2 times a month and probably having sex once. To put it mildly i had totally taken her for granted. I figured that i could just do whatever and things would be fine so i did what i wanted and never did much to grow the relationship or cultivate a deeper relationship with this girl. Anyways fast forward to yesterday. I wake up with this strange knot in my stomach. I start to realize this is really happening, i am really walking away from this girl, it isnt just a game anymore. And it scares the living [censored] out of me. She was a great girl in many ways, she was willing to look past the "emotional abuse" and still give me space and let me do whatever. I honestly think at this point i got scared 4 months in that i was going to hafta get married and put everything on autopilot. Now im starting to think that was a mistake. Im not sure if i truly wasnt happy with HER or if i was unhappy because i knew i was half assing it the whole way through. 
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#5
11-08-2007, 12:14 PM
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Re: Another relationship advice thread
OP, it's not them, it's you. The attraction to the "new" girl has everything to do with how you're feeling, nothing to do with the girl herself.
You might be right that letting your girlfriend go is a mistake, she also might not be the girl for you, or you might not be emotionally ready to make that kind of commitment. Get your own [censored] dealt with and the rest will fall into line.
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#9
11-08-2007, 12:19 PM
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Re: Another relationship advice thread
Not sure OP should be in a relationship with anyone.
Sticking with the first girl because she would put up with you ignoring her and whatever other emotional abuse doesn't exactly give you the right foundation for a relationship. Breaking up with her the very next day after the counselor says, "maybe she's not right for you" is kind of odd.
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#10
11-08-2007, 12:22 PM
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Re: Another relationship advice thread
We were already broken up but still talking/[censored]. I decided that needed to stop.
I dont disagree that i maybe shouldnt be in a relationship with anyone. I guess im asking do i tell the ex i want to go to counseling get my [censored] together and give it another go? I think for the first time ever i see the problems in the relationship in a whole different way. I see that the problem wasnt her, it was me. It was my insecurity and fear that drove her away, not something wrong with her. I want to fix it so bad but im not sure if i can...
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