Learning to communicate

[BestLuckEver]

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Here, I can take time, write a sentence, rewrite it, organize some paragraphs, etc., with very little pressure. When a real person is in front of me, however, I can [censored] up the smoothest logic or the funniest joke on the planet.

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Very simple solution! Calm down, be more mellow & easy going. Practice deep breathing excersices (google) and maybe some quick meditation in the morning to clear your mind and get you going with a fresh start for the day. The worst thing you can do is focus on messing up. Stop caring/worrying about it, and you will find yourself not messing up.

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I don't know, I don't drink. (not opposed to it, and will almost certainly drink in the future, but well, I also happen to be quite socially inept and I don't often find myself in situations where one would drink.)

[/ QUOTE ]Get out more, you're in a cycle. You don't feel comfortable about talking to others, which causes you to not go to social events & socialize, which in turn causes you to grow even more distant with your communication skills.

Get out there, and don't be afraid. It's like asking someone out for a date, lots of people stress like maniacs, when the worst thing that could happen is a "no". Don't think about your constant slip ups it only makes it worse. In your transition period to socialgod, if you find yourself slipping up, learn to laugh at yourself. The more you accept & aren't afraid of your mistakes, the less you'll make them, and eventually they'll disappear.

[img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[mookboi]

OP, how old are you?

If 18+, explain the "don't drink, but plan on it in future."

I agree with whoever said get a girlfriend. It really does work wonders. Beyond that, whoever said mellow out in general was on the right track. Try some weed or something.

Are you any good at reading/presenting stuff outloud? I think it's a valid question for purposes of determining your situation. Like, say you are given a presentation to present in front of class/co-workers, where you are going to have ample time to prepare, memorize, & practice what you are about to say. Do words flow easier then?

[Kimbell175113]

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OP, how old are you?

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20

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If 18+, explain the "don't drink, but plan on it in future."

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Wish I could (explain it). I am just a sad, lonely hermit.

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I agree with whoever said get a girlfriend. It really does work wonders. Beyond that, whoever said mellow out in general was on the right track. Try some weed or something.

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Okay.

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Are you any good at reading/presenting stuff outloud? I think it's a valid question for purposes of determining your situation. Like, say you are given a presentation to present in front of class/co-workers, where you are going to have ample time to prepare, memorize, & practice what you are about to say. Do words flow easier then?

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Yes. On a related note, I was recently signing up for next semester's classes and decided to throw an intro acting class in there; we'll see what happens.

Phil,
nice post. But I don't really mind that people don't get it; my problem is that I don't explain it well. It's like when you take text and put it through a translator program, then back into English, and it's all goofy: that's what happens when I learn something from someone (or a book or forum) and then try to explain it.

Toastmasters guys,
yes, I've heard that as well. I'll think about it.

all,
thanks for the advice. I guess the thing is, I already know I should be trying to make friends, to be more confident, be a better writer, etc., but I was trying to ask about something a little more specific. Anyway, none of this stuff can hurt. I think the taperecorder suggestion is the best for what I was asking for, and I'll def put that into action.

[AlexSem]

Learning to communicate is like going to the gym. First month is going to be rough, it's going to hurt, you're going to be discouraged. You're going to think "why am I doing this?" and so on.

You stick with it and reap the results. Communicating is NO different. The advice you've received is great, except imho it assumes you to be far more broken than you really are.

You can write a forum post, unless you're extremely hideous in real life, smell bad or have a huge amount of loser habits, you're just an average computer lover [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

A lot of those here. You've decided it's not cool to sit in your room all day. Start small. Go to the gym, learn some sports, go to toastmasters. Do stuff outside of mandatory classes.

I'm guessing the real issue is you're anti-social. The fact that you're misunderstood is just a manifestation of a larger problem [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] You're getting band-aid solutions whereas in reality I think it's going to take some pain and courage to start making positive changes, no pain no gain right? [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Gl.