Emotional Affairs

[bogey1]

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but for me emotional affection and physical desire begin to merge in a close relationship.

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And yet you think it's "a hoot" that I'd have romantic feelings towards a close female friend. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] Isn't that the same thing, the merging of emotional affection and physical desire in a close relationship?

[tarheeljks]

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but for me emotional affection and physical desire begin to merge in a close relationship.

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And yet you think it's "a hoot" that I'd have romantic feelings towards a close female friend. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] Isn't that the same thing, the merging of emotional affection and physical desire in a close relationship?

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what? i think this is very possible. did i say that i didn't or am i misunderstanding your meaning?

[katyseagull]

Bogey -

Agree with you that the line is arbitrary. Society standards maybe? Like you, the more I think about things the more relaxed and philosophical I become. I can envision scenarios where my boyfriend strays and finds pleasure and happiness with a stripper girl and then comes back to me. If I think about it a lot it becomes less scary.


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If your boyfriend went to a licensed masseuse, are you going to begrudge him that?



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OMG I want to go to a licensed masseuse so badly. It's something I always wanted to try but I'm too cheap to shell out the money for it. I suppose I wouldn't begrudge him this as long as I get to have a massage too. (man that sounds great right now.)




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Playing devil's advocate...

Say he loved those boobies against him. So what? He gets his hug from a friend, a minor thrill from the boobies, and goes home to/with you (not sure in your mind if he's at a place with you or by himself).

So, no harm done. He got a cheap, basically harmless thrill. Why would you care? Why should you be bothered?

Say he went to a strip club and saw naked boobies. He again gets a basically harmless thrill and goes home to you. Do you care? And if so, why?

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I would care much less about him hugging strip club boobies than a close friend's boobies that's for sure. So ok, if he wants to fly to Vegas and hug a stripper then have at it. And now you're making me feel bad that I've denied him this pleasure, this physical touching from which he would derive so much happiness that now I feel like a selfish jerk. If, for one minute, I imagine myself being a guy I think that I would love to sample many different women. So I'm all conflicted about this issue you see. (not about my sexuality, just about letting my guy have more fun with other boobies)

[Cobretti]

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Also, I think a girl can have that connection without wanting it to go further but I don't think a guy can (again, unless the girl is ugly).

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how does this follow?

[/ QUOTE ]I am not exactly sure what you mean by your question. Can you please elaborate?

[tarheeljks]

why guys but not girls?

[daveT]

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why guys but not girls?

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Because girls don't like sex.

[tarheeljks]

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why guys but not girls?

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Because girls don't like sex.

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they're just better at hiding it

[tarheeljks]

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Bogey -

Agree with you that the line is arbitrary. Society standards maybe? Like you, the more I think about things the more relaxed and philosophical I become. I can envision scenarios where my boyfriend strays and finds pleasure and happiness with a stripper girl and then comes back to me. If I think about it a lot it becomes less scary.

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i'm moving in the opposite direction, not scared as much as becoming more opposed to it. i think the line is arbitrary b/c emotions aren't bound to logic.


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Say he went to a strip club and saw naked boobies. He again gets a basically harmless thrill and goes home to you. Do you care? And if so, why?

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I would care much less about him hugging strip club boobies than a close friend's boobies that's for sure. So ok, if he wants to fly to Vegas and hug a stripper then have at it. And now you're making me feel bad that I've denied him this pleasure, this physical touching from which he would derive so much happiness that now I feel like a selfish jerk. If, for one minute, I imagine myself being a guy I think that I would love to sample many different women. So I'm all conflicted about this issue you see. (not about my sexuality, just about letting my guy have more fun with other boobies)

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why is the stripper worse than a close friend? if you aren't cool w/him having physical relations w/another woman shouldn't you be just as worried about the stripper? it would hurt more if it were a close friend, but it's more likely to happen on a night out in the town in vegas.

[katyseagull]

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First things first. I want to have an emotional trist with you and your pretty toes Katy [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] I mean it in the most polite way possible. I think I'm in love!


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Orlando you big tease. I don't know if i'd know how to have an emotional trist. What would that entail on my part? Would I have to do much work?




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But, if you do make a commitment like this, there isn't a b&w answer. Lets say one person in a relationship decides to invest shared money in a stock without telling the other. Now the couple is exposed to financial investment risk. Is that fair? Maybe, but it depends on the size of the investment relative to the couple's net worth.

Basically, if a high school girl emotionally cheats on her BF of 1 month, that's far different than a 40 year woman with children having an emotional affair with a coworker. The risk to the current relationship and the spouse's ability to make new relationships are way different due to age and invesment (children, home, family, friends).

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Good description. I sort of agree with this. It comes down to respect and not botching something great you have going only because you are bored and lonely for a little excitement in your life.

Btw, I just found out last night that some friends of mine are having marital problems because the wife has become entangled with a dude at work. I was floored because she doesn't seem the type. My first thoughts were exactly what you alluded to. That is, how's her spouse going to make new relationships now that he is so invested in her and their kids and god doesn't this just suck for him? It's so unfair. I gotta say it's freaking me out. This is the couple I always thought would stay together for the rest of their lives. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[Cobretti]

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emotions aren't bound to logic.

[/ QUOTE ]That is correct and it leads to the biggest danger of these "cool" relationships. The relationship can be humming along at a "acceptable" level and then a spark is thrown in (usually a flirtatious comment by either of the participants) and you are off to the races and emotions take complete control and override about everything else. Attraction is simply too powerful and it has the ability to override all logic and reason. Our genetics make sure of that.

I have been involved in several of these. Everything is fun and innocence and then it is not and you look back and wonder what the heck just happened. It is almost always a simple flirtatious comment that gets everything rolling. Case in point - I have (had?) one of those "cool" relationships with this girl Natasha. I was very attracted to her but I behaved completely for over a year as she was married and I have a girlfriend. But, it was fun just hanging with her. I was just on a business trip and I was a bit drunk and I sent her an innocent email but I started the email with "hey cute Natasha". It was really nothing and it wasn't any intentional overt act but subconsciously it was probably meant to feel her out to see how she would respond. She responded, "what is with the 'cute natasha' comment. Are you ready to take our relationship to the next level?". She wants to meet tomorrow. All of a sudden, that innocent relationship is not so innocent anymore.

It is wrong to think that you can have some innocent close relationship with some cool person of the opposite sex and to believe you can control things. It is a slippery slope and you are playing with fire. I think the people that are most at risk are those that say it wouldn't happen to them and that they are stronger than others and they can control things. These types are oblivious to the danger and they are most likely to be blindsided. It is especially dangerous for a girl if the guy has great game and he knows how to properly escalate. She likely doesn't stand a chance because he will escalate in a way that keeps her guard down the entire time.