Dealing With Being Unattractive - Page 4

EnigmaCanada · #31 10-05-2007, 02:12 AM

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i hope i don't come off as an [censored] by saying this, but i would have more sympathy if op was female.

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To answer this quote: I can see your POV regarding gender on this issue. Looks are far more crucial to a woman's identity in our society than to a man. The highest valued men aren't the prettiest, but the most successful, and the ones people look up to. Men are more defined by their achievements, jobs, status, money. Women are mostly valued by their looks, and their value starts to decline starting in their early 20s. Men are at their physical best in their early 20s, but their value as far as attractiveness increases with age due to intelligence and earning power.

The hot young pieces of ass have to be less picky as time goes on. They start to realize that there are always hotter, and younger chicks coming up every year. Men gradually improve their attractiveness, but then it starts to decline as age physically wears them down, more than the income going up.

The fact that I'm not physically blessed is still a set back, but not as much of a hinderance as being an unattractive woman.

tarheeljks · #32 10-05-2007, 02:17 AM

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yes, obviously a bigger issue for females as a group, but that doesn't make enigma's situation any less real.

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what do you mean by real? i'm not saying the problem doesn't exist since he's a male, but if he's intelligent and personable (which he appears to be) it shouldn't be that big of a deal

EnigmaCanada · #33 10-05-2007, 02:24 AM

Hey guys, thanks for all your contributions to this discussion.

The key thing I've gotten so far is confidence and outlook are far more important than looks. I've always thought and believed that.

Its just that the only time for me to interact with women is when I go to the bars. Those places just aren't a realistic enough representation of the world there, because there, looks get so much more emphasized. Its loud, and alot of people there don't know each other, so people just use their eyes to judge other people. I guess thats the part where I let it bother me that I'm not this visually dominant person that will stand out from the crowd; and I put more value into physical appearance than it really should have.

rothko · #34 10-05-2007, 02:24 AM

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yes, obviously a bigger issue for females as a group, but that doesn't make enigma's situation any less real.

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what do you mean by real? i'm not saying the problem doesn't exist since he's a male, but if he's intelligent and personable (which he appears to be) it shouldn't be that big of a deal

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i was saying that just because it's a bigger issue for females doesn't mean that we can discount a guy's experience.

you're right, "it shouldn't be that big of a deal," but unfortunately, it is.

Blarg · #35 10-05-2007, 02:36 AM

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i quite resent the media for pushing these "ideals" on us. a lot of pain and trouble could be saved. even the beautiful people are plastered with makeup and airbrushed. so, they take the very best which is already a high standard and then they make it even more unrealistic. really too bad imo.

here we have enigma and many others feeling like they don't measure up. to what? some arbitrarily decided upon standard of beauty. it sucks.

op seems like an intelligent guy. probably really cool and yet he isn't good enough. [censored] that.

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Lots of guys aren't good enough because they don't have any money. Turn-about is fair play.

Blarg · #36 10-05-2007, 02:39 AM

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Hey guys, thanks for all your contributions to this discussion.

The key thing I've gotten so far is confidence and outlook are far more important than looks. I've always thought and believed that.

Its just that the only time for me to interact with women is when I go to the bars. Those places just aren't a realistic enough representation of the world there, because there, looks get so much more emphasized. Its loud, and alot of people there don't know each other, so people just use their eyes to judge other people. I guess thats the part where I let it bother me that I'm not this visually dominant person that will stand out from the crowd; and I put more value into physical appearance than it really should have.

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This is where you go to live this way and be judged that way. That's why lots of people don't bother. Some would do okay there, some wouldn't, but for many, it's a combo of boring, trivial, and shallow.

Marwan · #37 10-05-2007, 03:23 AM

I've dealt with self-image issues as far back as I can remember, so I'll chime in with some things I've come to realize..

We are easily, far and away, our own worst critics when it comes to assessing our looks.. I used to look at every blemish on my face and think I was just a mess (have had moderate acne since HS).. It got to the point where I wouldn't go into bathrooms with certain lighting/mirrors.. I had bathrooms on Campus that I would walk across campus for b/c I knew the lighting/mirror was more forgiving than others and it made me feel better about myself.. But the reality was that it was never nearly as bad as I thought.. nothing is really as bad as you think it is. Anyways so recently I've come to realize how shallow I was and that how I look really doesn't have much of an impact on who you are. Some people won the DNA lottery, some didn't, but I'm quite sure that if you're smart, funny, successful etc. and have ho-hum looks you shouldn't have much of a problem meeting women.

I always hear that the people you're attracted to aren't attracted to you.. but I dunno if I believe that.

Also, I've overhead girls talking and saying when they get to know people who aren't attractive at first impression, but have a good personality/made them laugh/are nice people ,they find them more attractive.. and vice versa for pretty boys who are dull and uninteresting.. I think this rings true b/c I definitely find some average looking girls way more attractive if they have a certain style/quirky/funny thing going on.. Then other girls who are gorgeous but uninteresting/not my type I don't really think about them twice (but I'll still look more than twice obv)

Confidence goes a long way too, it's repeated so often b/c it's true.. I also find that the most attractive people are usually the people who don't know they're attractive.. if that makes sense.

Also, unrealistic expectations factor in.. in this day and age, we're just overwhelmed with images which aren't really representative of most women..fantasy women are probably not the best benchmark to use in the real world.

tarheeljks · #38 10-05-2007, 04:15 AM

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Also, I've overhead girls talking and saying when they get to know people who aren't attractive at first impression, but have a good personality/made them laugh/are nice people ,they find them more attractive.. and vice versa for pretty boys who are dull and uninteresting.. I think this rings true b/c I definitely find some average looking girls way more attractive if they have a certain style/quirky/funny thing going on.. Then other girls who are gorgeous but uninteresting/not my type I don't really think about them twice (but I'll still look more than twice obv)

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I remember having a discussion w/my old roommate about this. He believed that your opinions of how attractive someone is don't really change, but that it can be relatively easily trumped by a good personality/good character. I'm not sure where i stand-- my initial thoughts agree w/what you've said, but the counter point makes sense. i feel like i've experienced both cases to some degree.

Marwan · #39 10-05-2007, 04:33 AM

I see what you mean, I'm not really sure either.. I guess it's just my perception of that person that changes..

I'm not sure what this falls under, but for instance I've found girls way more attractive when they like certain things that I also tend to like (certain Bands/Movies/Sports, whatever).. I sort of get a better picture of what they're all about and think of them in a different light, thus making me more attracted to them.. They haven't changed physically, but now I'm more physically attracted to this person.. which is weird... If anything I think it just verifies how far personality/character etc. can go..

PoBoy321 · #40 10-05-2007, 04:58 AM

I didn't really read the OP, or for that matter, any of the responses, but I'll say this:

If you want to be good-looking because you think it will get you girls, you're going about it the completely wrong way. 1) Realize that what you want is hot girls. 2) Try to figure out what it is that hot girls want. 3) Realize that hot girls look for an alpha male type. 4) Come to terms with the fact that alpha male types aren't necessarily good looking.