Personal / dating / whatever life situation general advice thread

[ArturiusX]

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I need some help getting out of the friend zone. A woman who worked for me 5 years ago and I stayed friends and know a lot of the same people. I recently got out of an eight year relationship. I have been more in touch with my friend, who lives about 5 hours away, since I have been single. She is very laid back and very attractive but doesn't have a boyfriend. I have arranged to be in her city to see a football game with some friends in a few weeks. I am going to come in the day before everybody else (which she is aware of) to hang out. I'd like to try and move this from friends to more that night. How do I best proceed? I get the sense she has some interest, but I don't want to embarass myself to a friend by awkwardly hitting on her. Help me be smooth.

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"Look, I'm not going to lie to you, I'm interested in you. If you're not interested, just say so, I'll get over it and move on, and we'll go back to being friends."

The only thing is, a) you have to say it with confidence, b) you actually have to go back to being friends after, have the balls not to become a huge pussy whipped freak.

Or you could do the immature thing and just get drunk and blurt out stuff. That ones easier, but I find has a smaller success rate [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[Dale Dough]

In my admittedly short experience, the going back to being friends part usually doesn't work out. I have one 'friend' like that that I still talk to, and I see her like once a year. If my current girlfriend weren't cuter/hotter than her tho, I don't think I would put myself through even that. It just feels kind of humiliating to sit there and know you want more but she doesn't, so usually I just stopped hanging out with those 'friends'.

The weird thing is that girls seem oblivious to that [censored] and still call you up every once in a while. God knows why. So the good part is that it probably won't tear your whole circle of friends apart, if that's what you're worrying about. But don't expect to have a 'meaningful friendship' with her until you truly get over it, which always takes longer than you think.

[Ray_bob]

ive got an interesting situation. i have a gf and weve been together for a year and a half. first loves for both of us. however there is a girl that i just met she is in one of my classes anyways she is kinda tied up in a long term relationship but it is very rocky and she wants to break up with him. now i like this girl but i also dont want to cheat on my gf. problem is how do i keep my options open with new girl in case i end up breaking up with my current gf. there is a good chance that i may break up with her in a month and i was wondering what are some things i can do with her that will put us in a neutral place where its not a date but also a place that we can have fun and i mean fun in a non sex way.

[Boris]

Does anyone have any suggestions for a good nose hair trimmer? Seriously.

[lapoker17]

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ive got an interesting situation. i have a gf and weve been together for a year and a half. first loves for both of us. however there is a girl that i just met she is in one of my classes anyways she is kinda tied up in a long term relationship but it is very rocky and she wants to break up with him. now i like this girl but i also dont want to cheat on my gf. problem is how do i keep my options open with new girl in case i end up breaking up with my current gf. there is a good chance that i may break up with her in a month and i was wondering what are some things i can do with her that will put us in a neutral place where its not a date but also a place that we can have fun and i mean fun in a non sex way.


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wtf - if you know you're breaking up with your girlfriend in a month just do it now.

[jeffnc]

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I would like to meet some women outside of bars and clubs and work. I joined a kick ball team, but the girls are beat. Running club is next up, but anyone have any other ideas?

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Volleyball, cycling, tennis, cooking class, yoga class. Go to an apartment complex (where you don't live) and just hang out around the pool until you see someone you might want to talk to. Usually there aren't any locks or ID cards required. If you want, you could cruise around to a dozen pools on some Saturday and if you don't see anyone you'd like to talk to, just move on. If you strike up a conversation, figure out what they like to do. If they ride a bike, a low pressure way to see them again is "I'm going on bike ride with a group tomorrow, want to join us?" Obviously be aware of the bike club calendar before you say that. If they plan tennis, ask if they want to hit the ball around sometime.

[jeffnc]

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Ask her in a normal manner if she likes to come to the party.

The key is don't act like it's some important shiet. A lot of guys fail at courting females because they have a tendency to overvalue their targets and thus lose their manhood due to fear of failure. This ironically increase the guys' failure rate.

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Yes. Most guys are so intent on fixating on a girl, then trying to figure out how they can get that girl. One girl isn't important. The trick is to generate opportunities, not to figure out magical ways to win over one particular girl. If you have a dozen opportunities and one "pickup line", that is infinitely better than one opportunity and a dozen "pickup lines". I use "pickup line" loosely, to mean any method or idea for meeting someone. Generate opportunities and it will follow. This will have the added benefit that you're not desparate - they will pick up on the vibe that it's not the end of the world for you. You genuinely want them to come (don't act like you don't care.) but you have a dozen more opportunities if they decline, so no big deal.

[jeffnc]

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Volunteering is another great place.

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Jaycees is great - must be under 40.

[Ray_bob]

thanks jeff and as for lapoker i mean within a month because if things keep going the way there going with her B-shiat not going to get in to details but if it continues then im done. dont know if youve ever been in a long term relationship but if you gf starts messin up you dont just break up with her you usually give the relationship a chance to get fixed. anyways thanks jeff for some good ideas

[jeffnc]

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in other news, i met this awesome chick at a pre-midterm study session this morning (she was brought along by a friend of mine (female, not interested in)) the thing is, she's asian. now, i've not attempted to get with an asian girl before, but (according to kkf, by-tor, and others) it's awesome, right?

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What?

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what should i know about pursuing her?

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What?

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is she attracted to me just because i'm white, or is that only overseas?

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WTF are you talking about? Or are you leveling us, like with the singing schtick? You like the girl, then try to get to know her. You are sounding a little weird now though.