Putting your foot in it

[Wynton]

[ QUOTE ]
Haha you cracked and disclosed your source? God Wynton. You can't disclose your source. So what happened to you? Did you stay on as a counselor?

[/ QUOTE ]

I was sent home in the middle of the summer, along with a few others. But because I was somewhat indispensable, I was asked to return after a week or two. In fact, I was asked to come back the following summer, as a full-fledged, paid counselor.

Or maybe they just thought I would be a good informer.

Anyway, I didn't return. The camp was pretty badly run, though their interrogators were first-rate.

[Duke]

@OP

Both of these are examples that only had attention drawn to them because of a pause. If you just say whatever it is it turns into a joke, and you can play it from there.

This technique will allow you to never encounter a situation like this again.

[tarheeljks]

this did not happen to me:


This story happened in HS about 12 years ago when Mortal Kombat first came out. Our health teacher told us some woman from social services was coming in the next day and she expected us to be on our best behavior. The next day, this woman comes in and shows us a video on physical abuse.

The video shows some guy coming home to his wife and 2 kids; he starts an argument w/ the wife. Evenually he starts hitting her in front of the kids and she falls on the ground and he starts kicking her in the head. It was actually pretty graphic, which surprised me.

Anyway, just as he's about to stomp on her head, the social woman pauses the video to talk about it; I say, "Finish Her!". About 1/2 the class gasps in shock, the other half are trying not to laugh. My teacher got pissed and sent me to the principal's office.

[quirkasaurus]

A classic from way back...

My wife, feeling self-conscious from some left-over baby weight,
after our second child was born, bought herself a dark purple
sweats outfit in which to work out.

She tried it on, came into the living room and said
"what do you think?"

i thought she looked fine and said "Great! you look like
a giant...."

suddenly, i realized she'll kill me if I say "eggplant"
which was the color of the suit... so I quickly switched
to the next purple fruit I could think of:

"...grape ?!?!"

( didn't go over too well and i never saw her in that
outfit again... )

[quirkasaurus]

[ QUOTE ]
Well it pales in comparison to what Runkmud did but ok this is all i could come up with.

Every now and then our boss holds a staff meeting where lunch is provided. Usually she delegates the food selection to one of her managers, or she goes around and takes a poll. But she has a budget for this type of thing so sometimes we get a really sweet lunch.

Anyway, the last lunch meeting we had I was pretty excited because I happened to be starving. I go into the conference room and get in line behind everyone else. When I finally get up to the counter where our lunch is all laid out before us I see that it is 5 extra large cheese pizzas. (Now you have to know me but I really love pizza, just not cheese pizza. I say put a topping on that damn pie! anything at all...an onion, a piece of green pepper...I really don't care).

So anyway there are about 4 of us standing at the counter eying our selection (if you can call it that) and I say "Geez, who's the Bozo who ordered 5 cheese pizzas for a staff meeting! I hate cheese pizza." only to get a frozen smile and the eyeball movement from my friend who was standing next to me. Apparently the bozo who ordered the pizza was standing up there with us. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

um.... weren't they a bozo though?
who, other than little kids, like plain cheese pizza ? [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Runkmud]

Just remembered another one for y'all, sorry if it kind of pales in comparison to the last one, but that's gonna be tough to beat.

A little background first, as a guy who works from home, I don't get to meet as many women as I'd like, and the ones I do meet are typically bar types, which isn't bad, but not what I look for in girlfriend material. So about every two years or so, I enroll in some college classes to go shopping, yeah, I know, I'm getting to old for this.

So anyway, a few years ago, I'm taking a class in sociology, and about two weeks into the course I realize that my teacher is one of my neighbors. I realize this when, on my way to class, I'm driving through my neighborhood and see her getting in her car. Cool, my teacher is my neighbor!

So I get to class, and ask her if she lives in my subdivision, she's a bit startled until I tell her that we're neighbors. I explain which house is mine, to which she replies "Oh, you're the ones with all the parties!" Yay me. She then asks me if I know her cat and she then describes said cat. Holy [censored], what a coincidence!

I then tell her the story from a few weeks before, where I awake to a huge crash in my pool area, and I rush outside to see her cat sitting on my pool deck. Problem being, I have a screened in porch and the little bastard fell right through the top. So I let him out and shell out a hundred or so for the screen repair. She laughs, thinks this is adorable, but doesn't break out a check book or anything to reimburse me, but no big deal.

So a few more weeks go by, and I arrive at class, where she's showing a movie. Cool, no work today, then I look over at her and notice she's crying. So I ask the girl in front of me, why she's crying. The girl responds in a whisper, "her Dad died." Wow, I was floored, that's dedication, who comes to teach on the day of their father's passing.

Being the nice and sensitive guy I am, for our next class, I stop at the grocery store and pick up some flowers and a sorry for your loss card. Before class, outside, I'm trying to get all the students to sign the card. One of the cuter students, says I'm adorable and sweet, and she can't believe I did all this just because her cat died. Excuse me? Her cat??? I thought her Dad died. Well [censored], the cats out of the proveriable bag now, too late to turn back, so I set the flowers and card on her desk and proceed to question said cute girl. She tells me that our teacher's cat was run over.

Ummmm [censored]. It occurs to me, I was in the location of the cats death, have motive, and am looking especially guilty. I quickly decide that the best course of action is to get rid of the flowers and card. As I'm rushing up to the desk to grab the evidence, our teacher walks in and sees the card and flowers. She asks who was so sweet as to do this for her. Well, might as well come out with it now. I explain to her that I thought her Dad died, and in no uncertain terms was this any part of a confession in the hit and run involving her feline. I still don't think she believes me.

Some days it pays to just stay home.

[KittyKat]

Talking with a guy I had just met in a bar one night, I said something about having lived in FL for a while, and then went off on what a hick infested rat of rednecks it was "Everyone had a confederate flag on their or hanging in front of their house, stupid racist hicks, they lost the war! Get over it!"
The guy just stands there and nods, and the conversation switches to something else. Later in the night he shows me the tattoo on his arm. Confederate flag.

This one wasn't me, but it makes me laugh... My brother's best friend fought in Iraq, and in the process was shot through the leg. It apparently blew a huge hole through his shin and he had to beg them not to amputate it. He had multiple surgeries and now he can even run again.

But anyway, about 6 months after he gets back he has a brace of sorts going all the way up his leg, and can get around on crutches, so him and my brother go to a diner to get some food.
When they come in, there's 3 sheriff's deputies sitting at the counter. One of them looks over at the friend and says, "Ooooh boy, I bet you'll never do THAT again!" My brother's friend looks the deputy in the eye and replies, "You're right sir. I will never again go to Iraq and get shot fighting for freedom."

[Runkmud]

LOL good one by the vet. Kitty, you were right about the guy with the confederate flag, he should be embarrassed, but wrong about Florida hehe.