Pregnant GF

[Zurvan]

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No offense, but you're almost certainly going to end up white trash yourself, so you may as well do the right thing and take care of your kid. You dropped out of college (by far the best way to get out of a small town) to play poker (brilliant!) and are now sweating the money to move or take care of your family in a low cost-of-living town. Without knowing more, I'd guess that you're a marginal winner at low limits who will be squeezed out in the coming months by the toughening of the games. This is you about your gf's white trash friends:
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All of them have lived in this [censored] town their entire lives. All of them have been pregnant at a young age. None of them graduated from college or have any type of career,

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Hey, that's also you! What a coincidence!

So, the way I see it your choices are:
A. Be responsible and take care of your child.
B. Run off to wherever and be a failure, and abandon your child.
C. (Least likely) Get your [censored] together, figure out what you want to do, move if necessary, get a job, and go to school (or whatever) at night.

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So what you're saying is - i'm a failure and because I'm a failure I should have to raise a child?

I never claimed to be a saint, I am very flawed (to say the least). This is one of the many big reasons I SHOULD NOT be bringing a person into this world.

If I'm such a hypocritical douchebag, the last thing you should want me doing is raising another hypocritical douchebag to take my place when I die.


But hey, at least you got to tell me off right?

Seriously man, there's no need for the hate.

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You don't have a choice though. You're going to have a kid.

You can either be a douchebag & raise a douchebag, or you can un-[censored] yourself and raise a proper human being. And maybe even be one yourself.

[TxSteve]

after reading more of OP's replies...i'm changing my mind.

the girl and your child will probably be better off without you.

go on with your life. move to another town and proceed with gambling, hitting the bars, nailing random chicks at your leisure.

don't spend any time thinking about your child's mother getting up 3 times a night to feed the baby; giving up her college education; probably moving back in with her parents; raising a child alone; etc.

don't worry about whatever dude she ends up with raising your child.

what i do hope though, is that in any future serious relationships you have, the new girlfriend finds out just what a classless, selfish, irresponsible douche bag you are and high-tails it for the hills immediately.

[HolyFimFed]

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You don't have a choice though. You're going to have a kid.

You can either be a douchebag & raise a douchebag, or you can un-[censored] yourself and raise a proper human being. And maybe even be one yourself.


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Not sure if you've been following the whole thread...I've calmed down a bit since the OP (getting my thoughts out has been therapeutic - so thanks to all who have contributed)

I think more of my fear came from the fact that I thought I was being unwillingly committed to stay with the GF, and in turn in this town (i doubt she'll ever leave her family once this happens). As my thoughts cleared more, I realized I can still care for the child and improve my own life simultaneously... Though my relationship with the child will likely be long-distance...

The situation is looking like much less of a "stay or leave" scenario, so I've made progress.

[bobman0330]

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So what you're saying is - i'm a failure and because I'm a failure I should have to raise a child?

I never claimed to be a saint, I am very flawed (to say the least). This is one of the many big reasons I SHOULD NOT be bringing a person into this world.

If I'm such a hypocritical douchebag, the last thing you should want me doing is raising another hypocritical douchebag to take my place when I die.


But hey, at least you got to tell me off right?

Seriously man, there's no need for the hate.

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I've got nothin but love, dude, but you need a reality check. This is a crappy situation, but you need to start dealing with it ASAP, whether it's your fault or not. If your gf isn't going to have an abortion, then the kid will be born whether it's the right thing or not (barring a random miscarriage.) If she won't give it up, then YOU are primarily responsible for its material support, because no one else will be. You should google some statistics about crime rates and such for kids raised in single-parent households. Ending up a hypocrite would be a pretty good result for your son or daughter.

The failure stuff might have been a bit harsh (although true), but I think you need to quit fooling yourself. Blaming your girl or your child for your not being where you want to be is unfair and just makes it easier for you to abandon them for what are really just selfish reasons. I can't comment too much without knowing you, but why did you drop out of college if you want so badly to get out of town? Why are you asking for advice about whether you can abandon your helpless child instead of advice about how to be successful while raising a child? It's hardly impossible to go to school at night or to move to a better location. Quit whining and get it together.

[HolyFimFed]

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after reading more of OP's replies...i'm changing my mind.

the girl and your child will probably be better off without you.

go on with your life. move to another town and proceed with gambling, hitting the bars, nailing random chicks at your leisure.

don't spend any time thinking about your child's mother getting up 3 times a night to feed the baby; giving up her college education; probably moving back in with her parents; raising a child alone; etc.

don't worry about whatever dude she ends up with raising your child.

what i do hope though, is that in any future serious relationships you have, the new girlfriend finds out just what a classless, selfish, irresponsible douche bag you are and high-tails it for the hills immediately.

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wow...uh...what?

[Zurvan]

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You don't have a choice though. You're going to have a kid.

You can either be a douchebag & raise a douchebag, or you can un-[censored] yourself and raise a proper human being. And maybe even be one yourself.


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Not sure if you've been following the whole thread...I've calmed down a bit since the OP (getting my thoughts out has been therapeutic - so thanks to all who have contributed)

I think more of my fear came from the fact that I thought I was being unwillingly committed to stay with the GF, and in turn in this town (i doubt she'll ever leave her family once this happens). As my thoughts cleared more, I realized I can still care for the child and improve my own life simultaneously... Though my relationship with the child will likely be long-distance...

The situation is looking like much less of a "stay or leave" scenario, so I've made progress.

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I, frankly, can't believe that this has made you want to leave your GF. You obviously should be thankful you didn't marry her. Or she should be thankful? If you love a woman, her getting pregnant shouldn't make you want to break up.

[Meech]

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This is one of the many big reasons I SHOULD NOT be bringing a person into this world.

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This ship has sailed -- get over it.

And I agree with the persons post you were responding too.

You claim you are better than those in your town. I call BS.

[Tom Ames]

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She's 20, I'm 22.

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So far, so good.

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That's right folks, I've been planning ahead for this scenario for the extent of the relationship.

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Why would it have been necessary for you to plan for this scenario? From your post, it sounds as if this is the only thing you've been planning for.

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I am obviously not ready. I need to leave this town. I need a more reliable income. I need to experience so much more in the world and within myself before I'm ready to teach another human being how to live.

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So you recognize your immaturity? You're 22. What have you been waiting for?

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Once I am prepared, I think I will be an amazing father.

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Not unless the Responsibility Fairy sprinkles some magic dust on you. There is absolutely no evidence in your post to support this statement.

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I'm not really sure of the purpose of this post. Maybe someone else has experienced the same and would like to chime in with some advice.

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I've been faced with a similar decision but due to genetic counseling rather than your circumstances. We reluctantly opted for abortion, but due to the pregnancy being too far along, could not go that route. As it turned out, everything turned out fine. I now look back and think that was the best decision I never got to make, and still have feelings of guilt about what I might have missed.

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Thanks for reading, and if anybody has some advice to give me, I am all ears.

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Glad you asked. Here goes: you have definitely decided what you want to do. In fact, you decided before you were even faced with the actual event. You came here with your post for support of that decision and possibly some advice about how to convince your GF that you are right. IMHO at this point, this is 95% your GF's decision as she is the one who will have to live with the consequences of the decision, whatever it is. (But, as you said, that is subject for a different thread.) I think her family realizes this even if she does not. You need to begin assuming some responsibilites whether your GF's pregnancy is terminated or not. I hope you're up to the task. Good luck.

[dchz]

TL;DR, keep it

[NajdorfDefense]

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If you need help with baby names:

Rachel
Katie
Michael
Joseph

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You can get $100k or more by selling your kid in the middle east.