Post a stupid, yet funny, joke

[NajdorfDefense]

Teacher asks Lil' Jonny if he has 5 apples and she takes 3 away, how many does he have now?
Jonny says, I still have 5, the two in my hand, and the 3 you are holding.

Teacher says no, he is left with 2 is the correct answer, but says "I like the way you think."

Jonny wonders if he can ask a question and she says sure.

"There are 3 women on a park bench eating ice cream.
The first is taking dainty licks of her cone, the second is swirling it back and forth into her mouth, and the third is taking large bites.

Which one is married?"

Teacher hems and haws and finally says, 'The second one?'

Jonny replies, "I woulda said the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way you think..."

[BigPoppa]

So, this baby seal walks into a club...........

[Tyler Durden]

[ QUOTE ]
a Townes Van Zandt joke

---------------------------

A Houston cop is working the beat, and he sees this guy going down the street in a convertible with three penguins in the back seat. He pulls the car over and says "Look here, you can't be driving these penguins around here on my beat - I want you to take these penguins to the zoo"

Guy says ok, and drives off - next day, cop working the same beat and sees the convertible again - same guy, same penguins in the back seat, but they're all wearing sunglasses.

This really torks the cop off, so he pulls the guy over and says "Look here, I thought I told you yesterday to take these penguins to the zoo"

The guy said "yes sir, we did that - today we're going to the beach."

[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

lol this is awesome

[BuckyK]

Two condoms walk past a gay bar

One condom says to the other: "Wanna get [censored] faced?

[IlliniLou]

[ QUOTE ]
Two condoms walk past a gay bar

One condom says to the other: "Wanna get [censored] faced?

[/ QUOTE ]
ROFLMAO

[guids]

An old Italian man lived alone in the country.
He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was
very hard work as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him,
was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and
described his predicament

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I
won't be able to plant my tomato garden this
year.
I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden
plot. I know if you were here my troubles would
be over.
I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden.
That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local
police arrived and dug up the entire area without
finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another
letter from his son.


Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,
Vinnie

[ChipStorm]

Where does the king keep his armies?
In his sleevies.

Why do you wrap your hamsters in duct tape?
So they don't burst when you f*** 'em.

Why do penises have a knob on the end?
So you don't hit yourself in the head whacking off.

Two guys walking down the street see a dog licking his balls.
Guy 1: "Man, I wish I could do that."
Guy 2: "I think you're gonna have to pet him first."

[The Stranger]

An Irish hunchback is sitting at the bar when he sees Jesus sitting down at the end of the bar. He calls over the bartender, and says, "Get that man a glass of your finest Irish Whisky, on me." Jesus drinks his whisky, comes over and says, "Thank you sir for your generosity." Jesus puts his hands on the guy's hump and says, "May your affliction be healed." The man is straightened up, thanks Jesus and leaves.

A Frenchman in a wheelchair comes into the bar, sees Jesus down at the end of the bar, and says, "Bartender, get that man a glass of your best French wine." Jesus drinks the wine, thanks the man for his generosity, touches the man and says, "May your affliction be healed." The man miraculously stands up out of his chair, and walks. He thanks Jesus and leaves the bar.

A redneck with a mangled arm comes into the bar, sees Jesus sitting at the end of the bar, and says, "Bartender, get that good ol' boy a glass of your best beer." Jesus drinks the beer, thanks him for his generosity, is about to touch the redneck, when he says, "Don't touch me, I'm on disability."

[LuckOfTheDraw]

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He does earth-downs.

[Daniel Magix]

Have you ever seen Stevie Wonder's wife? Neither has he.

What have you done wrong if your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you? Made the chain too long.