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#61
10-09-2007, 06:49 PM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
"Good morning Bob."
"Good morning" "Well I better get going. I have to drop the kids off at school and then I am getting my hair done at 10:00." "OK, have a good day." "I thought maybe we could go to lunch today." "Ahh, I would love to but I am so busy at the office these days that I am probably going to work thru lunch today" "You work too hard!" "I know" "OK, see you tonight, luv you." "Love you too." Later that day..... Boink 
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#62
10-09-2007, 07:58 PM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
[ QUOTE ]
Given my nature, being "just friends" would be really hard for me if it's someone I'm emotionally and physically attracted to, so I just don't associate with those women at all. So, I suppose, for me, no opposite sex friends unless I find them repugnant [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] [/ QUOTE ] This seems more fair and wise -- proscribing behavior for oneself, based on knowledge of one's own limitations, rather than someone else. An individual solution to an individual question, rather than a blanket rule for all or flat statement that things work the same for everyone. A knowledge of one's limitations is a good thing, even if the limitations themselves are unfortunate.
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#63
10-09-2007, 08:50 PM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] Given my nature, being "just friends" would be really hard for me if it's someone I'm emotionally and physically attracted to, so I just don't associate with those women at all. So, I suppose, for me, no opposite sex friends unless I find them repugnant [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] [/ QUOTE ] This seems more fair and wise -- proscribing behavior for oneself, based on knowledge of one's own limitations, rather than someone else. An individual solution to an individual question, rather than a blanket rule for all or flat statement that things work the same for everyone. A knowledge of one's limitations is a good thing, even if the limitations themselves are unfortunate. [/ QUOTE ] Am I coming off as cynical when I say that this is unfortunate on some levels if it is the "best" way of looking at it....because most people are entirely unaware of their own limitations? Is that me being observant of society or not giving them enough credit? I do agree though. I think that it is a wonderful way to avoid bad situations, especially regarding emotional affairs. If you know your own limitations, truly, then you really can't go wrong as long as you're smart enough not to try and say, "Oh, well this can be an exception...." Because then you're in trouble.
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#64
10-09-2007, 09:00 PM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
[ QUOTE ]
I do agree though. I think that it is a wonderful way to avoid bad situations, especially regarding emotional affairs. If you know your own limitations, truly, then you really can't go wrong as long as you're smart enough not to try and say, "Oh, well this can be an exception...." Because then you're in trouble. [/ QUOTE ] The trouble (for me anyway) are situations I can't avoid. A wife's good friend that hangs out and clearly likes me (as a friend) or a coworker I need to interact closely and frequently. It's not that I'd cheat, I'm pretty disciplined. It's that I don't want to feel that attraction for someone I can't have. It's sort of painful in a way to have affection for someone, but be unable to express it.
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#65
10-09-2007, 10:07 PM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
[ QUOTE ]
Am I coming off as cynical when I say that this is unfortunate on some levels if it is the "best" way of looking at it....because most people are entirely unaware of their own limitations? Is that me being observant of society or not giving them enough credit? I do agree though. I think that it is a wonderful way to avoid bad situations, especially regarding emotional affairs. If you know your own limitations, truly, then you really can't go wrong as long as you're smart enough not to try and say, "Oh, well this can be an exception...." Because then you're in trouble. [/ QUOTE ] I don't think people are a static quantity, or a uniform one. We take it for granted that we have to grow as children. Why do we so quickly rush to sit on our laurels, however undistinguished, as adults? It's important to realize one's limitations, but also to remain open to the prospect of growing beyond them. Personal growth can be intimidating and it's easier not to bother, and to declare ourselves the victims of our limitations rather than their engineer. It can't hurt to be honest and know where we stand, but if we're really honest, we'll admit that we could venture a few steps forward now and then, and even that it might be good for us.
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#67
10-09-2007, 10:14 PM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
no one dares ask him that Mr.Moore.
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#68
10-09-2007, 10:17 PM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
[ QUOTE ]
Yeah, that's weird. Sometimes I hear stuff like this and wonder if we're just yearning to go back to some sort of Islamic-type fundamentalism and fear of our sexuality or something. The idea that we are so completely out of control of ourselves seems more absurd than honest. But at least it makes thinking easier. Which I suppose is really the whole point. [/ QUOTE ] It's all about emotional intelligence. Women are more emotionally intelligent than men. Many women use this superior emotional intelligence to exercise a degree of control over men. Men, being the emotional retards we are, get caught in this stupid trap again and again. Men who get divorced once will most likely get divorced again. It's an old formula, desire-approval-act-guilt-regret-need for approval or absolution, etc., etc.. People get caught in this trap like little organ grinder monkeys. Pull the string and watch the symbols bang. Most men are completely out of control emotionally when it comes to their relationships with women, and they don't even realize it.
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#69
10-09-2007, 10:24 PM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
I don't know exsubmariner. I've know a lot of different guys and if you ask me they seem to be very much in control of their lives and their emotions.
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