Serious Penis Question - Need Help

[Ryanski]

Maybe this can stay in this forum, as I don`t think the health forum gets as much activity, and this is OOT! Anyways....

I've waited too long ignoring this. I turn 20 in one week.
Here's the story:

I'm 99%+ sure I was circumcised when I was born, or whenever they do it shortly thereafter. I am left with just a shaft - my glans is gone, nonexistent!!! I receive barely any feeling from it, ever. The first time I masturbated successfully was after my 18th birthday, when I discovered a method that gave me a bit of feeling. A couple times in my younger years I had attempted it, just using one hand and rubbing up and down the shaft(as others around me had described loudly to friends around them over the years, as it never came naturally to me), but it was worthless, I received no feeling whatsoever. I was never able to ejaculate, or even come close.

I remember around grade 7 or so when talking about 'jizz,' etc. was all the rage(lol), and I had no idea what any of them were talking about, as all I knew about it was that it was liquidy! I later found out it comes out of the penis, and I was confused for another few years(always way too shy to ask or tell anyone about this issue) about how it's supposed to come out. I always sort of thought about it as an inside joke or something, because how the hell does this stuff come out..I definitely can`t do it.. is this real or are they joking(my question mark isn`t working)..

I remember watching that 40 Days, 40 Nights movie with Josh Hartnett, and how he has to go that long without ejaculating I think...and me wondering WTF how is this a struggle for him, I can do this no problem.

I remember the few times I would see a porno, and sight of the male actor`s member giving me more WTF moments(the glans), but only for a few seconds. I guess I dismissed it as other males having different anatomy, as well as thinking that the glans(didn`t know that was what it was called at the time) would eventually grow in coming years.

I`m not really sure whether I`m closer to being considered heterosexual or asexual. I certainly feel pretty [censored] worthless. Kind of like a robot, yay!

In high school a few of the best looking girls (even by OOT standards!) approached me, and while I was attracted to them, I guess I was not sexually interested enough to ask them out. I`ve tried thinking of a logical reason why I did not ask them out(I still had many other chances on my own to do this), but I seriously cannot think of one. It definitely wasn`t cowardice(can say that with 100% assurance), but still feel sick about that nonetheless. I liked them a lot, great personalities, great bodies, great opportunities missed, but I digress.

Sorry for the `thinkly-veiled brag` or whatever, but I want to include the full story.

Here`s a thinkly-veiled beat: I am without a doubt a virgin that even has some trouble sexing myself. I hope that negates above paragraph.

There is no way in hell I am asking my parents about this. They never said a thing to me about this. I feel so [censored] sick. If I were to ask them and they tell me `yadda yadda yes you were circumcised, sorry about the accident,` I don`t know if I could talk to them for a long time. Maybe that is extreme, I don`t know. I feel like crying. I am a robot...

I have looked a fair amount on google for my situation, and surprisingly there is next to NOTHING about a male with no glans(though there are many other variations of glans afflictions and all types of crap). Although maybe someone will read this and search and find 30 articles, who knows.. Actually, I did find one short paragraph by some guy that was basically in my situation, but there wasn`t much new content, so I won`t include it.

Anyways, a few things from this post:

1. How do I get an appointment with some doctor to confirm this. I am an idiot about this type of thing. I kind of just want the 100% confirmation, even though I basically know. Will this cost money,etc...

2.I post this so that maybe someone or some of you can provide some helpful advice. I don`t know what I`m looking for really..

Please, if you have any questions, ASK ME ANYTHING. Or comments, say anything. Maybe I`m overreacting...Maybe I should be even more angry than I am... I don`t know...

Ryan