Ugh proposal dilemma

[goofball]

My girlfriend and I are going to Seattle for a friend's wedding. I didn't want to propose in Vegas and Seattle is the natural choice so this is the perfect opportunity. I ordered the ring and had it shipped to Seattle and it's due to arrive on Monday or Tuesday the 22nd or 23rd. We'll be in Seattle from Thursday the 19th to Wednesday the 25th. So everything was set the timing is good (I wouldn't want to propose before the wedding, don't want to upstage my friend) I know where to do it, etc. etc. etc. Finally it's probably important to mention that she's at least somewhat expecting it sometime on the trip. Plus I don't think it's fair to make her wait even longer without at least a very good reason, especially since that would mean finding a new plan, likely in Vegas.

Enter the difficulty. My girlfriend's been waiting a while for this, we've been together a long time but I was young and dragged my feet. No matter I'm totally ready/pumped now. But nevertheless it's something she's been wanting for a while.

She has an ex-roommate with whom she had a falling out who will be at the wedding. They haven't spoken in probably 2.5 years but we'll see her at the wedding. She just got engaged to a guy who she's been with far less time then my girlfriend and I. Since I won't have proposed yet, this is really going to bug my girlfriend and there's no doubt the ex-roommate will be doing her share of flaunting. I feel like this has the potential to taint the whole thing. She'll be mildly annoyed for a lot of the week, she'll remember that she got engaged right after her friend she hates, etc. etc. etc. Also, fiance is loaded so I can't even out-rock him. Ugh. Maybe I'm just blowing it all up in my head and once she gets the ring she won't care, but maybe not. :-(

Do I...

a. Propose without the ring before the wedding
b. Continue ahead as scheduled
c. postpone the whole thing (If you choose option C it's suggested that you come up with another plan)

[Event Duality]

I would choose option b. As soon as she sees the ring, and you down on one knee, asking her to marry you, she will forget about everything else and just be really, really happy. And while she will definitely eventually forget all of the potentially bad stuff from her former friend, she will never, ever forget how (or when) you proposed to her.

Congratulations!

[Custer]

Why don't you take her to a nice but not over-the-top restaurant and ask her what she wants. You said she's been expecting it so much that you're very hesitant to put it off, so you wouldn't have been surprising her anyway.

This gives her 2 options. You proposing right then and there without the ring and she being engaged for seeing her "friend" at the wedding, or her knowing that she's about to be proposed to herself when she sees her "friend" at the wedding and therefore not being as annoyed.

The best part about asking her is that its her choice, which will make the disadvantages of either plan tougher to blame on you.

[emon87]

Dude she's not gonna care once you propose, especially if it is clear you really mean it and aren't just doing because she got upset that her "friend" is engaged.

[defixated]

If you think the timing wrt friend's engagement is a big deal (and I understand that your gf can be completely awesome and still worry about this sort of thing) then propose in some romantic way now (ocean, restaurant, whatever) and when she says, wtf no ring? say that you made this elaborate plan for Seattle but just couldn't wait. Don't mention the friend.

Better if you really are really excited, can't wait.

Because what women want is for men to be in control wrt the rest of the world and also carried away by romantic love.

[Kneel B4 Zod]

propose to her before the wedding, then ask her to keep it a secret until afterwards. that way you don't upstage your buddy, she won't get jealous of her friend, and it will be your own romantic little secret for a few days.

[Josem]

i like option (b).

if she reacts badly to her friend:
a) that will exaggerate her happiness at your proposal
b) she'll want it mre
c) there'll be a bigger relative emotional "high" from earlier


it is important, however, that your proposal isn't seen as just being in reponse to her seeing her friend happily engaged. one option might be to seek permission from dad (in person, before you leave for seattle) as this could be a great way to do this and to minimise the chances of unhappy consequences.

[eviljeff]

postpone until ex-roommate gets divorced

[jba]

wow your longtime gf doesn't know your 2+2 name?

[BretWeir]

Continue with the plan.

I had my proposal night all planned out like a month in advance--nice dinner at a wonderful restaurant, drinks with a view of Manhattan, hotel, etc. A week before the big day, my then-fiancee made a big deal about how I was dragging my feet, she didn't want to wait any longer, all the same stuff you're worrying about. I just bit my tongue and kept quiet.

It was worth it. When I got down on my knee and brought out the ring, it was all forgotten in a second, and I was happy that I didn't jump the gun and instead did it right.